Caring Not = Excellence

Caring not would be the excellence of my actions, especially to myself! I would be better in my life and with my life itself! I would be happier! But no, I do care quite much with the others, that I almost forget of myself! I don't want to know why the fuck did you took such action: I do care and in other circumstances I would be looking for an answer for your action, little brat, but I don't want to be bothered with m,ore phonecalls like the one from your father last night, telling me that you're in the hospital again, possibly because you have tried to kill yourself again (you're 18!) and that you have run away from home, picked a train and did a trip of 3 hours and half inside a train, to reach almost 400 km's away! You want to go? Then just go! I do care, but I don't want to be bothered again!

I have tried to reach this far, by finding healtier and happier ways to cross the surface of the planet and to go through this life. I do drink and smoke hash (not healtier, but happier), I do listen to music (healtier and happier!), I do walk distances quite big, big enough for people to call me of crazy. At this moment, I am listening this chill out music from Spain. I am daydreaming, but my daydreaming goes darker, because all I can imagine is your fucking and bloody funeral! I am so sorry that I am not writing my sad notes... I am so sorry that my tone sounds so pissed off... But, esxcuse me, brat, I AM PISSED OFF! In a few minutes, my time here in the Internet, will end and I will not be able to keep listening to such songs, which are calming me down! So you'd better not ask for me tomorrow, when my mother takes the time and the effort to visit you, or I'd find a way to visit you and I will spank you in the hospital!

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