Angel Alucard

It's 2:30 in the morning and I'm sitting in the bed, typing this message on my mobile. After coming from the café, I was thinking about a text to write, but once again, that went away. My poor, old blog is a mess. I exported the texts from the blog in Portuguese and uploaded it here, so you'll easily find texts both in Portuguese and English. My texts are another mess of feelings - mostly depressing stuff, but it is what it is. Times have changed and so did I. Despite not writing as often, it still is my escape. I'm not willing to go through years of spelling mistakes, wrong labels, fix it and try to attract more views to this blog. I'd rather write a final post, with a link to a brand new blog and try to be more careful with my writing. I'm sitting alone in the bed and one of my cats is looking at me. I pet him, open the sheets so that he can lay under them, but he decides that sitting by my side is more appealing. He looks at me and I pet him and then I procee...

I haven't written on this blog for a while. I might start using it to post some rambles. Online monologues or A mad man's rambles . That's the idea. Or not.

 Is it a newly acquired respect or is it out of interest? Have you suddenly started to respect me or have you any hidden interests behind such words? I have seen this man in the cafe. Years after and on a lone afternoon, this man greets me, smiles and mentions the fact that he hasn't seen me in ages. He smiles and walks away. Years ago, I used to be this innocent boy that used to hang around the big, bad thugs. Out of them, the majority didn't really liked me - they just out up with me because of this girl whom was the reason for me to be in such environments. Today, this guy comes up to me. Like I have previously mentioned, he greets me with a smile, states the fact we haven't seen each other in ages and walks away. And I am no longer this innocent. Neither are my guts. What's behind those words? A newly acquired respect for another man? Any kind of sketchy interest, given the fact that we know each other kind of well? I still don't know. But I am alert.

I've recently started cleaning my social media following. Again. In the last week's, I've been unfollowing a lot of accounts related with porn, leaving only those accounts that share some clips and some actors, and politics. However, I know myself and I know I'll be chasing some of those people back. From both spectrums. The thing is that anxiety makes me do it. I even follow and unfollow people that I know in a spree. My mind works in a strange way. I think that me and a certain person haven't been in each other's life for a while, so it doesn't makes sense to still follow them. As for porn or politics, I'm tired of chasing the same old thing - cock or the politicians I'm voting for - under different faces or backgrounds. So I unfollow them. Later on, I'll start following them again, because... Well, because they've been followed by me before and I liked what I saw. Things are still going down the path where I unfollow them. I'll most li...

Technology is a blessing. And a curse. I am typing this message inside a very full bus. Few seats and not that much space for people doing this long hour trip on their feet. I am deactivating the cell phone's browser and Google Chrome, as I am sticking with Brave and have been for a while. And this process has been kinda painful: Google Chrome is the most used web browser and as most cell phones are part of Android universe, it's more than natural. However, it hands me a little too many ads and trying to read anything is almost certain that I'll end up hitting a surprise pop up ad. My cell phone is a Redmi, which gives me Mi Browser as a default. And although Mi browser blocks some commercials, it still allows pop ups; trying to see something on YouTube still gives me ads, despite the ad block. And although I'd like to use the easiness of Chrome or being faithful to Mi Browser, Brave wins. Wins because you block ads, because it blocks cookies without having websites ask...

  I have been pondering about wether to write this or not, but this makes sense to me. I tend to voice my opinion on quite a few things, topics and people, and this is one of those topics (and this beautiful person portrayed here) that I feel the need to write about. As most people seem to know, Johnny Depp is in court, batling a defamation lawsuit that he opened / filed against his ex-wife Amber Heard. Not that long ago, Johnny Depp has been accused by her (I'll avoid typing her name or name calling, as I feel like doing so) of domestic violence. As usual, when a woman claims that she has suffered of domestic violence, men are seen as the villain , without the so called presumption of innocence . And this is what happened in this relationship and the supposed violence from Jonnhy Depp: Hollywood hurried to destroy Johnny Depp, he's been stripped of movie roles, like the iconic Jack Sparrow, tabloids harrassed the man and made him guilty... of something he was innocent of. It t...

  This is Easter time. This is the time of rebirth like Christ Himself, the time to rise from my own ashes, like the Phoenix. And having written this, I am thinking about social media and the amount of accounts that I follow uselessly. Twitter is in worse conditions: I have followed almost 2000 accounts recently. Mostly linked to gay porn, accounts that share gay clips and certain men who share semi-nudes, teasing their viewers to buy a subscription for their OnlyFans accounts. It's useless and I followed most of them because the images were pleasant. I have even thought about getting myself an alt account, so that I could follow certain accounts freely. It happenes that my Twitter account is 11 years old, I have a massive number of people who have blocked me, including politicians and political parties in my country and I'll honestly stick to those honor badges. I'll unfollow the vast majority of people and accounts that I came to follow and stick to those whom I've re...

I miss Tumblr. Therefore, I have decided to share this old GIF that has been shared in this blog before.

  Se me seguiam no meu blog das "Crónicas da Vítima", decidi eliminar o mesmo, não sem antes fazer a migração para os blogs do Sapo.  Não deixei, também, de importar todos os textos para aqui, uma vez que tenho este blog desde 2007 ou 2008 e é o espaço que existe há mais tempo. Por vezes, é necessário tomar decisões e livrarmo-nos de "pontas soltas", o que era um pouco com o que acontecia com todos os blogs que mantinha - eram três (3), para escrever a mesma coisa, fosse em Português ou em Inglês. Como tal, este blog tornou-se bilingue, ou seja, escreverei por aqui em Português e em Inglês, mantendo sempre a fidelidade a mim mesmo. Escreverei, como dantes, os meus sentimentos e os meus pensamentos. Escreverei opiniões e farei textos em que darei a minha opinião sobre filmes, jogos, livros que veja, jogue ou leia. Sei que, para algumas pessoas, isto não terá importância, pois não se darão ao trabalho de procurar-me ou de procurar o porquê de não verem mais textos meu...

