Monday, March 26, 2012

I want...

I wanna know what to write down, right now!! I have had a little idea of what I wanted to write, bt now I just got a stupid block...

Anyways, last night, I took the time to arrive early at home! I just gone to watch a bit of TV, while I thought about writing down some things (I don't type most of my writings, I hand write them first) and it started some kind of dark opera there, called "Repo!". It reminded me old dark times, my goth times. I friend of mine kept saying she wants to be a goth again. We never really stop being goths, if we're goths from our deepest within! It's something that's part of our roots, part of our deepest side! We need to have something waking it up, from times to times! I am no longer wearing full goth clothes, I keep using some colourful clothes, I use some large pants and my aunt said she prefers to see me in some jeans, instead looking like a ballon, as she said! Well, I want to look like this balloon, as I am way too skinny!

I keep dreaming of other times! I keep dreaming of you! You, the dude I have loved! The only one I have ever loved! And the one who seems to be sacring me of death, nowadays! I see dark BMW's like yours one, with dark glasses passing by! For two times, at least, a car like that stop and start going back, as I passed! I wasn't sure if it were you, but now I have had the care to check some details that might save me from the wrong judge! I keep dreaming that most of the shits in my life hasn't really happened! Others, I dream you know all the truth about me again and u want me the way I really am... Dreams!! It's just dreams!!

Unfortunatelly, my time here is running dry. People kept stealing my precious time with their chats! Only one or two, like Erin or Vartan Screamo (Soraia) were worthwhile to talk to! The other of them, will make me "climb" the hills of this shitty city and I am going to smoke a strong joint!! I need that to keep my mind foccused on anything, but the crap around me...

I need to find other ways to "entertain" myself... Maybe a man, if I fight and gain the battle with my own mind!

Maybe anything... MAybe nothing will ever entertain me ever again... Who knows?

I don't! And I don't really care, anymore!!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Things Haven't Changed... Yet

Things haven't changed the way I wanted them to change... but like I have typed in the title, they haven't changed yet!! I have been delivering some curriculum (resumes, like i've been warned, by an american boy) and I haven't putted my arms down and gave up... but once again, that's yet!!

I find myself reading old letters, especially the ones of my beloved Elizabeth V., I keep seing the magazines, pages of magazines, words she wrote to me and I keep imagining this wonderful woman in the kiosk, daydreaming of fairies, dragons, of feminine boys. I also imagine her fantasizing on those feminine boys' butts and in many ways to spank and abbuse of them!! I feel tempted to write her, but... there's always a but in any story, but things haven't changed yet!! I am owing lots of letters, I am penniless, due to almost three years of unemployment and things are shit... people are shit!! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!

First letter I'll have to write (no, not re-write, because my letter to her is written mentally, not in the paper, getting dust in the shelf for two years, by now!) is to my beloved Greek Goddess!! I need her back to my mail box, I need her words, always so filled with reason, I need her imaginary face slap (or butt slap, the way you prefer, my love)!!

There are so many other things I need to do, that I need to change, to improve, but... oh, well, seems the time isn't there yet!! Whenever the time comes, I'll be there doing those changes!!