Tuesday, July 05, 2016

Over thinker

I overthink about nearly everything.
I think. And think again. And even if I don't take a single step to change, I think again. Stupid, useless and actually very sad, but I think and keep thinking and thinking again.
One of my latest and most recurrent thoughts is about this blog and it future. With this, I analyze the possibility to annihilate my Twitter and my Tumblr accounts, to start 'em over. What's the point? What's the fucking point? And still, I keep desiring such things and thinking about them. What will change with that? What will come my way by doing that, that hasn't come until now? The answer: nothing!
My life needs immediate changes and it'll only happen if I work my butt off to get all my effort paid. If not, Iit doesn't really matters how much I whine, and cry, and curse whatever is there to be cursed. Action attracts change, not being on inertia.

I see time passing by. I realize how fast it's vanishing and yet I am stupidly enough to stay in my little bubble.
I put people aside and away. I am tired of dealing with them. I am tired of the joy of a day being rhe argument of another one. I am tired of sick and senseless gossip, of back talking and back stabbing. I am sick of people pretending and lying and faking their friendships. And I see this a lot.

One of the most current thoughts (have I mentioned that I think and think and think?... ), is my desire to leave everything and everyone behind, head to North and disappear in the old village where my grandparents were from and lived nearly their entire lives. I wouldn't regret it and I wouldn't think on returning to the city that I curse now. I've had friends and acquaintances moving to a different city or to a different country and they returned not long after. The reason? They missed their friends.
I couldn't return because of my friends. I wouldn't do it.

My desire. My madness.

I think.
And all of my thoughts are driving me crazy, letting me without any peace of mind.
The older I get, the more I think. The more I desire.