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Showing posts from 2014

Checking out

I have been checking what my Google Plus account has. I have been checking who is on people that I might know, due to who I have in common, here and there. This isn't the only confuse account I have online - even my real life is somewhat of confuse. I am bringing up some stuffs of m,y soul that are no good for readers or viewers -  they are good to calm down my soul. In the matter that I need of my own mess to feel a bit more "calm and satisfied", something that seems to be a nearly impossible task. Nothing calms me down. Nothing satisfies me. And I will die a madened man with a madened soul and mind.

I miss everything

I miss people that have no idea of how much I do miss them. I see people that have no idea of how much do they annoy me. I deal with people that have no idea of how much do I despise them. The man sitting by side stinks and pushed my chair twice (I'll keep some of the thoughts for me or I would be accused of racism). The man sitting by my side annoys me with his smell. The man by side annoys me by the simple fact of being sitting by my side.
I am trying to get over some of my feelings - some of the people have already realized what do I feel about them and have learned to leave the shit out of me alone; others simply seem to be such idiots and to insist on formulas cursed from the very beggining. C'mon, are you that dumb?! Are you that idiot, that you wouldn't realize that you are annoying me or do you feel that good by leaving so pissed off, that all my answers are going to be incisive, for you and for everyone around me?! Even you, my sweet friend, even you are always i…

Whatever I could have wanted to do or to say...

Yep! Yep! That's right, gentlemen! Fuck it all! That's all I have to say right now!

A sea of umbrellas

I went to do some necessary shoppings. It rains hard outside and the river near my house is almost dropping out. The wild ducks found safety on the grass. I hate to walk in seas of umbrellas - don't get me wrong, I love the rain and rainy days, both to walk outside and to stay at home doing anything pleasant enough for, I just hate have to walk a bit more slowly due to some people who seem to be naturally slow. Almost one month has passed by since a friend of purs has died and that has been the hell of a quick month. In the meantime, my mother has fell on her job and have had to stay at home since then. My mental sanity hasn't been the best, but I am putting an effort on staying well. I have been doing the somewhat of my part-time job in the cafe where I used to be a regular costumer for the last almost eight years (8 years?! Ha! I'm getting old here, peeps). The last times have been rough ones for my writings and for my drawings - yes, I am drawing again! I try, I start …

In the edge of the world

I am running to the edge of the world. Running to a very lonely place, where there is no one to look at, no one to talk to. I am crossing the line of boredom and apathy. It matters not. Not anymore. People can't see the pain hiding behind my eyes. People can't understand my actions. It matters not. I am running to the edge of the world... alone! All alone! I am the pain of lonelines and the loneliless in pain. Who am I?! What the fuck am I?! Nothing, but ash and dust; nothing but dust and ash. I have been struggling with my feelings and with my need to write / type anything down. It took my almost one month to face the reality of the death of a friend (I cried when I got the new, I have cried in the funeral, but not I am realizing that I'll never ever see him again). It took me a lot of struggling to be able to sit down, quiet and peacefully, listening to my precious artists (or to some of them) and to finally managing to write down anything. It took me so much pain and d…

Wealthy, Luxurious, whatever...

[...]All I see are signs, all I see are Dollar signs [...] Rihanna "Pour It Up" I have "faced" a message on FetLife from a user who felt offended by my comment to his picture of his BMW car. He said that it was quite offensive to say that it's not needed to be rich or wealthy to have a car alike. It is an high maintenance car, so yes, it's needed to be wealthy or luxurious. About the other part of the message, that he does respects my (homo)sexuality but that he doesn't takes any compliments from men. I need to ask why is he on a Fetish website, with his pictures unlocked for everyone to see. He and countless other guys who are around here and keep saying that they don't want comments from men. It is quite easy to lock your pictures for your friends only to see or comment on your pictures. In fact, it's easier than on Facebook, more effective and even faster. There's surely the reason that you don't want to lose the ladies comments and …

Why would I care?

