Monday, October 20, 2014

Fame and Fortune, Family and Friends

I am back to The Alterium, the website for the alternative. The same goes for the fetish / BDSM oriented website where I was also at. I got them deleted, because I started thinking of the serious possibility of sudden fame & fortune. What would happen if that famous artist of any kind (me) were discovered in such places. The same thought has gone through Facebook and Twitter, but this was more because of family and some acquaintances... I did started a new Facebook account and started to change some settings on it. I have started to change the settings on Twitter, but I would be possibly still there, change settings, writing on my profiles, doing the whole demanding thing, without having the time to do whatever has pleased me the most.
Well, screw them.
About whatever I do online, not everyone needs to know the links or the reasons that led me here or there about family, they have put themselves in the position of strangers, where they have no reason or the right to an opinion about my life. About certain friends and acquaintances... who are they to judge me? I am not giving links, I am not telling the to go ahead and check me out, to check out those naked pictures that I used to have there, but I am not denying or hiding that I am here or there, doing this or that. It's my life and it's all about me and my-sweet-self.
Whatever others say or imagine, it's with them.
I want to live it all at my very own way. I don't want to have to hide much more than I've hidden through my whole life.
So I am back to both websites and I will need to wait at least two weeks before I can attach my e-mail account to my Facebook again. My regular e-mail account is used for everything: for this blog, for Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, both other websites that I have mentioned. I have another e-mail account, yahoo, connected to gmail, because of my blog with my dearest penfriend, Erin. And I still have a third and secret e-mail account for porn. I have thought about using this fourth e-mail account (this one for porn, you know?), that is also attached to gmail, to get my accounts back. Being paranoid is not as easy or as cool as some people might think.

Fame and Fortune, that people crave. I'd crave for Fortune only. Fame appears to steal too many stuffs from people's lives.
I wouldn't be able to smoke my joints in the streets. I wouldn't be able to do my night walks, with undesired company or even on my own. I wouldn't be able to hunt for night lovers or even t show to that friend of mine that I am into him.
So I wish I only had the Fortune. And the Fortune would carry me on a black carriage, pulled by black horses through the city at night. I would smoke, as I was looking through the dark glasses of the carriage, seing people amazed, thrilled or even freaked out looking the the black passing carriage pulled by six or eight black horses. The passing cars wouldn't be important at all. And maybe even yours' would stop to stare at this scenery.
And you, my newest "friend", who I'm into. You'd be naked and tied inside my carriage and  would use and abuse of you throut the night streets of the city.
I am back... with all my madness!

Saturday, October 11, 2014


I was walking down the streets, I could the see the very dark clouds in the horizon. I thought: "it seems that a thunderstorm is on the way" and in the immediate next second, the lightning ripped the sky. The rain falls outside and I'm just sitting on a barely empty Internet Indian shop. A black man types in his computer, in the other corner of the store, while the two Indian men are speaking between themselves.
The changes have started not too long ago. But there's so much needing to be changed yet. Like the thunderstorm took it time to reach the sky of the city, I'll need my own time to make and improve the necessary changes. Right now, I only have to please myself online, the way it really pleases me the most.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Maybe we'll remember

Maybe this will help you to remember where did you came from.
Maybe this will remember you where have you been in the meantime.
Maybe through the musics I am sharing with you, you'll feel my presence close to you. My spirit will travel next to yours, it'll hug you and tell you: "everything will be just OK!". Or maybe my spirit is wiser than my body and my mind and it'll stay in silence.

I do want to believe that I am growing mature in my way of dealing with people and with the world. I do want to believe that I am growing mature on my relationship with myself and with my art and with what I do like and enjoy. But it always takes time. It always takes the time of out-growing of all the fears and insecurities, of all those negative people in our lives.

Maybe this'll help us both to remember where did we came from and to where we're walking to.