I've survived

I've survived!
While walking the cold dark streets, I was thinking about this.
I've survived!
What have I survived to?

  1. I have survived to the death of dearest people of mine. People that I have never thought I could live any further without;
  2. I have survived to the death of pets;
  3. I have survived to the streets and its' thugs;
  4. I have survived to bad companies and I have survived to the separation of the most dearest people and friends;
  5. I have surived to the death of some friends: some were old enough to be my grandparents, others could be my brothers;
  6. I have survived to disease;
  7. I have survived to depression, self-hate and self-esteem. I have survived to long hours of planning to what my suicide and to what my funeral would be like;
  8. I have survived to the destruction of my soul;
  9. I have to way too many things.
The list keeps going. The list is way bigger and I have always been like cats: I have multiple lifes and I have wasted quite a few of them. I have always fallen on my feet, no matter how harsh the hit has been.
Some people might ask me: "how do you see your life?". Times ago, I wold reply something cheap like: "a terrible thing" but nowadays I would reply to them something like this: "I see life like a game, where you have multiple lifes. When you die, in the screen, right in fron of your eyes, you'll have the mytical phrase: 'game over'. It is allowed to try, to test different ways or paths, but you have to be aware of the limit time you have to play the game. But it's a game, nothing more than a game!".
I've survived as a goth between thugs and chavs. I've conquered some friendships and some respects. In some cases, I've only earned a bit of those people's respect. And it is something good.
It feels good to walk the streets at night and where people, like my mum, see reasons to be affraid of, I see people who respect me and who I respect and that I feel quite honored to greet and to be greeted by. I see people that might take my back and protect me, as if we were born from the same womb.
I've survived to way too many things, but in some points, I'm still testing my luck. Seems that I haven't had enough, but I did. I really did!
I am now just typing. Checking some of social networks. Listening to music. I have other things to do and although some of them might be done tonight, others will have to wait.
I've survived to life. I have been living it at it's fullest. But I want and I need much more. And that's what I'm working to get. I have to go to sleep, but there's still a bit more that I want to type. Now that I've started, I'll try not to get lost.
Location: Cacém, Portugal

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