Neurotic (Christmas is coming!)

I haven't slept last night. I have had things to do this morning and as I was fearing to keep sleeping, I have prefered to stay awake, doing other stuffs. I am almost fainting with the need of sleep. I am tired. I have walked a lot. But this... well, about walkings and other stuffs, I think I'll let them be for later on. Maybe to the next entry.
I am feeling neurotic, like I always feel when Christmas is too close. I thought that I wouldn't type about this. I also have decided to avoid thinking about this. But the fact is that all this fucking Christmas thing is annoying me pretty much.
Christmas is supposed to be the family's eve and I don't have much of what I can call of a family. My father died in 1997 (do the maths and you'll be able to reach there). After his death, "his" family entered in a war with my mother. It isn't necessary to say that this has driven us to walk different and separate paths. The only family that I have considered as mine, has been my family of my mother's side. Grandmum and granddad, who have died too, by now. My family is left to 3 people: me, mum and aunt. All the others... well, I do speak to my father's family nowadays, but they're nothing but strangers to me. The few remaining people from my granma's side (mum's mum), they're too old and I don't feel s comfortable around them and their decadence. The typical decadence of elderly. Others are too far or I am not that close to them. From grandpa's side... they're literally shit and beng dead or alive... it's all the same for me.
Christmas is also the season of hypocrisy. People hate each others during the whole fucking year and when Christmas arrives, they're all friends. They pass by and smie to eah others, hiding the knives behind their back. After Christmas, they start stabbing each others' in the back again.
I am neurotic. Due to the lack of sleep. Due to my thoughts. Due to all this crappy eve and I am so looking forward all this is finally over. Then everyone get back to the normal and my neurosis can calm down a little bit. But just a little bit. I am neurotic most of the time, although I can hide it very well (and, in the other hand, maybe not!).
The good thing about this sleepless night. The good thing about all the nights that I have spent awaken, doing other stuffs, seing other stuffs, is that it has allowed me to practice my plans mentaly. There are stuffs that I want to do. They are necessary for me. And I got t say that after seing the comercial a new series that's about t bein, where a serial killer had various and many websites, blogs, forums... that calms me down a little bit. It makes me feel more normal, althought it puts me at the level of a serial killer.
I am neurotic. Christmas isn't helping. But since I keep creating and gping after all the plans I want and need to develop... it's all good!
And don't worry, people. My plan doesn't include start to kill people massively (althou in my beliefs, the world would be much better without human beings!)

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