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Never enough

I have been searching for something. I am always searching for something, I am always looking for something, eventhough it seems I am never able to find what I am looking for. It doesn't matters!

It has been a while since I have written anything here. And eventhough I am trying to put some lines on here, I am still not sure of what I want to write about. I have started a new blog, last year, that has been deleted and restarted. Doesn't it sounds crazy? It's there and I try to write something daily and I never cease to amaze myself on the amount of shit I write. And yes, it is literal shit, although the users of the same platform say that they love my writings, that they can feel what I feel, that they can feel their own life and their own thoughts in my words. However, it's not enough. It' never enough.

I can't stop thinking about that time that I have decided to edit my diaries - they have had too many pages and lines and thoughts thrown to the garbage. There are stuffs that I'd hate to feel on someone's eyes. I only regret the fact that a few chapters of my life have been thrown in the garbage, but about the rest... better safe than sorry. The same goes with my blog - I used to have nudes and, sometimes, explicit sexual imagery in this blog. I have decided to delete them, to delete some entries and things haven't properly gone the best way, nor even the way I have imagined them. I need to get back to edit this blog, to edit my diaries and my poetry. But I need to answer the letters I have sitting there, to add a few more lines and some sorry cards, that I'll craft later on. I need to do so many things, but I prefer doing anything else.
You are right, darling, it's all a matter of priorities.

It has been a while since I have written here. It has been a while. I have been choosing other paths, other ways. And although it feels good and right, I can also feel a bit of guilt. Oh well... I suppose it'll never be good eno

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I gotta keep it up more to myself

I shall not write too much.
I shall not speak too much.
I shall not pass too much info to whoever reads or listens to me.
I shall not let my emotions drive my use of words.
I shall not remember white spaces with wet grey floor and strong smell to piss. Or a small building, nearly destroyed, where things happened on a daily basis, that you'd expect them to happen only in movies.
I have to sleep.
I have to log off the Internet, turn off my phone and avoid his phone calls.
I have to exit the streets during the weekend.
He's no boogie man, rather an annoying carnivorous trying to get his meat, decided to take even by force.
I have to sleep.
Good night (I'm sorry for the inconvenience and any possible lack of sense in this text)

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