I don't dance

I went out last night. I went out, dragged by an older and crazy woman, who keeps repeating that I am her best friend. If I really were her best friend, she wouldn't endanger my stuatin at home, by dragging me out a whole night and still trying to take me to placeswhere drug is dealed on every corner of the streets. After a whole night in discos, I left her in a cab in the middle of Lisbon and walked alone and fucked up to the closer train station to come home. I went t have a coffee at the gas station, before heading hme and finding my mother fuming like a dragon and almost threatening to beat me. If only she were able to try.
In the discos, in the middle of Cais do Sodré, I saw people dancing. Then again, I was feeling lost and not suiting on it. People dance and lose themselves to dance. People try to conquer others through the dance. When the look at me, I turn my face aside in disgust and despise. I don't care about them. I wouldn't go, like she wanted to, wth any of them to home. There are easier and faster ways to get fucked.
I don't dance. I don't like to be in the middle of the dance floor. I don't like to be surrounded by people. I enjoy nights out in my corner. I do enjoy to stay hidden, watching others dancing and jumping around. I need to watch them and to keep my eyes open for any possible danger.
I don't dance. I do not relax that much to dance. I am always aware of what I am doing.
Do not call me to dance. Do not stick others' attention over me, as you try to pull me to dance and I keep avoiding you and your dance.
You feel young. You are young. My body is 27 years old. My soul is 270. Or even older. I am not the kind of person one would want or desire. I don't want or desire myself either.
The night felt longer. Almost like if I have spent a whole week inside those wicked discos. One gay disco. One disco of rock music. One disco of reggae. People, people, people... a fucking city, full of people.
I don't dance.
I want to go away. I want to move to the village where my grandparents used to live. It's almost desert. No disco, no music, barely no people...
I don't dance!

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