To some people, it's hard to understand others' lives. It's not their business, but they keep fussin around, trying to know what's going on, what others are doing and why. I am always affraid and ashamed at some parts of my personality: I get nasty and kinky from times to times, I "hang" around some websites that if some people could see them, would judge, criticize and speak the shit out of their mouths. Shit out your brain and leave empty your skulls: they'll be the ornamentations of my dungeons. Speak all the shit you have to speak, as you try to figure out what I am typing about, I don't care. For 20 people who judge and criticize me and my life, there's one person in my life, loving me for being who I am, exactly the way I am and those are the people who really matter. Why am I writing such entry? Maybe because I am no longer on FetLife with this same nickname (AngelAlucard) and maybe because I am wearing the nickname of porn and disgrace th…

Simple as that

Fame and Fortune, Family and Friends

I am back to The Alterium, the website for the alternative. The same goes for the fetish / BDSM oriented website where I was also at. I got them deleted, because I started thinking of the serious possibility of sudden fame & fortune. What would happen if that famous artist of any kind (me) were discovered in such places. The same thought has gone through Facebook and Twitter, but this was more because of family and some acquaintances... I did started a new Facebook account and started to change some settings on it. I have started to change the settings on Twitter, but I would be possibly still there, change settings, writing on my profiles, doing the whole demanding thing, without having the time to do whatever has pleased me the most.
Well, screw them.
About whatever I do online, not everyone needs to know the links or the reasons that led me here or there about family, they have put themselves in the position of strangers, where they have no reason or the right to an opinion abo…


I was walking down the streets, I could the see the very dark clouds in the horizon. I thought: "it seems that a thunderstorm is on the way" and in the immediate next second, the lightning ripped the sky. The rain falls outside and I'm just sitting on a barely empty Internet Indian shop. A black man types in his computer, in the other corner of the store, while the two Indian men are speaking between themselves.
The changes have started not too long ago. But there's so much needing to be changed yet. Like the thunderstorm took it time to reach the sky of the city, I'll need my own time to make and improve the necessary changes. Right now, I only have to please myself online, the way it really pleases me the most.

Maybe we'll remember

Maybe this will help you to remember where did you came from.
Maybe this will remember you where have you been in the meantime.
Maybe through the musics I am sharing with you, you'll feel my presence close to you. My spirit will travel next to yours, it'll hug you and tell you: "everything will be just OK!". Or maybe my spirit is wiser than my body and my mind and it'll stay in silence.

I do want to believe that I am growing mature in my way of dealing with people and with the world. I do want to believe that I am growing mature on my relationship with myself and with my art and with what I do like and enjoy. But it always takes time. It always takes the time of out-growing of all the fears and insecurities, of all those negative people in our lives.

Maybe this'll help us both to remember where did we came from and to where we're walking to.

Too much going on my soul... too much to be done...

Is there any kind of medicine to let go of such feelings? Is there anything out there to help me through this madness? Is there anything at all?

I just deleted that stupid third blog. It was there, doing nothing. I still need to take some time to edit all those that I have. Too many mistakes that need to be corrected. Too many things that need to be deleted.

I can't be bothered to think about everything that needs to be done now. I have so much to think about. There is just too much going on my soul...

I don't dance

I went out last night. I went out, dragged by an older and crazy woman, who keeps repeating that I am her best friend. If I really were her best friend, she wouldn't endanger my stuatin at home, by dragging me out a whole night and still trying to take me to placeswhere drug is dealed on every corner of the streets. After a whole night in discos, I left her in a cab in the middle of Lisbon and walked alone and fucked up to the closer train station to come home. I went t have a coffee at the gas station, before heading hme and finding my mother fuming like a dragon and almost threatening to beat me. If only she were able to try.
In the discos, in the middle of Cais do Sodré, I saw people dancing. Then again, I was feeling lost and not suiting on it. People dance and lose themselves to dance. People try to conquer others through the dance. When the look at me, I turn my face aside in disgust and despise. I don't care about them. I wouldn't go, like she wanted to, wth any of …

No plans, no dreams...

