Saturday, July 19, 2014

Powerful

I am feeling a little bit better today, but still not well.
I am feeling like if I could write down this world and the other one, but still won't be doing that. Not today.
While I was walking the streets of my city, I saw your car passing by. I saw the shadow of my past passing through and I have just realised how way more powerful I am compared to you. You own your car, your house, the girls / boys you want to due to your money, due to the money that you've conquered through your hard work in a foreign country. Within my soul and in my writings, I own and I possess you. Your love is mine, it doesn't matters if you truly desire anyone else.
I have been thinking about re-start writing moe than just poetry. I have been thinking about drawing / painting again and all my mistakes are the best inspiration.
If things go as planned, I will be commiting some of the old mistakes and it'll feel good... until guilt hits me so had, like before...
I am going madened and my imagination is returning me the old places I have been on.
I am wanting and I am walking to that.
Desire without action is useless. And it's even more useless to complain for the lack of results, when the action is lacking as well.
I take the energy of the trees to heal me. The streets of the city are the dungeon where I am trapped and are the chains that I am breaking... slowly, very slowly, but I am woking on that. And I starting to feel powerful once again. I am spreading my wings and allowing myself to fly away. I will get my own internet soon, as I expect to and then I will be watching anime and porn and all the stuffs that have always made me dream and fantasize. And then, I won't be stopped.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Sick

I am not feeling very well today. It seems that a nuclear reactor is about to explode inside my head and my throat is hurting. The wicked weather here is still mad and it turned cloudy, still too hot, what has made my back to give me the sign of pain. Since yesterday that I'm complaining about my left elbow and there have been some stuffs on the place where I am working on that have possibly contributed to this. Now, I am siting in the cyberstore, trying to get concentrated on writing it here and the yelling child has just left.
Nope, things aren't that good. plus, my teeth keep bothering me and from times to times my face flats like a balloon: sometimes it's painful, others it is just bothering, what's the case in this very moment.
i wish and crave for something else, but my baby, small and tiny steps aren't being enough. what has started not too long ago, seems to not be enough and I still need to work harder. I keep having ideas on what to do to improve all this crappy situation and it still seems way too far from my reach.
I want to be more positive about the stuffs... but today is not the day...