Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Maybe I'm The Crazy One... Just maybe...







There's a lot changing lately... Summer time is here, with its overheated HOT and DRY weather. And it seems that with Summer time, people reminded that I exist, that they need me and it's the time for all my friends callsme to a coffee, to be with them for a night, for gambling, for chatting, for weed or anything my presence is requested. And it also seems to be the time I realise I'm changing...
Fortunatelly, I deall with different people... People with all the kinds of life stories, people with different likes, people with different kinda conversations. I don't even feel bothered by strangers.
My god daughter sent me via bluetooth to my cell phone a music called "levaste minha vida" (you took my life). It's a soft piano song with hip-hop rythm, but I like the lyrics and so I'm listening to it. Sorry if you're bothered, so you can search the next blog. *ahah* black roses for ya*
I need so much more, this summer... Maybe a little bit of beach, with extra-strong sunprotector, to keep my whiteness, not to get a lobster coloured skin. eheh* devilish giggle* I feel I am rediscovering my life, the way of being happy, eventhough it's a fake happiness. At last, I'll have something to feel comfortable by.
I need to fall in love... I need to feel a little bit more alive... I need to get my poles balanced, to avoid my crisis... I need so much and at the smaetime, so few!!
Am I the crazy guy? Or am I the guy who just got thirst for life, that everyne around is trying to kill??
Let mebe... Let me think and commit my mistakes... Let me be happy!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Once upon a time...


There were a soul... A little shinnig star in the night sky of burning stars. That little star used to dream of a beautiful universe of art, music and beauty.
Time passed by and the star started getting disapointed with the world... Things weren't going in the direction it wanted. Everything gone different...
Now, its a lost little artist... It lives in caffes with friends... It listens to an old voice of the past... It writes some poetry... It smokes a lot... It do lots of things normal and so many others that are not so normal...
You go it, I'm talking about myself.. My star stopped shinning. I stopped feeling... I need my feelings back... I need to know how to feel joy... I need to know how to be able to love someone... I need to be able to fly away, withouth leaving my place once again... I need everything of me back...
Is there anyone reading this? Is there anyone able to help me to?

Friday, June 12, 2009

Tired... And so old...


I'm feeling tired... Yesterday, I finally talked to my boss... He said he wanted to make a contract to me, 9 moths after being in that caffé. I wanna leave. I told him that probably I would leave, I just needed to talk to my mother first. Cheated. But I came home with that little taste of freedom to come in my mouth and in my soul. But in the reverse, there's my thought on my costumers. I suppose that I don't want people that far as I thought. Lately, I find myself affraid of the idea of being alone. I am affraid, for the first time in a long, long time.
Tomorrow, I'll tell him I wanna leave. No matter how, I wanna eave, with no courts, with no anger, ith no fear and no regrets. I don't wanna look back. I just wanna leave and stop for a while. People lok at me and say I look way older than 21 and that's my age. I look way older, I feel the rides under my eyes... *hehe*, rides does not scare me! Anyway, I feel older than 21. There are some days I feel like if I was 10 years old and in other days, I feel like I was 90 years old.
I need to focs in the real matter... I wanna leave and I'll tell it to him tomorrow. I know my friend will be mad at me, but I feel to tired. Lately, I feel I smile much less than I already used to, I feel I think there's nothing happy or funny enough. I need to hange some things but thre's no more strenght for now. I justneed to leave.
Despite all of this, despite this wicked depression I'm feeling into again, I feel more trustful than never before. It's like this weariness is not strong enough to bring me down. But my body is exausted. I am too tired. It's like there were two strong weights in a balance and there were no balane point between the two of them. Or like if they were too heavy for that nd it was about to break. I need to rest! FRIENDS AND BUDDIES, I NEED TO REST! IS THAT TO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND??

Monday, June 08, 2009

Old people... New people...

It's funny how do we meet scared for them... Not exactly scared, but the fear of seing them again,after a long period of time withouth even feeling their look! And when we meet,through our friends, old internet buddies, it's weirder.

I can not explain this... It's that kinda feeling that only when somene experiences it can understand. It was such a weird day off from job. Woke up at 4 p.m., went to the caffé at 6, met some friends, has been there with another friend, went home and I am going to the caffé again. Don't know why do I feel like sadened in the end of another day, when sun goes down nd moon starts shinning up there in the sky. Smoking, sat in a chair, looking the sky out there...Poet,Fadista, painter and many other things... I could be tht and much more... I wish I was that and much more... I wish I could...

One more day, another defeat... Always here, always the same..