Thoughts

I am looking for a meaning for so many things.
Sometimes, in the street, it seems that I smoke a bit less than at home. At home, I can smoke freely. Outside, there'll always be someone asking for a cigarette, so I keeo themmfor longer time. I don't smoke and tell prople that I don't have cigarettes. They'll last. At ome, they'll simply burn.
I am aware that I don't have another option, but to get up and go for it. I meed to go and do it. I need to fight for what I need to. Instead, I am just sitting down, typing endlessly. Eternal complaints and moans and groans about how life shits and sucks. I won't get anywhere while I keep accepting things this way. But I still feel unable to give an efficient reply to that situation. It sucks and fucks continuosly with my mind. I sucks and it is just my business to go and do it.
Stop complaining, asshole!
You typed similar words in the other blog http://cronicasdavitima.blogspot.com .

 You must get up and GO FOR IT AND JUST DO IT!

 I try to give a meaning to this love thing. To this need that people speak about. Being happy by someone's side. It just disturbs my soul. The simple idea of it... it sounds sweet in dreams, but on a real possibility, it jus creeps me out. I don't mind being all promiscuous, being such the kind of guy who stays on one-night-stands forever. It sounds way better and more logical for me that each beast goes back to his place, after the sex. No feelings involved, what means no fake hopes, no lies, no cheatings. Just pleasure. So much pleasure.

 I am in the kind of mood that I could embrace a night walk in the beach. That Madredeus' song, "Ao Longe O Mar" is playing in my mobile. It would play in the beach, either. Although with company, I would need a few minutes alone with my music, my thoughts and the sea. There would be no time for lies. The sea is my confessional. All my dreams and all my hoped are living in it. It kows all my secrets and all my fears. My relationship with the sea, is the closest that I have with a romantic relationship and with a religion. My dreams, my hope, my faith are with the sea, in the sea.

 Night... long night.
What words are burning inside my soul?
Which is this land, whose lighthouse guides me?

 Tell me. Let me know what you're wanting from me, at every request to go out. Let me know what you wish, when you smile like that. My friend, what do you really want from me?

 I need to sleep.
5 am.
Good hour.
One last cigarette (the sixth, way more than outside) and off I go to the land of dreams.

 I need to stop thinking.
I need to start dreaming.
I need to do it!

 I just made a cigarette and I am going to smoke it at the window, watching the empty street from my 5th floor.

 Goodnight.
Sweet dreams.

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