Let Me Go!!!




I am sick and tired of all this routine in the hospital. I am sick of having to spend my days in the bed with the face against the pillow, due to the eye surgery. I am sick and tired of being alone. I am sick and tired of always running from love. There is nothing I crave more but human touch. And no, you might know me quite well, but I am not talking about sex, I am craving for a hug, for a kiss, for someone whispering me that despite all the things that gone wrong, everything will be fine!! I am craving for a body by my side in my bed, without anysexual intentions, just to stand there by my side, staring me, touching me or just kissing my neck, my face and my lips. Someone to shove the hair from my eyes and to clean my silent tears.


I've never felt so alone and I gotta say that my body suffered a few mutations with my diseases, so who's up to be aside a mutant? Who's up to cuddle me? Who's up for anything? Friends... My friends are way cool, they're way nice, but they cannot dream what's really going on with me and, depending on me, it'll be my secret for a long, long time. But I need more they can offer me. I wish I was so highed, I almost fell apart.


Tomorrow, another appointment, at 10 a.m.. A few more hours spent in the hospital, seing beautiful and ugly people walking the corridors. Young and new. Too hopeful or too hopeless. 


I wish I could spread my angel wings and simply fly away!


I wish all that I dream off, I wish all that voices in my head show me was for real outside. I wish my soul could be hunted! I wish i could hunt myself again and never ever think or dream of you again. Even when i stay in the hospital, had a dream of you. Dreamed you knew me again, dreamed you came after me, knew all the truth about me and despite that, you kissed me in an old stairway, you faced cops for me, we run away together, but you're way too far, so it has just been a dream. And I knew it was a dream for the very early beggining!!


I still wonder, how do one person, can hurt another so much? How do someone can love another person this much? Before you, I used to dream of love, but never this bursting. There is an old poem which says that love is fire that burns but we cannot feel, Pain which hurts but we cannot feel. This has never been truth to me, till I have found you, have had you in my life, R., and then you just shake me out of your life. Then you suddendly returned and all you did during the days I saw you, was staring at me, including in the party's night.


As soon as I can, I wanna smoke some hash, no matter how I'll feel after that, because i know it'll bring you up to my thoughts again. I wanna walk up the nocturnal streets, feel the wind blow at my face... I just wanna let go... Let go all this feeling! Let go all this stuffs!


I want you to let me go!

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