Me, my pride and something in the middle...


Tive uma rosa de fogo
a arder no meu coração,
ganhou-ma o destino ao jogo
em dias que já lá vão!

Rosa vermelha de esperança,
ai estas horas sem cor,
porque me vens à lembrança
como um pecado de amor?

Pesados pesam-me os passos
que não dei por me cansar,
levo pesados nos braços
os restos de um sonho ao mar!

Tive uma rosa de fogo...

Translation

I've had a rose of fire
burning in my heart,
Fate won it gambling
in already gone days!

Red rose of hope,
oh these colourless hours,
why do you come across my memory
as a love sin?

Heavy are my heavy steps,
those I haven't given by getting tired,
I carry heavy in my arms,
the rests of a dream to the sea.

I've had a rose of fire...

Entering the mode to type. Half an hour choosen to be spent here, before I am going anywhere else, doing anything else. I'm feeling... and that means typing. Because typing seems to be the only way of creating latelyt. No, wait! When I handwriting my poems, I'm also creating... I almost forgot, I do write too. I do verses, although I have serious doubts on the quality of my verses.

I am truly proud of who I am. But let me take a wider look at this: I'm days away of turning 26 years old, I've been unemployed in the last four years for various reasons (laziness, death in family, disease, laziness again...). I'm truly proud of my blogs, but I am still wanting to re-start them and now I am pondering on choosing between blogspot.com again or, perhaps, I might go onto wordpress.com. perhaps, I might settle a question, to ask for people's opinions: at this moment, without my own computer, without my own internet connection, it is unthinkable to do that "re-start" option again. And it is not about blogger only: facebook, twitter account, maybe the recently created tumblr... It all needs to be recreated so I can feel way more comfortable with what I am doing (or maybe not!). But still, I am feeling proud of all this of all these years here... i am proud, but at the same time, I feel sad... Why is that?

I was walking down the avenue... Summertime! Teenagers are already out fo school and it is possible to see them walking up and down the streets, in the afternoon or at the night. I saw a couple of teenagers huging. It felt rather complicated: I want and I don't want!

Last night, in the gas station where I drink coffee quite often, a dude who I talk to although i have no idea where I know him from. This dude got rather shocked that I am gay. He thought that he had the right to speak out his opinion. he thought that it was due to my education: I told him that since I haven't disrespectd him, he should keep the same kind of respect. Then he came with the kind of conversation of kids and I told him that I'd rather to have 20 cats or 20 dogs at home (or 20 of each) than a single kid, because I have not the same dream of most of people. Fuck off the world, because I owe nothing to anyone. The world has nothing to do with my life, or with my sexuality. It's not even this dude's business...

My mind hasn't been in the best shape, lately.

My soul has been bursting with something: SAUDADE!

I am wanting so much more! I am wanting to improve way too many things, but I am seing myself without any money for way to many things, including for job hunting.

Oh! And about job? Two people talked to me, about getting my resumes: Chico, that asshole who I dealt a meeting with, hasn't shown up, so my resume went out for a walk, before returning home! My friend Miriam... she spoke about that once and never dealt a meeting with me, then I heard that she has been speaking out in the cafe that my interest was very tiny (if any at all!). I am so sorry, people, but fuck off! Next time you guys speak about something, make sure to do things right... otherwise, do not bother me with fake hopes, to do nothing, to let me there waiting and then you fuking idiot people speak out on my back!!

Chico also says that i am one of his greates friends. He also says that he'll defend me of anything or anyone. Last night, you haven't said a fucking word, when the asshole of your friend was harrassing me. Right!

You keep saying that you'll hit me and that I can call my "troops" later on. I'll repeat here what I have told you: I am not counting on the others to defend me! I have not securities! I count on no one but myself to keep me alive! You people know about my feeling of that wicked stalker and you see me calling no one to keep that dude away!

I am proud of myself, although there a few stuffs I should get ashamed of (and I am!)! But being myself, having lots of people who seem to like me, it takes lots of hard work to work you and your personality out to make it work! And not even idiots who try to bring you down can down that: if they can, they'll do that only for a few hours or a day!

Take care, people! Take really care, as I am taking care of myself!

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