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Showing posts from September, 2013

I'm outta here

I try to get concentrated and foccused on what I want to type. It ends up being a very difficult task, especially because my cell phone just vibrated with a text message for me to go to the cafe where I usually go. There are now way too many people inside this cafe. There are way too many things surpassing my mind. The relaxing music of Enigma is not helping (and the music named "T.N.T. for the brain" isn't really helping and is beng somewhat of that).

I am trying to type. I am thinking on countless things and problems. To hell with this shit! I'm outta here!

Ideas, ideas, ideas

They fly high and they burn. They keep offering some images to me, but still I am not typing them down. I know that some of those ideas are going to get lost, while others (the stronger ones) will remain alive within my mind and my soul. I feel them. My body feels them, as if it were bruising of a violent session of BDSM.
I can't say much. I have no idea myself of what's going on.
Let it be... later on, there'll be my own lone session. I will play with myself. I will play games with myself (it's funnier, as I know the limits of my body). And that'll lead me to what I need!

for the pleasure of speaking it out

I have been thinking on getting another blog, independent from these ones I already. If I have decided to get this third blog with my regular account, it would be automatically attached to the ones I have, so... as I have a secret e-mail account, for a secret twitter and tumblr... eheheh! Just guess what? ;)
There are things that I think and that I imagine, that I would never dare to write here. Being gay is not a secret (except for my family). My thoughts aren't either. But there are some thoughts that I have, that I consider a bit too hardcore myself. I have had one secret blog in times. But it served the simple purpose to calm down all the bad thoughts that I have had through bad situations. So this third blog (I have one deactivated third blog), would be a bit different than the one I have had and than the ones that I have idealized.
I want to start it this afternoon. But it appears to be a bit hard, as I can not decide one title. Ican not decide that language's issue. An…

the most stupid thing

Is that I came to the café to do something online that I haven't been able to do. I also came here to type something specific and I am not being able to. I try to listen to some music on youtube, but since I am typing while the music is playing, it automatically stops, so I am forced to listen to the dudes in the cafe speaking. It is somehow a way t force me to deal with something, perhaps with the challenge that it is to write with all these people speaking around me. And this is something that I consider ver stupid.
I make a few plans. Some of them should have been written, so they wouldn't have been lost this way! They weren't. In fact, I am thinking on writing texts for my blogs at home. I mean to handwrite them and then, it is just to make somewhat of a copy. I have read that in the blog of one of my followers.
Speaking of my followers. The people who follow me here, in the blog. Some of them have read the old secret blog that I have had for a very little time. And a…

Too much time spent doing nothing

And that's it!
I do spent too much time doing nothing. I did spent three hours in this cafe, just checking out new templates (tryng this one out, just to see if it pleases me enough), checking Facebook, Twitter and doing that only. i've written a post on which I was thinking since yesterday and it ended up coming out very well. I've ended up publishing the poem of Camões that I have thought about and I haven't added much to the entry. Just "touched" on the templates' issue too. There's something called "evolution" and I keep evolving or floating between phases and spheres. Nothing special about that.
Then, right now,in a hurry, I am typing this. Perhaps, this secnd post is pontless and senseless. Perhaps I am just wasting time and energy, that could be very well used doing some other stuffs.
I have been using old images that I have previously posted in this blog or in any other of the ones that I have or had. They're stored n Google sto…

twinks + hunks = twunks

If you go to google.com and you make a search on hunks, you'll find out muscular men. Big muscular men, to be more exact.

If you go to te same platform and you inser the expression twinks, you'll possibly will be driven to gay pornographic websites.

Still related on the young hunks that I have mentioned yesterday, in the other post, if you do the same search using the term twunks, you'll find out all the above. I am not an avid porn consumer, although I do enjoy watching a quick video or two, but that expression (twunk) wasn't strange to me at all.

It makes me think on how much of a twunk we do enjoy from times to times. I do prefer older men, but if it comes to a very handsome muscular 18 or 19 years old boy... well, that is a ver good bonus!