I was planning to do a few stuffs with the money that I have gotten from my aunt yesterday (she's actually my mum's aunt). At first, I thought about saving it to get a new phone from a different network operator, but it would take me a while to get the necessary money. Then, I thought i would send out a few letters. After that, I thought about keeping the money for as long as possible. But as you already know, I am not trustwhorty when it comes about making plans and keeping up with what I have previously planned. So I have bought a bunch of paper, four coloured pens that I'll use on my letters and I am sending away, at least one of three packages that I have left in my room and that should have been previously sent.
Now, after a crazy night with a terrible dream (that has started as a pornographic stuff), after a terrible fright in the streets, that almost caused me an heart attack, here I am, writing down, as I haven't done in a while. When I was walking down the str…

Flying high on doubts...

What's left of my sanity?!
What's left of all my madness?!
Where are my castles?! My towers and my knights?! Where's my Empire??!!
Why do I see so much smoke?! Where is the fire?!
What happened to the woods?! Why there are so many buildings?! Are they forts?!

I need to calm down my spirit. I need to let go of all this madness. I need to let go of my curses and my wounds. I need to calm my demons down. I need to stop being a paranoid asshole...  I don't know how to be, if not myself. I don't know to where I belong. I need to leave the night spirits of the city. I need to get over their spells.

Where are my familiar faces, without secrets and lies? Where are my familiar streets? Where will all this end?

And now I have no idea...

I'm just flying high!


I am feeling a little bit better today, but still not well.
I am feeling like if I could write down this world and the other one, but still won't be doing that. Not today.
While I was walking the streets of my city, I saw your car passing by. I saw the shadow of my past passing through and I have just realised how way more powerful I am compared to you. You own your car, your house, the girls / boys you want to due to your money, due to the money that you've conquered through your hard work in a foreign country. Within my soul and in my writings, I own and I possess you. Your love is mine, it doesn't matters if you truly desire anyone else.
I have been thinking about re-start writing moe than just poetry. I have been thinking about drawing / painting again and all my mistakes are the best inspiration.
If things go as planned, I will be commiting some of the old mistakes and it'll feel good... until guilt hits me so had, like before...
I am going madened and my imagina…


I am not feeling very well today. It seems that a nuclear reactor is about to explode inside my head and my throat is hurting. The wicked weather here is still mad and it turned cloudy, still too hot, what has made my back to give me the sign of pain. Since yesterday that I'm complaining about my left elbow and there have been some stuffs on the place where I am working on that have possibly contributed to this. Now, I am siting in the cyberstore, trying to get concentrated on writing it here and the yelling child has just left.
Nope, things aren't that good. plus, my teeth keep bothering me and from times to times my face flats like a balloon: sometimes it's painful, others it is just bothering, what's the case in this very moment.
i wish and crave for something else, but my baby, small and tiny steps aren't being enough. what has started not too long ago, seems to not be enough and I still need to work harder. I keep having ideas on what to do to improve all thi…

Danny Barson Photography

As you people know, from times to times, I do upload a picture or two (or ten!!!) and I do add a link to a Facebook page or to a website. From times to times, I do find out a page that I like off quite much and I do a little free advertisement here.
I won't be uploading any picture today, but I am adding the link to Danny Barson's Facebook photography page and to his website (just click on the words).
Before I do close this entry, I do want to write a few words expressing my opinion about this man's work, the responsible for the pictures of my sweet British buddy, Stuart Max, whose pictures you have possibly seen on this blog. Danny Barson does some photographs of both female and mostly male models. Different models, different backgrounds and one thing in common: a very good work quality, worthing the time spent in front of a computer, a tablet or a mobile phone watching his pictures. When it comes to females, he can make them look sweet and provocative. He enhances their …


