A sea of umbrellas

I went to do some necessary shoppings. It rains hard outside and the river near my house is almost dropping out. The wild ducks found safety on the grass.

I hate to walk in seas of umbrellas - don't get me wrong, I love the rain and rainy days, both to walk outside and to stay at home doing anything pleasant enough for, I just hate have to walk a bit more slowly due to some people who seem to be naturally slow.

Almost one month has passed by since a friend of purs has died and that has been the hell of a quick month. In the meantime, my mother has fell on her job and have had to stay at home since then. My mental sanity hasn't been the best, but I am putting an effort on staying well. I have been doing the somewhat of my part-time job in the cafe where I used to be a regular costumer for the last almost eight years (8 years?! Ha! I'm getting old here, peeps).

The last times have been rough ones for my writings and for my drawings - yes, I am drawing again! I try, I start writing a few new lines, but then it unpleases me. Even now, sitting on a barely empty cafe, it's gets hard, as new person I know arrives and greets me or a random costumer here asks me for the newspaper lyin by my side in the table. I am typing, putting an effort into it, though. I am not allowed many more mistakes or failures. From now on, I am only allowed the sucess and I not succeeding.

My mood hasn't been the best, but I have learned to keep to myself what I feel or think. Even when Death (Oh! Great Glorious, thou shalt keep me 'till they're passed away) crosses my mind, I keep shut and quiet within me. I write about it and that's it. More than putting an effort on writing, I also need to put such effort on what type of writings do I want to do - people shall not know my more sensitive side, my greatest desires.

A sea of umbrellas is outside and I am working on getting brave enough to cross it again. Back home. Later on, I'll have to return here to have a bica (a portuguese name for coffee, expresso) and to work and that'll be more than enough for me. I am getting too tired of some lifestyles of my own and that's why I am working towards a change - night walks under the rain aren't that usual now; night walks without a destinations, only with my instinct driving me, aren't usual anymore; staying around with people who continuosly bother me, who continuosly annoy me, just to have some company and stay outside my house for a few more hours... that's no longer happening. I have been cutting off with some friends who were constant sources of problems and irritations, friends who mattered not with me, the way I worried about them. I have been cuttng off with those who smiled at me, but who were constantly speaking about me on my back (one of them, only would call me when no one else were around around and that has been the giy who pointed that to me. He also said that I was a bad influence and that people should stop hanging around with me).

I am tired of shit. I am tired of shitty people and I am just up to keep close those who I can count on, the same exact way they can count on me. I am up to keep close those who are real friends and not occasional companies.

A sea of umbrellas and a rainy day.

I have been thinking on spending a little money buying a small notebook - I know, I haven't written, but just to be sure... but that's a whortless thought, as quite possibly I will keep the money and the notebook will stay on the shop's shelf.