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Bye bye Instagram (Facebook should've gone too)

In the last few days, I have decided to permanently delete both my Facebook and Instagram accounts. I tweeted my friend Elizabeth, telling her not to worry if she didn't see me online, because of what I've previously mentioned. Her "Oh. Why?" was enough to bring me back to Facebook (once you decide to delete Instagram, instead of suspending it, it's gone forever.) I feel I'm going crazy: too much free time and too much Internet can have this effect on people. Believe me. It's late in the night and I should be sleeping, instead of sitting in the bed and smoking cigarettes. I should be sleeping, instead of reading articles online, about Brexit, new political parties in my country and the latest insanity on the news. I should be sleeping instead. But here I am, typing this entry, full of non sense, explaining myself to no one in particular but me.  On a brighter note, I have gone with two friends of mine to a beer brewery in Lisbon. I don't drink beer, …
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Back to GoodReads and to Pinterest!

Some time ago, I have deleted my GoodReads account. This made me lose all the "progress" I had there, all the reviews and all the comments.
Some time has passed and I decided to set my account again. I just made some reviews of books that I am aware of how much they pleased me, of the words I have to say about them (some of those reviews, need to be reviewed themselves), of the rating they deserve, in my humble opinion.Back with GoodReads, back with Pinterest. With GoodReads, because I read, although I do not read as much as I'd like and I find the "reading challenge" a nice incentive to read more. With Pinterest, because I've started crafting FB's, after a while, and I want to take some ideas, get some orientation on the "how to do", on the "know how". Also, Pinterest seems to offer a vast range of ideas for different things and that is precious. Knowledge is never too much.I'm writing this entry, because I needed to set down my…

Gathering pieces and bits: I'm mad and getting worse.

I've been gathering pieces and bits of myself.
I got my goodreads account back - it's empty.
I got my pinterest account back - its empty.
I decided to join both of my Twitter accounts together - the one that 'survived' had followed and unfollowed so many people, that whenever I stop to think about it, I freak out. (The same goes to the people and the pages that I've followed and unfollowed countless times.) I have always been insecure. And that has reflected in the various things in my life: the latest and most direct ones, are related to the social media.
My levels of anxiety and stress, have increased much. I am not being followed by any kind of therapist, neither I'm following a strict diet or taking a cocktail of prescribed drugs. I am. And being annoys me. One of the most valuable piece of advice I have got in my life is: 'learn to let go'. I haven't learned that at a younger age. Is there any chance or hope that I'll learn it now, in my…

Awaiting!

I'm sitting alone in a café, waiting for a friend. A group of guys speaks behind of me and it's cold.I thought and even wrote a big text, but the "Blogger" application doesn't save security sketches, if you don't save the sketch yourself. Sometimes, it's a blessing.
Procrastination became so much more than just something I do. I became a bit too good on that, especially since I stopped giving excuses. I procrastine. Just because I want to. Just because that. And, also, because I've became too comfortably numb. I know that it's of no use to say it's a time of change. I know myself a little bit too well and I know I'll always get a way out of changes.
Lately, I think of the change I am not making. I think about the opportunities the Universe is putting on my path, through street signs, through small pieces of paper with publicity on them, dropped inside my mail box. I think and there are some good and very positive thoughts being thought, bu…

I don't have (m)any social networks

In the last couple of months or so, my life has suffered some changes: grand, major changes have happened, that have changed the structure of my roots in life, while others have changed my professional life.
Inevitably, this also changed my mentality about certain aspects of life. It brought to a point where I no longer could stand certain hypocritical behaviours from certain people (or people in general, but yeah, you got it!). With this, I came to a point of deleting all my social media: I mean, I haven't deleted Facebook, because I need Messenger to keep in touch with some people, but the account itself has been suspended; I've susoended Instagram, that I have reactivated the other night; I've deleted Twitter and although I got a second account in the meantime, it's already in the deleting process. I can say I haven't missed anything and people are still in the same everyday life, their thoughts and behaviours are exactly the same, although they may hide some of…

Free e-book giveaway: a Facebook contest!

As you know, if you're an usual reader of this blog, this book is one of my very favorites, alongside with the author.
Are you keen to read about your deepest and darker desires? Do you live the night as if it were the house of your soul? Do night creatures are your best friends? I think this book might be for you: all you have to do is copy the link I've given on the image's description, paste it on your browser and follow the steps on the Facebook page and you may be the happy and fortunate winner of this e-book.
The contest is open until January 31st, then the winner ( that may very well be you!) will be chosen. So don't waste any more time and follow this!

If you need more info about this book or anything about Lizbeth, you can find it on her Facebook page (following the link, you can like the page, add it to "see first" and turn your notifications on) or on her blog (press here).

