Christmas and New Year's eve / Sex and Creation

Typing or writing hasn't been an easy thing. I think that in my previous posts I have left this way clear. But still I try. Still I struggle and fight to get all the things done. He I am, in the end of the afternoon, typing in a bare empty cafe. Not the cafe where I usually go, so that I can ensure to be left quiet and alone.
I have felt sad. Strangely melancholic.
There are pointless and useless topics to type about. I have writen a phrase and it has been deleted right away. People don't need t know eveything about my life. And it can be applied to some people in my life, who tend to ask me to help them with quests I am not really into. Then they realise they won't be getting my hand on those errands, so them use other people to pressure and to, in a last instance, to embarrass me. It's ok. It's everything ok.
Christmas is coming. In a week, it'll be the day of the year I hate the most. I haven't writen or typed about this yet. I've even avoided to think about that, but it's coming. And it can go to the hell with itself. Burn down all Christmas trees and make all those lamps to explode. Fireworks it is. Fireworks they could be. My mother insists on setting up the tree, while my cat keeps pulling down the balls. He has bite the lamps wire, so they don't work now. *good kitty ^^* I want this week to pass fast. I want these holidays to end soon.
New year's eve is something I completely despise too. It is just another day for me. Nothing special and something that I don't celebrate. I usually spend it at home woth my mother and with my aunt. Every single year I get invited to celebrate it with my friends and every single year I do refuse the offers. Some people have their lovers to spend this day with. I refuse love(rs) too. Bring on the sex and leave love aside. No feelings involved mean the safety of my wicked mind and of my twisted heart.
I have Enigme back to one of my mobiles. I have been listening to their songs. I also have been wacthing some stuffs that I have downloaded to my mobile. Ideas for my porns / eroticas keep blowing withing my mind. Elias keep speaking and he has shown me a certain episode. It would work and suit well a short story, while I don't type the novel.
It goes...
It keeps going...
I am on The Alterium. There, I have seen lots of alternative men and ladies. Naked men and ladies all around. Some sexy. Others not so sexy. But people are friendly (or most of them). I got to say that at the age of 26, I should have grown up a bit more. Maybe i shouldn,t look at alternative men as the top "candies". Men in long hair or with rastas, in alternative styles... they make my dreams sweeter and the hardcore can suit them well too. Maybe they're fallen angels. Maybe they're the demons that I am looking forward to be again.
I miss... I miss wearing all in black, with spiked bracelet and black make-up. What I miss the most is covering the lines of my eyes wit the black eye-liner. I miss my dark look, although my heart has never really left the dark side. I still dream of them, big bodybuilders on a goth or punk look. Cops that turn onto goth angels / demons after dark.
My heart is in flames. My heart is a huge bonfire. Nothing burns so much lke my heart nor my soul. Not even the soul. Within me, there's a huge universe, awaitng to be explored. There are stories from the past. The present day includes spaceships and flying cars. The present day includes, maybe, other planets.
My words aren't clear at this moment. I feel that I am no longer able to write the beautiful things that once I've writen.
I am wanting to draw again. I am wanting to read a bit more. I am wanting to d so many things and I am doing nothing at all.
Christmas and New Year are coming. They can go fuck themselves.
My wishes for 2014? Maybe the same as all the previous ones: t mprove and change my life. But now, I want to do what it takes' instead of looking forward the Heaven to send them along to kock a my house's door.

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