Thursday, March 28, 2013

What lies in the past... the past should stay! We should let it go and move on!

Things should be in the past! What belongs to the past, in the past shall remain! We should raise our heads and our glasses and move on! I should be in the beach right now, with my naked feet in the sand, walking seaside. I should be fighting for my future, trying to improve it. But I live with constant past "regressions". Seems like if I wasn't able to move on, from all those past stuffs / people / situations/ places / events.

There's nothing much more that can be said. Unless that I will try, without giving up! I will try... I will...

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Friends with strange desires/atitudes

Who knows me (but who really does), knows that I am gay. My friends are no exception, of knowing my sexuality. And so, people do hang around with me, accepting (or not) and respecting my lifestyle and my sexuality.

Also, who knows me well, knows that I smoke hash / weed. I do smoke it with friends; it can work as a social "tool"! In one of those 2012 nights out, with a certain friend of mine (who's also the ex, of a girl I know for years), we were smoking some hash and we went to the top of his building, where no one would get us smoking or using his laptop, for a football managing game he was playing. In the middle of the conversation we were having, he asked me: "how long have it been since you've fucked for the last time?". I told him that I haven't done that for a while (it was true at the time), but I was just wanting to chill out, to calm my mind down and then I would re-start thinking on going back to that. While he asked me that and while I replied, I also noticed that he was scratching his dick.

Today, I have met a group of three friends and there he was. He grabbed my ass. And that night, after so long, came across my mind.

He's not the only one having that kind of atitudes with me. I don't feel offended. I don't feel comfortable either. The last one tempting me, ended up with his big dick inside my mouth the whole morning and he always said he was straight. I think that nothing will pop out from here. I think that many of those dudes are simply kidding, but if the chance pops out, in a secret, I'll go for it. I'll make them faint of pleasure and beg for more. Eheheh!! Just kidding! I won't do this with another friend ever again (I hope; I've learned to never say never). I don't want to do this with a friend anymore, because the feeling in the end, is weird and the friendship may be lost, as many dudes can not deal with it, after the thing is done. If I were a chick, things would be OK. And I understand them! I really do!

Glimpses of the past

and when that past comes to people, I gotta say that some of those who seemed to have a promising future, are now those I look at and I think: "how could this guy have been a hot dude in our teenaging?". This actually happened earlier in this morning.

Passing in old streets of another city, where the bus has driven me. I haven't grown up there, I don't have a past with that city. But those old buildings always remind me of old places in Lisbon and in some hoods surrounding it. Like when I used to visit some old uncles in Santo Amaro, with my mother. Like when I was so innocent, that I did never imagined that life could be so harsh.

I am taking glimpses of the past in many ways and for many reasons. If I could turn back time... But what for? Possibly, I wouldn't make anything any different! Possibly, I would do all the same exact bullshit, with the same exact shitty people. Maybe not. Th fact is that with all my mistakes, I have grown out of my soul. Sadness and melancholy still afect me. Darkness is still a part of my own existance and my own being, but I also tnd to see the brightest side of things / life /situation.

Taking glimpses of the past, just to remind myself where I did came from. Where do I go from here, it only depends of me, but it is conveniewnt to never forget where I did came from. That's the most important, alongside working to improve all the changes that I want done.

Taking glimpses of the past, while the past is still allowed to me!

Thursday, March 21, 2013


I have paid for half an hour of Internet! Just went to my newest social network,, posted this same image. Started browsing the messages of my blogs, aswell as I have browsed Alucard's images on Google and just found this one. Back to the time I have seen "Hellsing" and have found out this amazing vampire. Back to the time that Angel was nothing else, but a voice within my mind, when my friend Lu first told me to try to write, as an escape. I used to paint, at that time, but nowadays, I am not even writing. I have some basic writings in old notebooks, but still don't manage to put them to the screen and to develop them!

I have been browsing way too many things, not only those two or three images of Alucard! But still it's the time for me to browse what I do really want to do with my life. More than ever before, those decisions are needed and quickly. I am almost turning 26 and I haven't achieved much in life. In fact, it's time to leave at this moment...

The time on the internet have finished in th other day. Fortunatelly, I always am carefulk enough to tap the button of leaving my session open, to cancel it and the have saved this text as a sketch. The images I was wanting to share, weren't in the computer anymore, so I have had to google for them today. Then again, not all of the same images that I have wanted to share, but these ones suit it quite well!

Monday, March 18, 2013

Older boys or younger men

it always depends on people's mentality. There are two dudes living in the street of the café where I go daily. They're aged about 19 or 20 years. One of them is very handsome, while the other one has an average beauty, although he has a nice body. How do I know about his body? Well, I once saw him shirtless in Winter, taking the trash to the bin in the end of the street. Now, there's a third dude added to that group. Two brothers and a friend, who once was staring at my coimputert, while I typed an entry here and tried to see some gay porn images. I don't know those dudes. They're not even acquaintances. I know them from seing them passing by. I know them, because their manly-like-beauty isn't something I would let escape. In fact, despite I usually dislike younger men, I would open an exception for those two brothers. Their friend could join in, if it pleased him. I would "take care" of the three of them.

Now, there's a younger dude. Darker skin, pretty young, possibly the same age as the previously mentioned dudes. And now that's a dilemma. I have gotten that dude looking at me several times. And although younger dudes aren't my cup of tea (like I previously mentioned either!), he leaves me curious. And as he leaves me curious, with a little opportunity I would go for him. Just to tease. Just to try.

There's another darker skinned dude (none of those "dark skin dudes" are black! and it would be OK, if they were: it's just my ass and my dick!), not that young, possibly my age, who I have seen several times in different public WC's. I've seen him in inside of those WC's or just leaving, when I was going inside one of them. And since we all know that public men WC's aren't just for the physical needs, I imagine what can be done with that dude.

There are way too many thinkable materials lately, but very few action left done! I need more, as my hormones are getting an incredible high need of "food"! And I'll explode soon... and more mistakes aren't allowed!!

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Travelling / Sad Day

Am I the only one travelling this world, withouth leaving my little safe corner? Am I the only one knowing the desire and the lust? Am I the only one who have tried them all, who have gone throught the danger, who took the closest step to the death, but that still keeps dreaming of a brand new day, without caring for all the judges / prejudices??

I am travelling, right now, reight here, sitted in my chair of this cyber store! I am far, far away, in a place of an amazing beauty. The big temple calls me, as the two big waterfalls at it's side keep dropping their waters. The huge tress all around seem untouchable, as the wind barely blows. Someone yells inside the temple and my mouth keeps shut, as I do know the secret lying right inside. Alladin's lamp and it's genius could be on my possession, as I dropped it, in a purpose to the huge river, so no great genius would be trapped inside ever again.

The night falls! I open the temple's door and I walk inside! The night falls and lust turns way more violent, for my own delight. Elias stares me in the eyes and nothing else matters, as he keeps telling me all then stories he hopes to see shared one day.