Tuesday, July 31, 2012

People returning... and people acting up...


Seems that today is another crazy day! I am almost guessing that not even on my grand dad's house (miss you, grandpa! R.I.P.) I will loose the insanity in my life! I am not going to have any regular vacations! Crazy things keep happening! 

There are people returning... they're not returning from the dead, but it is almost a way of seing it! People whom I knew they were around, but they simply wasn't coming around here! There are people who know are acting up, like nothing has ever happened. It feels way good, somehow... Those who "return from the dead", keep looking at me, although their look is more direct now. You still look at me, you almost don't hide it! You are the one leaving the place, when I am around! I do still feel bothered, but I won't be let you bring me down, I won't allow you the simply right to move a finger! In Sofy's car, sat at her seat, with the legs outside the car, I have seen you through the smoke of the joint! I have seen you entering and leaving the café, carrying stuffs, by helping Turtles! 

About the one who acts up, like nothing has ever happened. It has been a simply phone call and I did noticed the uncomfort in his voice, but it is OK! Things are way better this way, although you would be the last person I was ever wanting to share a secret with! But it is just fine! One more secret... One secret less... who cares?

I am just praying that August (or my vacations up there, in the North of the country!) are the less crazy as possible! I don't really need more insanity for the rest of the year... Or maybe even for the rest of my life!

Monday, July 30, 2012

The Stolen Car

So back to the weekend! Back to the man in my bed! Back to the lost purse of my friend! Alongside with this purse, he has lost his car keys, money, documents. My friend S. called me right after the lunch and I was thinking she was calling me for a coffee, but then she hitted me with such a bomb: his car has been stolen during the night! Plus, she also said the he reported the stealing to the cops (what's just natural!) and I heard that it would be way better that we all from that night went to the police station to give our names out! He mistrusts two women who was with us all night long. Mother and daughter, who works as escorts, that went with us to the disco and who just pestered people all night long! Such as S. said, we went out, trusting people around us and the day we take any outsiders with us, there's something like that happening!

I wanted to vent this out! I have to confess that I am a bit hungover yet and I am not planning on going to the café now. I want to go there at night and I want to see how things are around there and I will give my whole support to my friend. I just do hope that things do not go wrong for any of us!

And the women that my friend mistrusts at the moment, also annoyed him. She bothered, pestered him, accused him of touching. This silly old woman... Such as S. said, I believe that she and her "fine daughter", in all their holliness, asked to those "niggaz", those friends of their to steall his car! This is not a matter of racism, it's a matter of reality here! 


So I am guessing quite much shit coming around!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

When I think that nothing can surprise me anymore...




... or when I think that no one will ever surprise me again, here comes a dude to makes that just an old chimera. There's someone who always makes something that turns my world and my beliefs upside down. I make the mistake and I am now wanting to simply run away from it. But it was such a pleasant mistake... But still a mistake!! Something that was never supposed to happen.

I usedf to be almost a momnth without going out. Sometimes, I used to spend way more time inside the house, than in the outside... at the moment, I spend most of nights out, I arrive home at lunch time or even later!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Dancing With The Soul



OK, so I really need to decide what I do really want to do! I do really need to decide on how I do want to work with my blogs.

Dancing with my soul... I wrote in one of my other blogs, but I deleted such entry right away. There were stuffs there that were way too personal - I will keep them for my diary. There's nothing way too personal that I can not write in my diaries. But in the other hand, there is something way too personal, that I almost do not admit it to myself. But what happnened the last night is not one of them... Part of my amnesia is not something I would like to hide...

My eyes are set on the gorgeous Indian man of the store. I imegine stuffs... I have ideas... But they end up being only ideas and fantasies... Things that I possibly will write in a short porn / eros. Time to leave... Time to go. One hour = €1. I still have other stuffs to do out there. I still have a walk to give, although I might not walk so far as I was thinking.

Incense sticks are burning in the store. A nice smell in the air, going down my lungs. Time to leave. Good afternoon.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Days... Thoughts...



No pressure... yet! No hurry... yet! Been listening to music, checking Facebook and now am here, writing this. I had something to say, that had nothing to do with sea, sunset, Summer, etc., but this means nothing. Lately, I think on what I do want to write on my blogs, on what I would like to share with people, but I end up writing something completing different of what I first planned! Same is going on today...

No beach for me today. Went to lunch with a friend, her daughter and a friend of ours. In the Brazilian restaurant, I just noticed one of the waiters. A very handsome, muscular waiter. Then we went shopping with her. We hanged around. We came up to our city. We smoked one. I just feed the kitten and here I am!!

