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Social utilities, hook up, blogging and ideas...

I have been looking forward some way to type or write down. In the last few days, all I have been able to do was to try to write in my notebooks and pass the pen over what I have previously writen. Today, I have been at my aunt's house and I have spent the whole afternoon checking my Facebook, my Twitter , my Tumblr (where I have posted a few things, but they haven't been exactly what I was looking forward) and some other online stuffs. I have closed one social utility that was simply consuming my time, without a reason to. It was a website to meet people and I wasn't really interest on meeting anyone. It was just to see what was going on the single people's world.

I have typed about closing my blogs. starting them all over, from the very beggining. I wouldn't be deleting any of my blogs, but they would be "abandoned". I would leave my old thoughts, with all the mistakes and all the longings, desires, hopes, melancholies. People would be able to see where did I came from and where I was at. But it is not the right time. Not yet. I still need to work a bit more on me, on myself, on getting my life in the right track.

Lately, I have been reading my friend Elizabete's blog. She has been writing about The Man. The Man that she has been meeting in the last couple months, who she's been going out with, The Man that she is slowly entering in a relationship with. I think that despite she has been thinking on getting her relationship with him done and finished, she's starting to fall in love with him. Slowly... very slowly... and I think that she has no idea about that yet (if you're reading this, excuse me, but that's what I am seing).
She shared an image with me on Facebook. "It's fucked up to depend on people", it said. And that is exactly why I do not give a try on that. That's also the reason why I am not into having someone on a regular basis. Because this is the way love can strikes us in it's worst shape: it can drives us nuts, makes us put our defenses down, driving us completely helpless on where to move.

In the last few days, I haven't been able to type. Like I have mentioned, I have been looking forward the inspiration and I've been looking forward the enthusiasm. My childish enthusiasm will never be back. It'll never ever be like before.

I have also used the websites where I am on to see people.
I see other people, dressed or naked and I fantasize what it would be like to be like them. I fantasize what it would be like to live one life like their's. And it's always just a fantasy. Social hook up websites, websites for alternative lifestyles and the incredibly huge list can serve the single purpose to see and fantaszie. Then I regret and I get such accounts deleted until the day the I return there.

It's incredible how days and days of a mental and inspirational block can end up just like this, due to a few hours at a friend's house, listening to music and working in our prides, like one blog.
I'll be gone soon...
I'll be walking the night streets soon.
It's cold outside and hours don't stop.
It is almost time to leave and to get home to keep writing. Wishing that such inspiration keeps, until I get my notebook in my hands, so that I can write my poems...

That's it... and I am pretty satisfied...
I am happy that I've been able to write this much...


Comments

Elizabete ღ said…
I'm really happy to see that you've written something! =)
I almost didn't came to check on this blog of yours, I've open the other one first and there was no news - but then I thought "it's just one click away" and here I am.
I won't say anything about that thing you've written, I just don't think I can go nuts anymore or helpless...
Kiss

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