Crazy

Anxiety spread in confessions

In 2017, many things have happened:  he cafe where I worked at has been sold and I didn't got along very well with the new bosses. I kind of got fired, kind of got invited to quit, all of that through text messages. Some things with my health weren't at 100% and that made me have to take some injections and in the meantime I've made new tests and the appointment is in almost two weeks. I'm already stressed out with everything, but this is picking on my levels of stress like mad and upset bees.In the meantime, with a very bad (and I have to admit, obsessive) time with everything that went wrong and that I got to hear of what my old bosses have been saying about me, I started going to another cafe (isn't it a bit too obvious that I enjoy cafes a lot, both working in one or being a costumer?). There, I came to meet some people of which I didn't like: we've had a not so good past, for many reasons. Some apologised about the past. Others have seen set another le…

Rating Blogger (the Google play store app)

I have decided to do this, after trying to write and publish a large text via the application for mobile phones and tablets, that you can find on the Google play store. I don't need to mention that it is android, because you'll know it. Not too long ago, I have rated this application with two stars. It happens that I have had to decreased my rating to one star and change my review. At first, I thought the app was very good although very, very basic. With time, I came to the conclusion that the application was very, very poor and full of problems (call it bugs, if you want to). I was typing a text about the lawsuit of Radiohead against Lana del Rey and I when I went to do a research, putting the app on second plan, it erased the entire text that was frankly large in amount of words and was being enriched with research and sources. Said this, I cannot give this application more than one star. About the blogging system in general, throughout the website, I like it a lot, but I n…

#metoo

I've seen that tag around. On Facebook. On Twitter.
#metoo - I but what do they mean with that tag? What's that they are trying to tell us with "me too"? I haven't gone further on what this hashtag means, but it seems that this hashtag has to do with the demonstration of the women who have been sexually harassed by men.
OK. To begin with, I'm not a woman. Then, I feel that I have to say, once again, that I am a gay man. And what do gay men might have to do with that hashtag? Well, I write of my own experience, that we, too, can get sexually harassed. It might come from another gay men, from women and, more recurrent in my life, it comes from straight guys.
Trying to fit this to my point, I have shared an article that spoke of the rape, torture and murder of a trans activist in Turley, last year. With that article, I have shared a quote of the text that said something about those who look at us as sexual objects. And it's true - when you are not the typica…

I'm tired of serving as an experiment

Message me. I see the difference between us. You're young, full of testosterone, straight. I'm eleven years older, full of experience, gay. You tell me you are curious. I am tired of giving experiences to guys like you. I've been there too many times, done that too many times and now I am tired of that.  My response showed you my lack of interest right from the beginning. Quite possibly, you've gone through other profiles and found someone to delight you with a warm mouth. It's not my business. 
I have been putting myself aside many things lately. Like I've already mentioned, I've been there and done that and I am no longer willing to do it again. Not now. I'm tired of way too many things. And yet, I'm not surprised with what happens. The more time passes by, the less surprised I am. The more time passes by, the less willing and receptive I am to people, their desires, their curiosity.  Don't get me wrong. It's all cool. I won't be judgi…

I shouldn't be writing this

It's windy outside.
This city has this special relationship with constant wind and with danger.
I'm high. My friend gives me a ride home and I walk beside the trash truck. Almost like an escape from any danger on the other side of the street.
There is nothing special in this. I always look back, from the corner of the eye. High or sober. Or tired. Very tired.
I feel like having my chest bursting, but I can't seem to be capable of writing down my feelings. What if I started drawing? All over again?
I have plans and ideas for some collages. The same plan I used to have with a story that I have never written again. I have plans to sit in front of the paper with pencils sharpened (even the colouring ones) and just let it flow. Like she said to me too many times, alowing myself to express myself (is this even correct?), even if only with a simple dot.I keep pushing away opportunities. I keep pushing people away.
Don't come that close. Come on! How dare you?I keep my fear. M…

I gotta keep it up more to myself

I shall not write too much.
I shall not speak too much.
I shall not pass too much info to whoever reads or listens to me.
I shall not let my emotions drive my use of words.
I shall not remember white spaces with wet grey floor and strong smell to piss. Or a small building, nearly destroyed, where things happened on a daily basis, that you'd expect them to happen only in movies.
I have to sleep.
I have to log off the Internet, turn off my phone and avoid his phone calls.
I have to exit the streets during the weekend.
He's no boogie man, rather an annoying carnivorous trying to get his meat, decided to take even by force.
I have to sleep.
Good night (I'm sorry for the inconvenience and any possible lack of sense in this text)

I should be less of a bitch

I know, I know. I should be less of a bitchy guy, but what to do?
I know that I am using a dating app, however I have nothing there that tells I am looking for something. People are annoying in the real world and they can be more annoying in the virtual world - in the end, I just want to look at endless profiles and look at endless opportunities that I could take if I were open to that.
I am not.
People bother me even more, the more time passes by. People annoy me and my great desire to move to the countryside, where the possibility to see anyone decreases with the arrival of winter. I want to move to my grand dad's house (he passed away almost seven years ago) and live here for the rest of my life - since I was a little kid I have wanted to and the desire to do so only increases, the more life passes by and the more I deal with people.
I know that I should allow them to come close, but I even want to move to this tiny little place, far from nearly everything and everyone, as I h…