I decided to share something. And that something just gone away. I decided to show a different thing. I decided to change. It's hard, but to decide is just a tiny step. It's far from being the change itself, but it's an idea. Not even an action, but an idea!

I Need more Summer. I need more sea. I need more sun. I need more heat. I do need things that I possibly will never ever achieve. That's part of life. That's a part of life's cycle and I can't just keep complaining and groaning and moaning all the time about it. Just moving on and to work to fix or improve the changes that need to be done, if they can be done at all. If not, movving and get a new one.

Outside, life's awaiting me. In a few minutes, off I go to the streets. Right now, I satill have 5 minutes to enjoy here! In a few days, I'll be far enough from a computer and will be way too long without typing here, so let me enjoy!

Monday, July 23, 2012

A New Tenant In The House And A Day Of Beach

Yesterday in the afternoon, after my mom arrive from the beach and from her friend's daughter house, she brought a very dark, furry spot in her right arm. It was a kitty, with a few days of life, that someone abandoned. My mum's friend insisted so much, said that she would pay the vet to the kitty and all those stuffs, what convinced my mum. Our older cat died last Summer, and he the only one we had since the younger one died. Both Cats died without being seen by a vet. The reason was, my mum's money is not enough for all the stuffs required: pay the house, the bills, animals food and the whole bunch to be paid off. And the fact that I am not working doesn't helps, but still the kitty is now in my kitchen, I just gave him his milk and came off to write a bit, to brag a bit, to check facebook and the ordinary errands that Internet demands.

I just arrived from the beach. Spent the whole morning and the greatest part of the afternoon there. I have a little sun burnt in my back and in my feet, but I am feeling happy, although way too soft. Hash in the beach is so great, especially if you're smoking it with friends! Hot guys walking aroung, when you're high are juicy either... They are great eye candies. They are great ways to wake up our senses. Playing with our friend's kids in the beach is also a great therapy. I just lacked the most important part: something sweet, such as

So now, I am anxious, looking forward this guy's texting. I told him a secret of mine. He replied me in the same hand. He messaged me online, saying he would love to talk to me and although I have sent him three texts already, the textings are pending. I will just let it go. I will just let see what life will bring me.

And before requesting this half an hour of Internet, I thought about getting a new account on "tribalwars" strategy game, but then again I think that it would be useless, if I can not play it, if I can not give it full attention, what means I will have to wait.

A new tenant awaits for me in the house. I wasn't counting with such a sweet boy, but there he is, this black cat, lying in my kitchen, that has just been feeded. Sooner or later, I will have to share a picture of Simba (the kitten's name). It's hard not to fall in love with such a small and helpsless little creature. That depends on you to eat. There are other things that I want to do, but they're things of my own and while I am not working on them, I'd rather not tak/write about them.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Shh


Late at night in the street. Silence. Cars in the road.

You used to made me think you was following me.I used to think you was wanting to scare me. I used to believe that. I barely see you nowadays... Not even to your car! But I did found out a new car, very look alike with yours, but this new guy is the one who works in my street. This guy, is the one who now goes to the café, even if it's only to take the hormones' injection due to the gym. This guy is the one whose car I see more times than I would really like, is the guy who looks at me, making me feel uncomfortable with his presence. This guy gives me the feeling of something that's not good at all, about to happen. This guy... This guy... Just let it rolls and we'll see where it goes. We'll see where and how it'll ends!!


In the end of the day, I still hang out the streets. Fortunatelly, I think I have a very good friend who I can count on, if anything goes outta control, if someone decides to try "the joke".

Lately, all of my €0,50 are for half of hours of Internet. I used to pay for one hour and then I used to go mentally "dry", trying to find out what else to do and getting bored. Blogging is enough... For now!!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Cleaning up the shit


And it has so much that can be said. €0,50, half an hour of internet. It's enough. those €0,50 has been spent with the single purpose of blogging (maybe in the three ones I am rulling at the moment) and checking Facebook and Twitter. €0,50 to balab about so much and nothing at the same time.

But let's start from the beggining. For some people, to know that I go way too high this last Saturday night it might not be a surprise. In fact, the surprise would be if I have kept myself sobber during the weekend. But even when getting high, stuffs pop out in my life. I find out that some people who are smiling at me, in certain situations, got the access to some secrets of mine. They comment on my life, in my back, but they keep smiling. It could be worse, if I couldn't read in their eyes. Still, it was a shock for me that they have found that secret out. There's only one person who could have spoken about that, who could have extended her stupid tongue full of shit. But this time, it will be me who'll be lying, who'll be smiling, while my eyes, possibly will be telling a different story.

