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Showing posts from November, 2008

Missing

I'm back home... Despite my mother and my aunt are here in the livng room, I still feel alone... I see them like shadows... I feel them like ghosts in the same place than I am now... I am with one music from Karunesh playing on youtube, which is named of gothic and it has some arabic sounds, but it's a new age kinda music, but such a relaxing one. I feel like the music is invading every kind of flesh, every vein, every muscle and I wish to move my body through the night... There's something missing in me since I am born, but I've never found out what. These kinda songs, makes me wanna dance with it's rythm, dance with the moonlight entering through the fragil glass of the window, make me wish to take all my clothes off and dnce with the wind... I feel the city calling for me and I wish I could reply to it's appeal, but it's completely impossible now... My body is too tired to do any of these things. I wanna go to my bed and lay down on it, for the very firs…

NO LONGER...

Originality no longer pleases me... Being yourself no longer makes me love you in a different way... Boozing no longer helps the feeling of emptiness... Getting highed no longer makes me forget of my problems... Emptiness no longer hurts me... No longer will be there for me the angels landed for salvation.

No longer seems the best "description" for what things are and used to be! No longer...

Wondering

Sometimes, like right now, I wonder why do I write on those blogs, when nobody will ever see ot. Nobody will ever read my words, nobody will ever try to understand them, nobody will ever stop for a while to read. I also wonder why do I "fight" so much in a job, when the best they are, they don't pay me what they're owing me. I wonder...

I just came from the caffe I've been at with some of my friends till a few minutes ago and I felt like I was going to fall in the ground I felt too sick, too dizy, with my body boiling. I laid in my friend's legs, with the eyes closed, like I was dead. In my mp3, Amália Rodrigues was singing a song called "Canzone Per Te", an Italian song she used to love and she sings it very well. I am missing something... I am in the middle of a confusing status, like feeling sad an happy at the same time and that's really freaking me out. I was feeling like I was dying but despite it make me feel scared, that brought me too mu…