There's this penFRIEND of mine, Erin, whom I write a blog with. This is our confessional. I have shared one or another entry of this blog on my Facebook and on my Twitter, but not anymore. This place is called "Digital Confessions" and there we write stuffs that we wouldn't write anywhere else (I should keep my mouth shut off, but Twitter and Tumblr's for Porn don't count).
I am writing a few stuffs. Not exactly artistic stuffs, but it happens that I am writing some stuffs down to paper and I have written it on our "Confessional". There are stuffs that I feel that are too risky to be writing them down here or on the other blog. There are too many stuffs that I wouldn't want to risk to have some recent people in my life reading them and discovering the way they are affecting me.
This is a very simple thing. Quite simple. Quite fast. I just wanted to write something on here... I am at my aunt's and she and my mother are in a hurry. It's al…


I am insatisfied with my life and with many things that are part of it. Even people keep me insatisfied. They appear to be some nasty hypocrites. Not all of them, for sure, but there areway many people whom I wasn't expecting such behaviours from them. Let them be.
My life is stuck on self-comiseration. I don't do, I won't go for it and fight and then I weep and complain. Sad, sadistic-masochistic and idiot. I know, I know. I am writing about the same for months, but it is much easier to stay at home, in my safe little corner, than going out and face the reality, face the possibility to get a "NO" anywhere. I need to move my idiot ass, otherwise I will have my life stuck on this forever.
The same goes for relationships. Some of the people who know me are fed up with my ideas against any kind of relationship. I don't feel like being able to get attached to someone more than in a basis of friendship... it doesn't goes any further. About sex... when it come…

Chasing questions countless times

What do I have to say? What do I want to do? The whole world is too busy living their wicked and insane lives, that they don't even have time to enjoy. They do not enjoy their favorite musics, they do not enjoy the view of the night sky in the city. What do I need to do? What are the answers to countless questions that I might have and despite that, I am unable to write them down? What do I need to do to let go of these thoughts and desires? And in the end, I think it is useless to struggle with all these questions. They'll always haunt me. And I'll be chasing the dust of an a dead day forever, if I keep chasing these answers countless times.

It rains outside

It rains and I am nothing.
I am nothing but a dream... I am nothing but a shadow that no one notices about.
It rains outside and I am just that little joint of madeness. It rains and the smoke has vanished.
It rains outside and the whole world seems to burst into tears.
I am want more. I want so much more. And the more I get, the less I feel.
I need to let go of all this madness. I need to let go of such feelings. I need to vanish away...
There's nothing left that I could get proud of. There's nothing that I have really done, something that could leave my mark there. There's nothing valuable enough... it'll all vanish... and die...
Sun shine, little lie,
the branches of the trees dancing with the wind,
the lies vanishing in the laughs of the city
and may the sin be what keeps us comforted
and may it keep us satisfied
and never, ever guilty!


I am taking some looks back. I saw one commercial in the bus stop and it made me think about the past. And the happy past tends to make me think a little bit too much. And the happy past makes me wish to disappear. "You sweared that you would be friends forever. Remember that!" was the phrase that was in that commercial. I remember about those who haven't made that promise, but that, at the time we used to be together, it seemed like if we were staying together forever.
And it hasn't been forever... and things are a bit way too different.

The Inked Boys

This is the kind of entries that I write with the purpose to advertise for a page. This page doesn't needs any advertisement: open it up and you will see why! :) I am sharing these images: I have previously written an entry to do this kind of advertisement, but I have seen some newer specimen of men in it and I think it needs to be shared somewhere else! :) I hope you enjoy the males I have choosen to share! Courtesy of The Inked Boys!

I've seen you!!!

I have seen you. I have seen you in your car. And you've seen me too.
I've seen you and I've hurried my steps. There are feelings involved. Of course that are, but I fear. I fear you. I fear your power over me. I fear all the thingsd that can come out of all this madness.
I want to let go of all this madness, but there's no place to escape to. I want to let go of all this fearing poison, but there's no place to run from you. And in the end, I want to die in your arms, by your hands... over your naked body...
I've seen you... and I am anxious about the day I'll see you again...