It has a been a morning in the beach. 36ºC in here today. Spent the morning with the person who seems to be the only one who I can trust on, and her daughter. Played in the sand and in the sea with the young girl. Laid to get a bit of solar light in my white skin, hoping to get a bit darker skinned. I do think on this morning... I do see how life is continuosly running, how cycles keep passing: we have been children. We are adult people now. Sófy, for example, has two kids, what means that she is a mother. We'll get older. In less than one month, it'll be my 25th birthday. And I still think and feel, almost as if I was 10. Sometimes, I feel like I was 100.

Bipolarity... Undiagnosed bipolarity. To smile and to keep serious. To laugh and to cry. To tell the truth and to lie. To live and to die. I know. I know. Some of these terms, if any at all, aren't related with bipolarity, but still is a very good example to use. This is my space, anyways. And it's only what I write that matters, in the end.


What I write. From what I write, people have the idea that I am a very sad guy. From the way I do behave in my daily life, people take the idea I am just a clown. Who is Bruno, in fact? Who is the real Bruno? The weeping boy of the poetries and the blogs? Or the joyful little clown, that makes people laugh all around him? Perhaps, I am both of them! Perhaps, I am none of them! I'll play lies and tricks, for some people now. There are very few who deserve that I behave like my own self. But they'll get that part of me. About the others... Well, screw them! They're a waste of time, but I will be hypocrite about them, as they have been about me. And the best part, I know who they are!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

A Quick Entry

So my time, like lately, is running away, like sand dripping between my fingers. I do really need to get up and go home. I do need to walk down the night streets to arrive home, with the fear of thugs in the night. I do need to do so many things, but seems that I am too lazy to move, to do anything for my life. Anything truly useful, worthy and important for my life. I read a blog entry that made me realise some mistakes and still, sat here, instead getting up and just leave.

A strong knock on my friend's door. I jumped in the chair. The night is hot and I hear them crawling in the walls. I hear them calling my name. Can't you hear the streets? Can't you hear the night beings?

After a week partying, I decided not to party tonight. Staying "real". Staying foccused in me, in my thoughts, in my ideas. I do need to get foccused, but then againb, there's always something pulling me away...

The night is so hot... The night calls for me... And it's time to leave...

Goodight!

Thursday, July 05, 2012

Useless Ideas

Everytime I decide to pay one hour or even half an hour in here, I always think on what and how much I do want to write. I settle some ideas for what to write, what to debate, what to say... And it ends up for not being anything of that special. It ends up being way different of what I have "dreamed" and planned... Anyways, I am always here, even when I do realise that there are only a few minutes left

Facebooki and Twitter have done their magic for today, so here I am, trying to write anything. Here I am, consuming my energy with things that will never ever lead me anywhere and if they do, they'll do that by accident.

I go deeper, further in my ideas and thoughts. They are not usable. I check facebook again and then I head here again... If I could be able to change the stuffs in the immediate day, I would be terribly pleased. But things aren't that simpkle and so I keep dreaming of evrything and of nothing. I keep seing my dreams as real things, as real people, as real situations... My dreams, my inspirations... They turn to be real inside my mind. I dream and when I wake up, I de realise of how disapointing waking up is! Real world could never compete with my fantastic inner world...

Yesterday, I have been in the beach. Enjoyed a real nice morning of beach and the awesome company of my friend Sofy and met her daughter. It's been a nice morning. Hash in the beach is also a great thing. Gettinmg high has been my support in so many times and situations. Been sobber for a while, but here I am, back to getting high. It's ok if I smoke... But it's ok either if I don't taste it for days. The feeling of being high is just better. Even if only for a few hours.

My ideas... Perhpas they'll die within me... perhaps I wake up someday, in the middle of something terrible, something worse than what happened almost two years ago (already? how time flies!!) and then I start scrapping stuffs within me. Days ago, I have listened to some old Cd's an ex-friend of a friend burned me years ago, with anime songs and some of my old ideas appeared... Who knows?? perhaps I should search in different places for different ideas...

I wrote some short gay porns... They're dying in my USB pen drive and possibly they'll be deleted. Maybe not. I just am not brave enough to assume those words as my own. And the boy by my side in this cyber store is giving me a kinky idea, due to the way he checks around, if someone is spying him... Will I write another one, inspired by him?? Cause he definitelly looks like a thug and thugs have inspired me "HARD" to write the porns...

Useless... Useless ideas...

Time to go... Good afternoon!!