Friday, December 28, 2012

And Days Pass By

Just been with a girl friend of mine. It's been a while since we've had a coffee, but this quickie served well! The boy, working his body, was there, half naked. Too bad he wasn't naked in my bed! People are around there, people keep living, doing and saying things, they keep behaving, putting me aside with stuffs/words/actions. I still think that it would be the best for me to walk away, but then again, I am addicted in that café!

My girl friend also saw Logan McCree in my blog and I have showed her some pictures of him, on google. She got amazed! I am amazed and addicted in that men since I first saw him! Well, I think that with that man, I would start considering to turn a monogamic creature!! :P

Eheh, days pass by, I keep fantasizing, living and dreaming! In the end, that'll be my escape from the bad things, as it has always been!!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Been busy doing nothing...

the last few days. Then again, it has been Christmas, and between holiday, getting high and drunk with friends, thinking and analyising the situation of my life (including a job I got and that I am thinking on refusing, as I won't get paid if I do not get contracts for TV, home phone and Internet services, as most people arte struggling with bills to pay and if they don't have those services already, they're not wishing to get them), I have been busy doing nothing.

Dead men do not walk, but some of the people that you start to wonder if they're dead or not, seem to enjoy showing up. You throw at their faces how shitty their actions are, they accept them, but never without a fight, then they start hanging around with you like if nothing has happened!

Drunk people shouldn't be condemned by their words or their actions, if they haven't killed anyone. But when they're drunk, their actions speak louder than when they're sobber: nthere's no lies beneath words/actions and thoughts!

I am not a drug dealer. I know a few hash dealers and so people feel free to call or text me to get them some hash, so they can improve to do their joints. Get lost, as I am not a dealer, so I don't need such things: I don't need that copos look even further to me, I don't need that my phone is "listened" and tracked, due to your calls/texts.

Getting a job seems a hard task, especially around this season (Christmas and New Year's eves). But when you feel trapped between the loyalty to a friend, who got you a job, no matter how shitty and how sure you are that you won't get paid, and when you're not getting any results on the hunting... Dammed!!

So this is it!! Been busy doing nothing! If your humour is quite easy to be caught, joing a bottle or two of Tequila and a few joints... Dammed!! You'll be doing nothing, by doing quite a lot, as standing assholes!!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Playing Tribalwars Again

And praying that I do not get "unused" to this! Used to play this a while ago, but then lost my internet connection. My village's been conquered! Decided to try again, in the hope to be able to visit it at least ojne time a day, with my mobile (or a new mobile, if it applies!)! Decieed to try Grepolis either, but still too confusing for me, so I think I'll have to leave Grepolis for later on!

Playing tribalwars... Well, thought about coming to the internet, to recreate my account on tribalwars. €1 for a game: cool! Used to enjoy playing it,m although it can be such a boring game, as it's all strategy, with no action to see, as Age Of Empires.

Anyways... this might be s tupid topic. I am not caring anymore: I simply want to have fun and enjoy the world and life. All the rest is crap!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Closed Eyes

And allowing the rain to fall over me! Allowing myself to try a rain's bath! Allowing the sadness to be clean: it's a dirty sadness, due to the murdered buddy!

Short entry! Not much to say! And maybe there are quite a lot to say... i simply can not find the words!

Friday, December 07, 2012

Taking The Time

I am taking the time to stop by and smell the flowers. I am taking the time to walk in the Wintry gardens, with dead leaves everywhere. i am taking the time to walk under the rain, with my umbrella open, listening to the rain falling over it. I am taking the time to tweet to some pornographivc actors that I didn't even knew or seen, if I did, I haven't noticed them (Logan Mc Cree is my big man!). I am taking the time to enjoy some stuffs and am taking the time to try to forgive some atitudes from people. I am taking the time relax and not punch this fucking tranny sitted by my side, speaking creole and not shutting the fuck up, while I am trying to type. The THING keeps turning the chair, hitting mine, unfoccusing me from what I am wanting to type. From times to times, she/he/it/what-fucking-ever looks at me, as I do type quite fastg and the noisy keyboard stops her/him/it/what-fucking-ever to listen to what the dude/tranny/girl/thing/whoever's in the other side (I saw a HUGE black man, but we never know) says!

I am now taking the time to live!! Of course, I will have to get a job soon, but this will not stop me from taking the time to enjoy my life at it's fullest, to live at my own way, smoke my joints and enjoy the high flyings!

I am taking the time to believe in a better day which is coming!

Thursday, December 06, 2012

The house in the beach

Listening to this song, I do imgine myself awaiting for my love, sitted inside the house in the beach. The door wouldn't be shut, but it wouldn't be open either... Some kind of black curtains would be dancing with the wind. The fog outside would almost cover the view of the sea. The sea would be singing for the one who has been gone in itself. ~The smoke of my cigarette would be raising to the ceiling.

I think on how amazing it would be to live near the sea. The world wouldn't matters anymore. No one would ever be important anymore. I would be one with the sea and the sand and the fog and the sun and the night.

I do imagine the steps in the ground.... And then, just silence... One more cigarette and nothing else, anymore...

Wednesday, December 05, 2012


I am wanting to create a blog. A central blog, where I can put all the same work that I have been putting here, since I have created these blogs!

I went to sleep thinking about this and then I got up thinking about it! I do have three blogs and perhaps it would be for the very best to get a neew one, since I don't know any way to make a fusion between at least two of my blogs! If I could do that, I'll gladly would...