Things could be much better

I look around. I look at people in my life. I take a glimpse at my own life and then I decide to close my eyes, once again. My life is screwed up on so many levels, that I tend to close my eyes to it. I don't want to look anymore. And people... Oh!, some of them are seing their life getting messed up too. Not because of me, but some are counting with me... for good advises and comforting words. But there aren't comforting words when the situations have been created out of stupidity and irresponsability. Such as when it has been with me.
Saturday in the afternoon. I do want to think that I'll have a great day tomorrow. Supposedly, I am going to the beach and spend a whole day and night out. There are going to be good friends there. There is going to be a long day in the sun, embraced by nature. But still my relationship with my mother isn't the best. I know I will have another very strong argument beggining between us. And it is all due to my own stupidity. Where are t…

Alternative Lifestyles

I am still hanging around.
I'm still looking for other places where I do can find anything suitable for my thoughts. I still look through alternative websites, for alternative people. Goths, emos, punks, skinheads... people from the underworld... I'm still trying to find a place where I do suit. I'm still looking to find somewhere to get my perfect lover. That lover that'll understand my desires and that perhaps will follow me.
I am still taking glimpses at naked men in alternative websites. I'm still taking glimpses at goth boys, punk men... I look at their lifestyle. I take glimpses at their old boots. I take glimpses at their physical beauty (or the lack of it) and I still do feel like if I could get the world from them.
I'm still taking glimpses at what I get. I'm still taking glimpses at the things that I've been building around me and out of me. I'm still wanting to change some stuffs. I'm still needing to let go of my madness.
I am still…

Live, love and do not forget!

Live, love and do not forget.
Live crazy, don't look back and never regret!
Love deeply, laugh loud for your jokes and let them be!
Do not forget where did you came from, do not forget what you've been through and go further.
What they say is with them.
What you do is with you.
And who you are... it's about yourself!

Not too highed... not sobber either...

I just came from the cafe. And while walking down the avenue, I was trying to decide which name to give to this entry. I was planning things to write. It happens quite often, as it also happens often that I end up not writing anything that I've planned to.
I haven't decided what to write. I haven't decided to use this title. It happens that this is the truth.
I have had a few stuffs inside my mind in the last few days. There are stuffs that have been trapped inside my mind since the I last came to this shop to use the computer and the Internet. So many things are happening in the world and there are so many things bothering me.
We all know about the consequences of the global warming. But they are very noticeable in Portugal at this moment. beaches are way smaller than they were about 25 years ago. In Winter, the beaches disappear under the sea. Days ago, I heard on TV that Portugal will have zones under the water in a short period of time. I am terribly wounded about thi…

The last few days...

The last weeks have been a mad thing. My aunt came to my house with her cat and it happens that both cats fight each other like mads. The old screen of my computer exploded for reasons that I am not mentioned and I am glad that I've been able to avoid a bigger noise at 5 a.m., right after I have arrived home. I am feeling depressed from times to times, but it's nothing that lasts too long to create the need of getting a more agressive escape.
On Thursday night, I went to the cafe like I usually do. I stayed there until the morning of Friday. I haven't slept much. Friday night, after a long, long night, with absinthe and liquor "Beirão" (a Portuguese brand of sweet liquor), I've had a dinner at a friends' house. We've spent most of the night smoking joints, some of the which big ones. The sleepless night, added to alcohol and hashish joints made me feel like being about to drop dead. And yesterday, a few joints at the noon and another one at night mad…

Weirdness, Thoughts, Love

And you show up in the night roads with your dark car. And you're still a ghost. And you still keep it as a secret. And I still keep my mouth shut. While I breathe, you're now safe. You're safe from my words, but not from my eyes. There you are. There you go. Under the moon brilliance and the stars or through the mist of the fog. You show up. You just disappear. In the other night you've stopped your car. Then you just disappearead between the buildings, through the never ending road, as a maze that I simply know too well. You'rea ghost of my past. I am the ghost of your sexual secrets. We're both ghosts and that's why I still desire you, no matter how hard things have gone in the last years. I still believe that we're perfect for each other, although you're not a cop or a muscular dude, like those I simply like and crave as fuck-toys. I still believe that we're perfect for each other, although I am not a chick, like your friends belie…

