Mental Status: too highed for his own security!


Where in this world?
I've always thought an seriously imagined that when we've reached the adult age, there would be some kind of sign. Something truly markable.
In the other day, I have realised that I am seriously a 26 years old man, mentally aged 15 and acting a bit alike that. Could have this been my own sign?
I am in the cafe, but this is not comfortable to write. Maybe because there are too many familiar or friendly faces around. Maybe because I'm highed. Maybe not.
I was in the right path. I have chosen to do the right thing. My heart was filled with good and honest intentions. And there gone the good intentions down the toilet yesterday in the afternoon. I choose. I mistake. Mea Culpa
I am nothing. I have chosen to be nothing. I have chosen to act like that. Now I want to change no one truly believes me! Mea culpa
Making much more sense to shut up, to lock my-fucking-self up at home, not allowing myself to see anyone, nor anyone to see me. It's my fault, I shall punish myself nd keep working on the changes.
Kneel. Close your eyes. Say it to yourself and start believing: "you're nothing, you'll never be anythingnand will never ever get anything, unless you get your fucking sorry ass up and go for it. Start working and working the mind for the changes. Start changing and changing the mind for sucess. It only depends on you. GO. RUN FOR YOUR SHITTY LIFE. MOVE YOUR FUCKING ASS". Listen to those whispers becoming yells within your mental life. Do the changes there, so the changes are made out here. Stop being a simple viewer / spectator of this life and start creating a new one. It's for you. It's for me. For all those in our situation.
Call me. Don't do it. Speak to me in the streets or turn your face aside. See cars passing by or dare yourself to lose the fear of that comfortable place and be inside of one of them. See the moon in the city's sky or look down, allowing to chances to run away.
My mind is travelling.
My mind is close and far enough.
Time is pasing by and an urge to go home hits my soul.
"5 more minutes..." always turn onto endless hours lost...
Time to go. To shave my big beard and take a truly relaxing and warm shower. To let bad thoughts to go away with the water.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Easter time: cleaning and rebirth time

Image
  This is Easter time. This is the time of rebirth like Christ Himself, the time to rise from my own ashes, like the Phoenix. And having written this, I am thinking about social media and the amount of accounts that I follow uselessly. Twitter is in worse conditions: I have followed almost 2000 accounts recently. Mostly linked to gay porn, accounts that share gay clips and certain men who share semi-nudes, teasing their viewers to buy a subscription for their OnlyFans accounts. It's useless and I followed most of them because the images were pleasant. I have even thought about getting myself an alt account, so that I could follow certain accounts freely. It happenes that my Twitter account is 11 years old, I have a massive number of people who have blocked me, including politicians and political parties in my country and I'll honestly stick to those honor badges. I'll unfollow the vast majority of people and accounts that I came to follow and stick to those whom I've re
Read more

The Blessing and the Curse of Technology

Technology is a blessing. And a curse. I am typing this message inside a very full bus. Few seats and not that much space for people doing this long hour trip on their feet. I am deactivating the cell phone's browser and Google Chrome, as I am sticking with Brave and have been for a while. And this process has been kinda painful: Google Chrome is the most used web browser and as most cell phones are part of Android universe, it's more than natural. However, it hands me a little too many ads and trying to read anything is almost certain that I'll end up hitting a surprise pop up ad. My cell phone is a Redmi, which gives me Mi Browser as a default. And although Mi browser blocks some commercials, it still allows pop ups; trying to see something on YouTube still gives me ads, despite the ad block. And although I'd like to use the easiness of Chrome or being faithful to Mi Browser, Brave wins. Wins because you block ads, because it blocks cookies without having websites ask
Read more

Following and Unfollowing

I've recently started cleaning my social media following. Again. In the last week's, I've been unfollowing a lot of accounts related with porn, leaving only those accounts that share some clips and some actors, and politics. However, I know myself and I know I'll be chasing some of those people back. From both spectrums. The thing is that anxiety makes me do it. I even follow and unfollow people that I know in a spree. My mind works in a strange way. I think that me and a certain person haven't been in each other's life for a while, so it doesn't makes sense to still follow them. As for porn or politics, I'm tired of chasing the same old thing - cock or the politicians I'm voting for - under different faces or backgrounds. So I unfollow them. Later on, I'll start following them again, because... Well, because they've been followed by me before and I liked what I saw. Things are still going down the path where I unfollow them. I'll most li
Read more