Whatever I could have wanted to say or to, is officially dead. Inside of me, the myst of darkness comes softly. So softly, that it hits so hard andno one ever seems able to understand or to recognize me. It's ok. I'll be ok.
The myst of darkness comes with sunny days, grey days, sunny days that turn into grey days. The thunderstorm is promised for a while now, but nothing until now. Maybe today. Maybe tonight.
She speaks and speaks and she seems to doesn't understand I do not care. Stay away. Go meet your friends - maybe they're working this afternoon? They seem to be putting aside. That's ok, the task to move along is easier for me.
I look away and my mond drifts from one issue to another. They come by, they show some support and bring me some "future and hypotetical food". Junk food has never ever been good to anyone, but even the best ones can be kinda "junky" from times to times.
I feel trapped in a huge trap - Universe itself playing it's usual games?! Any God or Goddess creating new stories on His / Her novel?! Tracing new lines on His / Her mad sketches? Who knows?!
Sunny days are bringing me the darkest desires of Winter nights. Winter nights brougt me the desires of long Summer nights.
I am feeling lost... I'm feeling so lost, that it's hard for me to recognize the face in the mirror. And this brutal truth, is leading me onto and through brutal & living Hell. Keep goin', mad soul, Hell's not endless.
Sunday, April 05, 2015
Another Birth, by the Persian poet and film maker, Forough Farrokhzad.
My whole being is a dark chant
which will carry you
to the dawn of eternal growths and blossoming
in this chant I sighed you sighed
in this chant
I grafted you to the tree to the water to the fire.
Life is perhaps
a long street through which a woman holding
a basket passes every day
Life is perhaps
a rope with which a man hangs himself from a branch
life is perhaps a child returning home from school.
Life is perhaps lighting up a cigarette
in the narcotic repose between two love-makings
or the absent gaze of a passerby
who takes off his hat to another passerby
with a meaningless smile and a good morning .
Life is perhaps that enclosed moment
when my gaze destroys itself in the pupil of your eyes
and it is in the feeling
which I will put into the Moon's impression
and the Night's perception.
In a room as big as loneliness
which is as big as love
looks at the simple pretexts of its happiness
at the beautiful decay of flowers in the vase
at the sapling you planted in our garden
and the song of canaries
which sing to the size of a window.
this is my lot
this is my lot
my lot is
a sky which is taken away at the drop of a curtain
my lot is going down a flight of disused stairs
a regain something amid putrefaction and nostalgia
my lot is a sad promenade in the garden of memories
and dying in the grief of a voice which tells me
I will plant my hands in the garden
I will grow I know I know I know
and swallows will lay eggs
in the hollow of my ink-stained hands.
I shall wear
a pair of twin cherries as ear-rings
and I shall put dahlia petals on my finger-nails
there is an alley
where the boys who were in love with me
still loiter with the same unkempt hair
thin necks and bony legs
and think of the innocent smiles of a little girl
who was blown away by the wind one night.
There is an alley
which my heart has stolen
from the streets of my childhood.
The journey of a form along the line of time
inseminating the line of time with the form
a form conscious of an image
coming back from a feast in a mirror
And it is in this way
that someone dies
and someone lives on.
No fisherman shall ever find a pearl in a small brook
which empties into a pool.
I know a sad little fairy
who lives in an ocean
and ever so softly
plays her heart into a magic flute
a sad little fairy
who dies with one kiss each night
and is reborn with one kiss each dawn.