Thoughts

I am looking for a meaning for so many things.
Sometimes, in the street, it seems that I smoke a bit less than at home. At home, I can smoke freely. Outside, there'll always be someone asking for a cigarette, so I keeo themmfor longer time. I don't smoke and tell prople that I don't have cigarettes. They'll last. At ome, they'll simply burn.
I am aware that I don't have another option, but to get up and go for it. I meed to go and do it. I need to fight for what I need to. Instead, I am just sitting down, typing endlessly. Eternal complaints and moans and groans about how life shits and sucks. I won't get anywhere while I keep accepting things this way. But I still feel unable to give an efficient reply to that situation. It sucks and fucks continuosly with my mind. I sucks and it is just my business to go and do it.
Stop complaining, asshole!
You typed similar words in the other blog http://cronicasdavitima.blogspot.com .

 You must get up and GO FOR IT AND JUST DO IT!

 I try to give a meaning to this love thing. To this need that people speak about. Being happy by someone's side. It just disturbs my soul. The simple idea of it... it sounds sweet in dreams, but on a real possibility, it jus creeps me out. I don't mind being all promiscuous, being such the kind of guy who stays on one-night-stands forever. It sounds way better and more logical for me that each beast goes back to his place, after the sex. No feelings involved, what means no fake hopes, no lies, no cheatings. Just pleasure. So much pleasure.

 I am in the kind of mood that I could embrace a night walk in the beach. That Madredeus' song, "Ao Longe O Mar" is playing in my mobile. It would play in the beach, either. Although with company, I would need a few minutes alone with my music, my thoughts and the sea. There would be no time for lies. The sea is my confessional. All my dreams and all my hoped are living in it. It kows all my secrets and all my fears. My relationship with the sea, is the closest that I have with a romantic relationship and with a religion. My dreams, my hope, my faith are with the sea, in the sea.

 Night... long night.
What words are burning inside my soul?
Which is this land, whose lighthouse guides me?

 Tell me. Let me know what you're wanting from me, at every request to go out. Let me know what you wish, when you smile like that. My friend, what do you really want from me?

 I need to sleep.
5 am.
Good hour.
One last cigarette (the sixth, way more than outside) and off I go to the land of dreams.

 I need to stop thinking.
I need to start dreaming.
I need to do it!

 I just made a cigarette and I am going to smoke it at the window, watching the empty street from my 5th floor.

 Goodnight.
Sweet dreams.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Easter time: cleaning and rebirth time

Image
  This is Easter time. This is the time of rebirth like Christ Himself, the time to rise from my own ashes, like the Phoenix. And having written this, I am thinking about social media and the amount of accounts that I follow uselessly. Twitter is in worse conditions: I have followed almost 2000 accounts recently. Mostly linked to gay porn, accounts that share gay clips and certain men who share semi-nudes, teasing their viewers to buy a subscription for their OnlyFans accounts. It's useless and I followed most of them because the images were pleasant. I have even thought about getting myself an alt account, so that I could follow certain accounts freely. It happenes that my Twitter account is 11 years old, I have a massive number of people who have blocked me, including politicians and political parties in my country and I'll honestly stick to those honor badges. I'll unfollow the vast majority of people and accounts that I came to follow and stick to those whom I've re
Read more

The Blessing and the Curse of Technology

Technology is a blessing. And a curse. I am typing this message inside a very full bus. Few seats and not that much space for people doing this long hour trip on their feet. I am deactivating the cell phone's browser and Google Chrome, as I am sticking with Brave and have been for a while. And this process has been kinda painful: Google Chrome is the most used web browser and as most cell phones are part of Android universe, it's more than natural. However, it hands me a little too many ads and trying to read anything is almost certain that I'll end up hitting a surprise pop up ad. My cell phone is a Redmi, which gives me Mi Browser as a default. And although Mi browser blocks some commercials, it still allows pop ups; trying to see something on YouTube still gives me ads, despite the ad block. And although I'd like to use the easiness of Chrome or being faithful to Mi Browser, Brave wins. Wins because you block ads, because it blocks cookies without having websites ask
Read more

Following and Unfollowing

I've recently started cleaning my social media following. Again. In the last week's, I've been unfollowing a lot of accounts related with porn, leaving only those accounts that share some clips and some actors, and politics. However, I know myself and I know I'll be chasing some of those people back. From both spectrums. The thing is that anxiety makes me do it. I even follow and unfollow people that I know in a spree. My mind works in a strange way. I think that me and a certain person haven't been in each other's life for a while, so it doesn't makes sense to still follow them. As for porn or politics, I'm tired of chasing the same old thing - cock or the politicians I'm voting for - under different faces or backgrounds. So I unfollow them. Later on, I'll start following them again, because... Well, because they've been followed by me before and I liked what I saw. Things are still going down the path where I unfollow them. I'll most li
Read more