Thursday, July 26, 2007

Some Kind Of Destruction

It´s quite funny to watch how people judge you only for a matter of "styles"... Nowadays, we can´t talk much about styles, but about life styles. Well, it's stilll quite funny to hear people saying that I'm tired, when I'm feeling great with all the darkness inside of me. I know, the "out view" is quite important, but I don't feel it like being all of me. Ok, I admit, I'm not very well, I'm feeling empty inside, melancholic... I don't know! I fail to understand myself... I'm sorry, I'm not OK, so don't ask me for beautiful words... Emptiness... Sadness... Melancholy... A bit of Fado would help me, but it's Dani Filth who's singing on my mp3... Funny thing, I used to feel powerful when I heard this guy... But this emptiness is not helping!! Nothing does!!
After yelling at my mother, I took an anti-depressant, a pill that I wasn't supposed to take... I drank alcohol... I'm wanting to get drunk, or highed... Stoned... It would be good!!! It would be very good!!!
I hate you all, people, you who can make me doubt of myself... I'm proud of what and of who I am!!! Maybe I'll die tonight... Tomorrow we'll see!!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Searching For Inexistance

Searching For Inexistance... Such a joke wich came into my mind!!! How can I look for something wich doesn't exists?! But this is a relative concept... I'm looking for the emptiness that I used to feel once, I'm looking for something wich is called of memory! I need sometimes to feel like dead... Lay down on the ground, with my arms wide open, looking to the sky and just relax... Stupid soul, wich feels soooo much the things, of so sensitive it is... I have a very fragile soul, maybe as any of those artists that I worship, as someone has told me before, but I don't wanna be compared to anyone. I am what I am and I'm proud of it, I am proud of being what and who I am, I am proud of myself...
I would like to turn out as a shadow, just a little shadow in the memory of someone, wich I walked in front of... I would like to, I swear!!! Maybe someday I walk into the caravans of life and nobody else will ever see me again... Dreams... Free words, in a notebook wich I don't have, except in my mind... No... No... AND NO!!! I'm here and I'll be here to see the end!!!
Some people look for fame and fortune, others for happiness, others for immortality, I'm just looking for inexistance!!!