And that's it about this post! ;)

I was wrong

When I have typed that I had nothing left to say. Life has proven exactly this. Three hours later I a still in the cafe, typing a quick last entry, all this due to have seen him. And as I am mentioning "him" some people could think that I am talking about my stalker, who I also say that has been the love of my life. Or that he is... or whatever... and nevermind about him. This is not about HIM, but about "him".
In this cafe, where I usually come on Sundays, works a ver handsme male. He is working here at least for a month. His face is very sweet and I also like the way he looks at me. It is rather a strange thing to be typing about, but there is something in this male, that makes me think on how good it would be to make him my next disposable male. In tmes, I would make a "movie" within my mind on dating him, having somewhat of a relationship with him and blah, blah, blah... nowadays, there is ver few love left in me, what makes me think on men, if not as …

A stranger in a land of strangers...

What to type about? Maybe that there is a comedy passing in the TV? Maybe about the men in the cafe speaking out loud, laughing, smoking? About them, who I know nothing about, living their friendship here? I am a stranger in a land of strangers. The feeling is not good. I miss that time that I could simply sit in front of the computer and write. I didn't thought if it was rit or wring, I simply used to sit there and write. Nothing else mattered, but writing. I miss that further time that I used to sit around, anywhere would be OK, I would pick the charcoal, the colouring pencils, whatever!, and I used to paint. I was still a stranger in a land of strangers, but at least I used to have my own domain. I was free. I was so free and I used to fly so high. I used to have fun between the angels. From times to times, I used to go down and have fun in hell with Demons too. But tha was a few years ago... I am jus a stranger in a land of strangers...

I have made my own decisions. My decision…

Lost ideas

I have some ideas for what I want to write right here (or even n any other of the blogs) while I am at home. I don't have my own Internet cnnection, nor my own computer lke I have mentioned for way too many times. Ideas get lost.

Sitting in the cafe where I come for seven years (seven years already?), with my friend sitting by my side. We are surrounded by teenagers. Sme of the are smoking. Others are drinking. I know one of them. Their voices make me lift my head up and look around. I always remember of myself and of my friends a few years ago. It feels good. But it can be a bit bitter too. Time has passed by and not all the thngs have gone the best way.

Mea culpa!

My back hurts and I straighten myself in the chair. I try to listen to my thouts and it becomes hard. The crowd around. The crowd of voices within my mind. So many thngs to be written and so few efforts put on what I wish and desire.

Mea culpa! Nobody's else!

And they sng for me: the voices within my mind are singi…

The (good) energy of children

I am a gay dude. Being a gay dude doesn't means I can not have children. Or, in this topic, my own. I can "rent" a belly. I can cheat myself and get married wit a woman (this also means, cheating on the woman I get married with). I can adopt. But honestly, while in times I have thought about having kids, nowadays that was something I wasn't thinking on anymore... until that a friend of mine appearead with her daughter in the cafe and the little girl even seems a bit "attached" to me.

Children! They are the treasure of this world, with all their innocence. They can be the light of our dark days. I have thought... and my thouts include children. Mabe having my own. Maybe adopting one or two kids. Just maybe... these thoughts are like the flashing lights getting weak. Eventually, this thought will vanish and disappear.

What could I have to offer or to teach to a children? I can't see or imagine anything. But still, my thought keeps the smile of children of…

Way too many things...

There could have been way too many things that could have been said. There could have bee way too many things that could have been done. This tablet is turnng out to be such a difficult thing to use. This wicked tablet is turning out to be a difficult tool, but I'll win this fight today. My mood is not the best: maybe it is due to the stupid hungover. Maybe not.

Last night, things should have been wa different. I smoked a few joints and two tequila shots made the combination a bit harsh. I freaked out at useless things. I freaked out at people playing with me.. or joking at me, as they use to do. It is not important today. The mood is not the best to think and evaluate las nit. Mabe later on. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe not.

I've bee thinkinkg about myself. I've been thinkng on who I used to be and on who I am. Some thngs are way different. Others, are exactly the same. I still dream of rich and fame. I still dream... but that is all. There is not much effort put into my plan…