Loneliness







Last night, it was supposed for me to go out, to have some fun in any disco or bar around, though I hate those kinda places. But I was wishing that, I was wishing to do something different. The only person I have said I was wishing to go out, said she couldn't, right up away, when it was missing a few hours for we to go out. Once again, I stood alone! Anyway, I pick the money up and gone to Lisbon, for dinner, as I wanted.
In Lisbon, I went to dinner and I found myself inside Armazéns do Chiado, having such a wonderful dinner of junk food, watching the MTV "Next" show and, sometimes, looking around, watching people. I wasn't the only lonely person inside that mall, but I was feeling so small. Everyone around was there to go out, to have fun and I was there just to breathe te air of the city, the air of the downtown... I should be with my friend, but she really couldn't. I should be happy, but my feelings wasn't able to allow me. I was feeling suffocated!
After dinning, I went out, to smoke a cigarette, to walk, to feel the cold breeze of the night in my hair, in my skin, in my flesh... Out there, going right up the street, people in groups, ready to their night out, some homeless and street artists were talking, one statue man was making some theater to the passing people, making laugh the homeless artists which was with him. That's something I love and hate about Lisbon; in one hand, I love to see the art from those amateurs artists, but I hate the fact that many of them sleep in the streets, with cold, rain, snow, exposed as pieces of flesh for the delight of the choice. I just kept walking, till I discover I was pretty far from where I came from. I saw the eléctrico (eletric car) with a few people inside... I saw groups passing by... I saw a gay couple kissing... I felt so lonely! Decided to go back, up the street, seing the same places, the same buildings, the same streets...
I caught the train back to Cacém and met my friend Jo, we went to drink coffee and I smoked weed, just to forget and laugh... I ended the night highed, sleepingin the couch and feeling lonely... I am with a lack of imagination, I am lost inside, with no words to describe many things... I am wordless to so many things, that in the end, I'll be ending with no voice at all..

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