Fascination

This won't be such an happy or funny or even interesting post!! This will be for someone who just read my blog and said it's fascinating this whole thing of the voices within my head, of the feelings of my alter-egos, of the working mind of this human being who's typing down here right now.


For me, typing this down, dealing with all these voices within my head, dealing with yellings, like that little animal which was Pinnochio's conscience, dealing with lots of cigarettes, dealing with sleepless nights are not something weird or new for me at all. Angel's still killing monsters, whenever he feels bored. He even creates them, just for the fun to kill them out! Nina... Well, that little bitch, would love to pick a motorcycle and go for a ride with a huge muscular guy and have a wild sex session with him, or just get drunk, while relaxing in the beach at night! There are other voices, but none of them is identifiable, none of them gets a shape. Suppose they're not that important; are they??


Changing the matter:


There is not I can't wait like the summer, now. I am a Winter lover, but after texting my loving Sofia this afternoon and the last few days, after discovering that, after all, she understands my feeling for you, R., because she is in the same situation, despite she is trying to hide it, like she always does. We talked the last noon about some wonderful places in our beloved Portugal, some beaches, about the sea and she said that in Summer we would go there, to change of place, to forget this wicked city. And that's why i can not wait for Summer. Who knows, maybe Summer brings good things my way too. It can't all be bad, it can't always be bad things. And there are good things which come with bad times, that helps us to pass over them. What can be worse than this, what can be worse than the doom within me, within my blood, within my veins, my soul and my essence?




Who's gonna embrace me? Who's gonna pick me on the lap, take me flying so high and then let me fall to death? Who will let me go down, so down, that neither devil's be able to grab me? Who will hug me, without a word, without a judge? Who will love me, after this physical mutations, due to my diseases? Who will be able to stand my nights in the café? Who will want to go over with me, wherever I go? Why am I so alone? Why can't I get you out of my mind?


Do I deserve a bit of love? Do I deserve, no matter what? Tell me, do I deserve to do my art? Do i deserve this words' gift? Do I deserve the fame from my work? Why do I feel fascinated by a flying leaf? Why do a cat make me wonder how is it to pick him up and just cuddle him? Why do animals seems more pleasant to me, than humans? Why are people so interesting, in the end?


So many questions, so few answers... And life keeps passing by!

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