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Showing posts from April, 2016

Trust no one

Do not test me. Do not test my patience. Despite my low patience, despite my sarcasm, I'm a nice guy. I can be a very good friend, even though I fail - people justify this with my humanity.
Do not test my good will.
I am aware of who you are for a very long time. You haven't fooled me that last time. I knew you was taking the money and not giving it back. However, do not keep asking for more - those €5 have been enough and do not text me with excuses (I see them as lies), do not text me asking me to pay you a coffee or you take the risk of getting a reply equal to the one I sent you right after: "I wanna see the day that you're paying me something".
You haven't replied.There is this other guy - he used to be a mutual friend. This other dude doesn't calls or texts as often as he used to.
This guy also had to learn that I am not to take only.Oh. And yesterday night. Cigarettes and coffee? How did I guessed that you too wouldn't be waiting for me for an…

Rambling. Not sure about what.

There aren't too many words to be said. I search and keep on searching and yet it seems the answers are so far away. Or maybe, I'm just asking the wrong questions? I am searching for a reason to not to give up. No, I'm not suicidal. I am simply feeling like if things have a thing on going wrong. I know some of you out there feel the same at times. Maybe, you sit somewhere, or lay in the middle of nowhere and you look at the starry sky. Maybe, the moon is full and you admire the moonlight on the nocturnal fields. And everything seems on for a few days. I know this feeling too. I am at a point that I feel completely overwhelmed by the bad things that happen. They seem to come in pairs or three at a time. No time to cry. No time to rest. I am looking to my old diaries. I have been rewriting them, editing them. And by editing, I mean choosing the trash to be thrown away, that too personal to be recycled into new paper, to be burnt or to simply pretend it'd snowing, as I rip the…

Lost and frustrated - things aren't that bad!

I just had an idea what to write about and it just vanished from my mind. What a surprise.I should be sleeping by now. Some people are even waking up and I haven't even laid in the bed to sleep. How do I expect changes, when I am the first one pissing in any possibility of making them? It doesn't matters much by now - Sunday morning.I was on Tumblr a while ago. I look at certain Tumblrs - people share beautiful imagery of scenery, beautiful quotes, sad quotes, feelings of all kinds. Some share nearly explicit erotic photographies and then, on a second account, they make somewhat of a photohraphic diary of their lives. I suppose the same happens in any of their social utilities. It doesn't really matters.
I feel somewhat of lost. Frustrated at the feeling of not being capable of setting myself free of doubts of all kinds, of doing whatever I have to do, of doing whatever I feel like doing. I feel frustrated at what I see around, at what I feel like being capable of doiny an…

Morning

It's early in the morning. Near 7. I took both pictures at the door of my building, without flash. They turned the lights off, because of the change of hour. Ten minutes ago, it was raining and it was this dark. It's way clearer now.

The night has gone by with work. So much work. I don't complain - I like what I do and even the heavier work seems light to me.
I stayed in the cafe. My boss had some friends there and eventhough they keep asking me for their drinks, I am always invited to sit with them. Various topics are talked, discussed and the voice tone is increased sometimes. It's OK. To agree and to disagree, since everyone keeps up the respect of the other opinion (what doesn't always happens).

I see the beauty in moments like this. And in those rainy nights.
It's that time I close my eyes. And sleep.
It's time I leave the rain falling outside as I curl inside.
The night birds have possibly sung their songs - I heard them in the other night.
The morni…

What priorities?

I am always wanting to do something. Too many things at the same time. I want to draw. Then I want to write. Oh, maybe I should craft something. And I end up with nothing done.
I know, I know. I should stick with priorities. But what are my greatest priorities at the moment? Getting a new daytime job. I have added the lacking details to my curriculum, so I am ready to order a few prints of it, to distribute them here and there, to e-mail them to some stores. Another of my priorities, perhaps the greatest one, is to live - and I keep living. I keep on trying and trying and trying. Isn't it enough? I try again!
My art... I do it when it has to be done. When I feel that the right time is there. For now, I am just back on re-writing my diaries. I think I can call it of editing, since there are lots of things thrown away. Years of moaning and groaning, writing three days in a row the same thing? I need to keep only what's important. Not everything is for one's eyes - not even m…

Music for the soul!

Back with something else.
I really haven't felt like listening to the other soundtrack whole. This music (and I'm mad enough to write a brand new entry, just because of the music).
There isn't much more to say.
The music was the reason of having me back.

Night time

The night is a cold place to be (I'm aware). It takes less than a night time to see things have changed. People have changed. Even their desires have changed - wait, have I see the same signs of you coming my way? And how many "yous" do I write about? I have planned on a quiet night at home. I'd write the letter I have to write for days. The mood isn't there; it's well known that I'm lazy too.  I came to listen to something, as I write. I found this soundtrack on the suggestions (the owners of the channels where I listen some music from). I am liking it a lot, even though I am wanting to change to something more... classic, you know? There is a choir and it approaches to what I want to listen to. (I've been already called of "choir boy", for loving choirs so much)
I had to write. And I write something. Here. Right over there.  I long for the day where I'll stop worrying so much. I long for that day, when I won't fell the need to observe (…

It'll take milleniums...

.It seems it'll take me a million years to understand. It seems I won't live enough life's to understand what burns in my soul. I see time passing by. I walk away from people, for the simple reason that I am not feeling into enjoying company. I need to be on my own. I need to spend my days with my aunt or with my mum. I don't get what is this feeling, that drags me to the bottom. I don't get what is this feeling that makes me love them so much in one second and wanting to strangle them right after. But that's how I feel about my friends. And I haven't been in the best mood lately. Neither I want to murder any of them. So I walk away. And they "chase" me, they "hunt" my company before giving up one more time. No good night wishes at the café. My voice was barely heard and the dishes have been nearly thrown all night long. People got to know me in almost two years - maybe I "spit" my bad vibes all around and they feel it or maybe t…

Nothing much to be said

I see nothing.
I feel nothing.
The birds sing at four in the morning - I thought I was going crazy, but the birds we're really singing.
She makes me happy. I feel happy for the times we talk to each other - others think I just wanna fuck them (or get fucked by them ). Fuck them all. Burn them all down.
Ideas flow in my mind and yet I won't write, I won't draw, I won't make the small things I want to and feel like to.
Ideas flow in my mind. Some would be unread, unseen. Others, would possibly delight the world.
I am back to reality. Reality bites. Everything bites.I know what you're made of - I guess I simply wanted to fool myself, young man.
I see you online, wandering the streets and you shit in my head, when I help you whenever I can, even taking the damage on my own budget.
You say nothing and keep on acting like shit.
I know how shitty you are. You don't surprise me. Not anymore.I remember looking at the night sky and seeing the lightning cutting it in two…