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Showing posts from March, 2013

What lies in the past... the past should stay! We should let it go and move on!
Things should be in the past! What belongs to the past, in the past shall remain! We should raise our heads and our glasses and move on! I should be in the beach right now, with my naked feet in the sand, walking seaside. I should be fighting for my future, trying to improve it. But I live with constant past "regressions". Seems like if I wasn't able to move on, from all those past stuffs / people / situations/ places / events.
There's nothing much more that can be said. Unless that I will try, without giving up! I will try... I will...

Friends with strange desires/atitudes

Who knows me (but who really does), knows that I am gay. My friends are no exception, of knowing my sexuality. And so, people do hang around with me, accepting (or not) and respecting my lifestyle and my sexuality.

Also, who knows me well, knows that I smoke hash / weed. I do smoke it with friends; it can work as a social "tool"! In one of those 2012 nights out, with a certain friend of mine (who's also the ex, of a girl I know for years), we were smoking some hash and we went to the top of his building, where no one would get us smoking or using his laptop, for a football managing game he was playing. In the middle of the conversation we were having, he asked me: "how long have it been since you've fucked for the last time?". I told him that I haven't done that for a while (it was true at the time), but I was just wanting to chill out, to calm my mind down and then I would re-start thinking on going back to that. While he asked me that and while I repli…

Glimpses of the past

and when that past comes to people, I gotta say that some of those who seemed to have a promising future, are now those I look at and I think: "how could this guy have been a hot dude in our teenaging?". This actually happened earlier in this morning.

Passing in old streets of another city, where the bus has driven me. I haven't grown up there, I don't have a past with that city. But those old buildings always remind me of old places in Lisbon and in some hoods surrounding it. Like when I used to visit some old uncles in Santo Amaro, with my mother. Like when I was so innocent, that I did never imagined that life could be so harsh.

I am taking glimpses of the past in many ways and for many reasons. If I could turn back time... But what for? Possibly, I wouldn't make anything any different! Possibly, I would do all the same exact bullshit, with the same exact shitty people. Maybe not. Th fact is that with all my mistakes, I have grown out of my soul. Sadness and mel…


I have paid for half an hour of Internet! Just went to my newest social network,, posted this same image. Started browsing the messages of my blogs, aswell as I have browsed Alucard's images on Google and just found this one. Back to the time I have seen "Hellsing" and have found out this amazing vampire. Back to the time that Angel was nothing else, but a voice within my mind, when my friend Lu first told me to try to write, as an escape. I used to paint, at that time, but nowadays, I am not even writing. I have some basic writings in old notebooks, but still don't manage to put them to the screen and to develop them!

I have been browsing way too many things, not only those two or three images of Alucard! But still it's the time for me to browse what I do really want to do with my life. More than ever before, those decisions are needed and quickly. I am almost turning 26 and I haven't achieved much in life. In fact, it's time to leave at t…

Older boys or younger men

it always depends on people's mentality. There are two dudes living in the street of the café where I go daily. They're aged about 19 or 20 years. One of them is very handsome, while the other one has an average beauty, although he has a nice body. How do I know about his body? Well, I once saw him shirtless in Winter, taking the trash to the bin in the end of the street. Now, there's a third dude added to that group. Two brothers and a friend, who once was staring at my coimputert, while I typed an entry here and tried to see some gay porn images. I don't know those dudes. They're not even acquaintances. I know them from seing them passing by. I know them, because their manly-like-beauty isn't something I would let escape. In fact, despite I usually dislike younger men, I would open an exception for those two brothers. Their friend could join in, if it pleased him. I would "take care" of the three of them.

Now, there's a younger dude. Darker skin,…

Travelling / Sad Day

Am I the only one travelling this world, withouth leaving my little safe corner? Am I the only one knowing the desire and the lust? Am I the only one who have tried them all, who have gone throught the danger, who took the closest step to the death, but that still keeps dreaming of a brand new day, without caring for all the judges / prejudices??

I am travelling, right now, reight here, sitted in my chair of this cyber store! I am far, far away, in a place of an amazing beauty. The big temple calls me, as the two big waterfalls at it's side keep dropping their waters. The huge tress all around seem untouchable, as the wind barely blows. Someone yells inside the temple and my mouth keeps shut, as I do know the secret lying right inside. Alladin's lamp and it's genius could be on my possession, as I dropped it, in a purpose to the huge river, so no great genius would be trapped inside ever again.

The night falls! I open the temple's door and I walk inside! The night fall…