 Ontem, para a tag poesias dos blogs do Sapo, decidi fazer uma tradução do poema "Another Birth" de Forugh Farrokhzad. Transcrevo aqui a mesma tradução, visto ser dos meus poemas favoritos! Todo o meu ser é um canto negro que te carregará perpetuando-te ao alvorecer de crescimentos e florescimentos eternos neste canto eu suspirei tu suspiraste eu enxertei-te à árvore à água ao fogo. A vida é talvez uma longa rua através da qual uma mulher a segurar um cesto passa todos os dias A vida é talvez uma corda com a qual um homem se enforca num ramo a vida é talvez uma criança a regressar a casa da escola. A vida é talvez acender um cigarro no repouso narcótico entre duas rondas de amor ou o olhar ausente de um passageiro que tira o seu chapéu a outro passageiro com um sorriso insignificante e um "bom dia!. A vida é talvez aquele momento íntimo em que o meu olhar se destrói na pupila dos teus olhos e é o sentimento que porei na impressão da Lua e na percepção da Noite. Num quart...

  In the last few days, I came accross a few articles on news outlets that Meta (ex-Facebook) was warning that it could shut down it services for Facebook and Instagram itself , however many European leaders said that life would be very good without it. (click the lick and read the latest article) Throughout the base of people I follow on Twitter, the Europeans seemed to rejoice with the possibility of Facebook and Instagram shutting down around here, being me one of them. What made Meta (I always type Facebook, because I forget that the company's name has changed to Meta) issue such warning were the laws in the EU that prevent companies like Meta itself and other foreign companies to transfer Europeans' data, store and process it in the USA. Of course that we, Europeans, are happy that the European Commission is safeguarding our data, especially with the scandal of Facebook selling data to Cambridge Analytica , which granted the company fines from countries all over the globe....

  Back in the day, I used to worry a bit less, care a bit less, yet I still thought a little bit too much. Back in the day, I also used to wish it was everything different: me, people around me, life. Back in the day, I used to wish I was someone else, I wish I loved someone else, I wish I wished someone else. I gave you a little of myself. I gave you the end to your curiosity, I gave you your first experience with a man, I gave you me whole. I kept on saying "no, no and no" and you kept on insisting "come on, show me what you can do". You're younger and I am older, you are (or were?) a straight boy and I am a gay man. I gave you whatever you wanted and got a big nothing in return. It's OK, I'm not expcting anything either way. I used to publish pictures taken from the Internet and I used to don't worry about it. Then came a time that I started worrying about what others would say about me. I would worry about what others would think. Then here i am ...

  Modern Age: President Simulator is a game from the Ukranian company Oxiwyle that, as the name implies, simulates the life as the President of a country. The game is quite good, if you enjoy games of simulation, especially those which simulate geopolitical problems and ways to solve it. The game has a good mechanic: to begin with, the game starts off with very few factories and a starving population (at least, this is what I experience while playing with my country, Portugal). We don't have gold as a natural resource, therefore the money is very low and it'll decrease tendencially and exponencialy if you don't watch countless videos to earn more 40 of a daily income for the country. This if you want to keep up with the constant necessity to spend money to buy the necessary goods (food) to keep your population fed and happy, because not having gold as a natural resource makes you unable build gold mines. This is, in my optic, a downside of this game. There is also the nece...

  You know this is one of my favorite poems. I think that I have shared it here at least once, but I just went to look for a narrated version and this is the first one (and only one until now) that I have heard. Regardless this, the declamation is quite good and passionate, so just sit back, relax and feel!

When the right things come on the right time!

  De nada me serve escrever-te. E, talvez, esteja a receber aquilo que pedi. Talvez não. É um dia após o outro, um mágoa após a outra. A vida tem dado vários golpes fortes, uns após os outros. Já poderia ter um pouco de calma. Estou triste. Muito triste. O porquê, não sei. E estou a reagir de uma forma que não queria, a algo que não tem razão de ser.

  Espero, sinceramente, que o pouco que vi, não seja o que estou a pensar. Não estou em condições mentais de aguentar um golpe desses, muito menos de deixar passar em branco aquilo que me tem vindo a incomodar - é o karma a acontecer! Contudo, acho que nunca fiz assim tanto mal a ninguém, para não merecer qualquer tipo de melhoria na minha vida.

  Há uns aninhos atrás, escrevi um texto que falava de alguém que amei e muito. Na verdade, falava apenas daquele olhar , que, agora que me lembro, trespassava uma alma. Actualmente, não é amor o que sinto, mas há alguém que vejo de vez em quando. Esse alguém tem um olhar igualmente ou mais profundo ainda, não obstante a sua jovem idade. Especialmente, quando tenho a cabeça num certo sítio , olho para cima e os nossos olhares encontram-se. No fundo, não é o seu belo rosto, o seu corpo jovem que me dá uma tesão descomunal aquilo que me desconcertam. É aquele olhar! Há uns anos, se perguntassem no que é que reparava primeiro num homem, talvez respondesse que fosse a cara ou o corpo. Sei que muitos dirão que é o sorriso aquilo que os desarma. Actualmente, sem sombra de dúvida, direi que é o olhar aquilo que mais me atrai num homem!