Seduction games and toothaches

Everything is a game. Life itself is a game. A game from the which no one will come out alive. In the last days, I've had several toothaches and today my face is swollen. A big bulge showed up in my right chin and under my right eye. I feel like I am a big ballon, whose holding rope is my (very) thin body. Days are passing by. Oportunities are left to escape and then I read some quotes online that make me wonder and question. "The child you were would be proud of the person you are today?" If the child I were came to the future and saw my daily reality, would be definitell scared, shocked and sad. Perhaps, if that could happen, he, that little and innocent Bruno, wouldmake it through life. Perhaps if it were possible to get back in time and tell him that none of his dreams would become true, he would work towards it and would change all this reality. It's not possible. Time to deal with it and to face reality. I have been in the datong website where I am at. I'm…

so much to do, that it even hurts!

I have had several thoughts and ideas. I haven't writen them down or put them in practice. I do my stuffs and that's it. Seems that I don't care about stuffs anymore.
I am looking forward something and I can not discover or decipher what that little piece of something is. (Do not tell me the obvious, I know that very well).
I am using the little remaining minutes to write this. This is it. The day started well and boring with something I have had to do. I fell aslept as I have arrived home and things gone truly wrong (hours passed by without having me realizing about them). It's getting dark outside and it seems that the longer days are having their effect. Spring will be her soon. I see the flowers showing up here and there. The Spring birds are flying the skies, with their dance. I see it all developing, while my metamorphosis is not coming. I am sadened.
I have walked the streets of Lisbon yesterday. The city sadens me. Beautiful ol builings falling apart. Beautifu…

Something different

Call me idiot!
Call me... something.
Just call me something. It means that I am alive and causing a reaction.
I don't care. I really don't care anymore. What's been left... it shall remain there.
Strange days after sleepless nights cause strange reactions.
There are times that I hope things get well. Things do seem to be in the right path to get well. Things seem to be in the right path to be OK and here comes something... another sinful thought. Another sinful and suicidal act.
The streets of the city know me too well. I need to get a new city to rule. I need to get new streets to walk through. People... I need to get out of here, where I do enjoy a certain fame. Fame is somehow my security and this security is uncomfortable. I fear. I do fear from times to times and it is not the kind of fear that I have tasted a few years agos, before start walking the night streets, before knowing most of the dark shadows sitting or smoking at every dark corner.
Flying rolling papers.…

feelings I don't want to taste again: love!

A little forgetting note

I just fell down, in a small stairway aside to the builing where my aunt lives at. My knee and my wrist are hurting. My hand is bothering me too. It's OK, just a little wound.
People are asking if everything's OK with me. I am too quiet, they say. I am OK, I just feel a bit sad with no reason, but I am fine. Or I think I am fine.
I have ideas for that secret blog of mine, but I still haven't writen any down. Friends and their jokes... how sweet is revenge in the secret of my words. But still, it's just ideas.
I am OK. I am not. What's wrong? I have no idea.
In the last couple nights, fog hitted the city. Cars pass by and once again it seems that there's another stalker driving in the streets of the city. When the same car passes around the place where you're at, can it still be considered paranoia? If so, after some recent events, call me paranoid then. I don't mind and I'm used to it.
I am wondering and wandering. I wander around, getting highed, w…

I don't understand

I don't understand... I don't understand why do I get this obsessed.
I get obsessed with people. I get obsessed with situations. I get obsessed with words. And still I don't understand my obsessions! I still don't understand why do I choose such feelings. It is strange that I let myself go through this, yet I wouldn't like to feel anything else.
I don't understand my being. I don't understand my soul. Yet I wouldn't like any other one different, I don't understand what bursts within my soul and I wander. I wander around, in night walks through the streets, I wander through people, I wander through dreams, fantasies and obsessions. I cry. But my tears are dry. I scream. But my voice is silent. Years pass by and I get older. Older but not wiser.
I don't understand this love o' mine for the voices I love, for the dangers I hug and embrace, for the eyes I choose to look at.
I don't understand myself and yet I wouldn't like to be any dif…

