About nightwalks, coffee and my life

Years ago, I read one post at E.'s blog. She typed about nightwalks. At that time, I was a bit too young to understand such thing. Nowadays, night walks are the regular stuff for me. With people or by myself. In way many times, with cold, rain, in hot nights... I went out of m flat, picked the elevator to leave my 5th floor and go out. I walk with no destination. I walk to the gas station to drink one coffee. One more coffee.
The nearly full moon in the sky has been my company tonight. People have left the cafe earlier than usually. Most of those who were there, wasn't the kind of company that I wanted. I came home and left again. To the gas station. I walked up the avenue. Stopped by the gas station. This fat gay man, friend of a friend, asked me about our mutual friend. He also asked me if I found the boy that I've greeted handsome. "Yes, he is" I replied "but I like bigger men". 
I have left. Slowly, with my earphones playing the music, I walked down the other avenue, where's the police station at. My steps, that usually are quick ones, were quite slow. I walked while thinking and listening to the music. A man in a car, leaving his parking place. My thoughts flying, fantasizing with a disco, as the music played.
The park way close to my house. Election times allow us to have new lamps in the street lamp posts, so the park wasn't so dark as usually, but tonight I craved for a bit of darkness on that park. Only the moonlight to guide my steps.
Cars passing by. People passing by. I am passing by too. I am always passing by. I'm never there to stay. I am a shadow. The shadow everyone see passing by, but that no one ever sees stopping by anywhere. I stop here and there. I get my skull bored off and then I jump off to another place.
Same goes with most people nowadays.
I plan. I keep planning.and plans are just plans.
I'm at home earlier tonight. It wasn't even midnight when I have arrived. I left and I returned when it were 1 am. Early for me. But I'll try to lay down early too. Instead of laying down at 5 or 6 am, I might get to the bed in one hour or so. I need to change the place of my bedroom's furniture as I wanted to do this afternoon. I need tp get logged to the Internet earlier, to get my eye on some work announcements. There's a shoe store in the middle of the avenue asking for employees. I should've gone there before, but the idea of working there hasn't really pleased me. But since there's nothing else in sight yet, I need to grab what I can, even if it's selling shoes, until I manage to get some cash for my stuffs, to improvemy life, what includes keeping on a job hunting, so I can get something that'll allow me to study at night.

There is so much. So much that you can get on a nightwalk. So much that you can take out of a coffee out of hours. Planning is good, but when you're going for it, fighting for what you want / have to / need to, it is way better. I have admitted that I haven't fought enough. I have been admitting that I am being the one and only brake in my own life. It is the time that I get out of the "confessional" and go for the fight of life and dreams and hopes.

The nearly full moon shines outside and the music keeps playing in the earphones. Continuosly, I fantasize of a disco in the middle of Lisbon (or by the riverside. "Hawai" and it's waiter. Yumm!)! I fantasize continuosly of a man. Maybe it is you. Maybe it is my friend (or one of them). Maybe it is my friend's married workmate. Maybe it is none of those.
Just the full moon.
Just the music.
Just the disco.
The car in the night.
Bodies.
Sweatty bodies against each other.
Moans.
Sex.
Lots of sex.

And my fantasies still spin around.

Time to go.