This way, I am thinking on getting a fourth blog, to where I'll be "moving to". These ones will be here, but I might be moving ahead, as three blogs can be a truly harsh work to stand! I am pretty proud of what I've been doing here, since I was barely a teen.

Anyways, if that ever happehns, I might stay around blogspot. If not, I would be around wordpress or anything similar. I am thinking, for a while now, about getting an account on tumblr. ^But that won't be for now... Maybe if I get an android mobilke for Christmas! Eheheh!!

Anyways, do not worry, I won't be going anywhere for now!!

Monday, December 03, 2012


Here's something quite awesome! Here's something to bring tears to my eyes! Vinícius de Moraes singing at Amália Rodrigues' house! One poem that he has writen for her to sing! The poet gives a quite gloomy sound to the song! But the poet knows what he's doing! The poet knows the dance of the voice; the poet knows who he's singing to!

Amália, in her living room, listens to him and absorbs the feeling! Amália Rodrigues, in all her entire magnificence, absorbs what she got to feel, the way she has to sing the song!
Amália says: now I am going to try!
Jusat imagine it like at 3 a.m., smoke of cigarettes in the air, lots of people around the sofas. Papers everywhere, with poems, with sketches of poems, ways to turn them into a song! Just imagine how would you feel inside that room!
Ditature! State police! No freedom to speak out loud whatever you wanted to (and we're losing this nowadays)! 

I feel just this amazed, to the point of imagine being part of such nights. Or to simply be a part of a new group of the kind!
It's just wonderful to dream and to imagine! It's just amazing to simply let ourselves go this way!
Connections of souls... Brasil seems to hate Portugal! Such things that I know from others! In Portugal there are stupid jokes of Brazilians! I have a Brazilian cousin and I love her! Amália was Portuguese! Vinícius was Brazilian! And we see how wonderful that friendship worked out!
We're all connected
We all love!
We all hate!
But we all have the common truth of being alive!

Sunday, December 02, 2012


I think that things aren't that shocking! I am not any hottie! I am not a hunk! I am not a "butterfly" or  "little flower"! Almost kidding (almost serious!), I have said that I am an homophobic faggot! I care not on being gay, I do love being gay, I do love men, but I couldn't stnd other gy dudes around me: I tend to shoo them away! I have been introduced to a few gay dudes in my life, but I mostly prefered to stand alone, than to have them around, especially if they have the "broken wrist" on!

I have found a profile of a very sexy dude, with all his muscles on, with a body filled with tattoos! The text of the profile was a very nice one, someone who could defend all those who would like to shock and shake the world! Sexy dude, openly gay: shocking?... It has been for me, I have to say! I have learned that, although I am openly gay to friends, it's for the best to keep shut and quiet about your sexuality: the place I live at is a very harsh place to be this free!

This dude hasn't said anything, but I wasn't looking for any kind of answer! I want simply to let things be! I will be myself, as I have always been... About all the others?... Screw them, especially if you're gay: I'm an Homophobic Faggot!!

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Thinking About The Sea

about how I miss it! About I am needing to see the sea, to feel the sea, to kiss the sea! About how much time I would need, how much hashish I would need to feel healed: the next time this hits me this way, I might not allow myself to calm down to tell the tale!
I am thinking about the sea: I need to walk in the beach, to sing, to run, to laugh, to cry, to roll in the sand. I need to let these shadows to get out of me! I need to surpass the spirit itself! My soul is not in peace! My body is not in peace! Days keep passing by and the most I laugh, the sadest I feel: I feel sad, day by day, just because I can't laugh with a real feeling of happiness! What I get is never enough and I can n't let go of such feelings! My soul feels like bleeding, but no one's seing the blood dripping outta me! No one's seing the wounds!
I am thinking on how wonderful it would be to be listening to the sea singing to me. By my side, a lover, about to hug or fuck me hard! Or maybe, a knife or any knid of blade, about to cut my wrists again, as when I used to self-harm! And the sea would sing for me... The sea would cry with me!


...that some things go as I want them to! At least this time, I do hope that I can change anything in my life, by getting anything I want! I am praying for Christmas week: I am not praying for the money or for the mobile I secretely want, I am wishing that dude which is coming to Portugal for the season. We have a pending conversation for a while now, I am suffering before the time as come and I have already ordered a little bit of hashish to a friend of mine: I don't want to get highed before going to talk with that dude, I want to get highed after the conversations, as I know it'll help me to relax and I know I will need it!

Wishing that at least this time, things can go as planned: but life never allows things to go as we plan them. At least, not at 100%, so I need to count on any kind on disapointment: I don't care! My plans aren't unperfect, I do not plan them at the minimal move, but I do wish some things...

As well as I wish I could improve my Facebook or Twitter accounts with imges that I hve downloded from the internet or even with any pictures of mine: the bad thing with this is that by being in a cyber shop, I can not spend too much time personalising those accounts, so I have to do little things, with  tiny amount of time!

Wishing that at least today, joy will remain until the end of the night! I won't be highed at the birthday party, I won't be drunk, so I can not promise to anyone, not even to my friend Miriam, or to the birthday boy, her boyfriend Marcos, that I will be the image of joy: I can only promise that I will try to!

Wishing my cigarettes, but still haing a little time to enjoy here: how many wrong things would I be doing at home, in my bed, with my laptop and the camera on?