A moment for my own

I'd love to be able to explain what's burning within my soul today. I'd love to go further in the questions of my soul, but I have typed an entryin the other blog. It happens that one poem from my favorite poetess appeared in my mind (soul?) in the shape of a Fado. It happens that this poem speaks about verses writen for a love, that the love must rip them off and to forget about them. It happens that my love has too may poems directed t him, although he doesn't really knows about it. It happens that he appears from times to times and it seems that despite we don't really talk, he answers to my mental "callings". He appears and my core starts bursting. He appears and he reminds me why have I grown up this way and why I've chosen such path. I regret nothing. I may suffer, but the more it hurts, the stronger I am: a wounded tiger is always more dangerous. It happens that the rain falls outside and inside of my soul it's all dark: I have no good fee…

Thinking of you again

It bites! In one of these lonely nights while I was writing a few poems, you came across my mind again - I've promised myself that I've left you go, that I wouldn't be writing to you again, about you ever again! After this long morning and a night with a very short sleep, here I am at my aunt's house, listening to this song - somehow it reminds of you, although we've never been from each other! You're just a dream of mine, someone that I think that has been more present in my life than I could ever judge: before our conversations online with a web camera turned on and naked bodies, I believe that I have seen you in a train headed to the North of the country. One of my older paintings makes me think and believe that it's you. I've seen you two or more times in that train, when I was a regular costumer of the Northern line. I have promised that I wouldn't leave you to disturb or annoy me ever again: your car has passed by me in one of these nights. I…

Fuck it!

Futuristic cities of my dreams

Somehow, this song makes me imagine a futuristic world, with flying cars, spaceships, spacetrips. Perhaps due to the sound itself, and not that much about the lyrics, since the lyrics speak about love and difference.


A bit before the dinner, I was about typing one entry. One entry about this and that... the kind of chitchat you make with people who don't know from nowhere, but that start speaking to you in the train or in the bus stations, in the cafe or in the supermarkets.
Christmas and the whole set of celebrations with the New Year are finally over. These days have been annoying me pretty much. I have been smoking quite a lot, because of the lack of mental peace. My mind never stops working, nit even when I am almost fainting after I have smoked a few joints. When I am too highed to even understand what people are saying to me, even then I am always thinking.
Since I was a very young child that I have always had this "tendence" of over-thinking. I remember of being a 3 or 4 years old child, walking the yard of the kindergarten where I was and thinking. When it was raining and we was inside, I was in my corner drawing, although I have always had the guts of interactong with other…

A disturbed man

When my voice stops speaking,
When my heart stops beating,
When my soul stops feeling
And my hands stop writing, painting and working,
When my body is thrown and abandoned in the coffin,
When the ashes of sorrow and regret are traveling the world,
When this disturbia-paranoia is shut and locked in the personal hell,
When suicide is a prayer,
When it hurts... and hurts no longer
The voice of madness, the song of despair.
One disturbed soul shut and shot,
One glass of disturbed ashes down the throat of the liars.

It goes and flows.
Imperfect words.
Imperfect steps.
You know me, dearest, and I have draw you:
The image of that man in the train,
Your image, naked in front of me
Through the technology of days:
Both of you, a single one,
A single portrait.

Now the silence:
The broken glass rips the fragile skin
And the dark and bitter blood flows free.
In my dreams, you and I are hanging in the tree,
I am your lover, your perfect lover,
I am your kiss of despair,
And you're always the f…

New Year is here

Happy 2014, everyone! I tend not to celebrate Christmas, New Years and all the celebrations. Parties and celebrations have their somewhat of sad for me. I seem a joyful person, but when it comes to certain... erm, "things", like parties, celebrations... I am not that happy. But I got to wish you all a very happy New Year of 2014!
I have spent the last hour of 2013 listening to this amazing woman singing. Amália Rodrigues, the Portuguese fadista (fado singer), an amazing singer, an extraordinary human being and someone I miss to hear about in the tv and in the news. Someone who makes me feel terribly proud of being Portuguese, despite all the bad things that are related to Portugal at this moment!
I don't have much more to say... not now... not tonight...
Happy New Year!