Freestyling and Freedom (Soul's freedom and beliefs)


In the past few days, I've been realising a few stuffs. In my job, when that damned caffé is almost empty and when I don't have anyone calling me, I can sit somewhere and think for a while! I think on how my life changed, I think on how things are right now, I think on what my life became! I felt from the beggining I was becoming a society lamb, doing all pretty and nice, but I was wrong. I could upset a few thugs in a caffé a few nights ago, just because I was talkin about pubic hairs! That was funny!

Today, a couple hours ago, I met my friends C. and S. in the railway station, they just arrived from a mall in Lisbon and Claudia started fighting her boyfriend by phone and me and Samuel had been listening a couple songs in my mp3 and talking. I commented with hi that last night, I was highed and that a friend of mine said I was a mix of gothic with hippie and I realise it might be true, and Samuel said I have my own style, like I had a registered trademark sybol in my arm! It was nice!

I always feel free in my day off!

I got highed when I was hanging around Lisbon during the afternoon and when I was in the train, on my way home, I woke up in Barcarena and the train was doing such a weird noise. Suddendly it stop and as I was highed, I felt like the train engine was turned off and the train was just letting go, in freedom, with the wind... I felt like the train lights were off and there was nobody in the train, but me... The whole train got involved by a soft blueish lighted tunnel. I was the feeling of freedom for me and I all I wished in that moment was that the whole world could fell so happy and s free like me in that moment!

Peace... Freedom... Happiness... Self-understanding... (maybe) Love... Believing in myself... That's all I mourn for!

Listening to ERA's "Mother" song, I feel so peaceful and comfortable... I feel so highed and so heavy... I feel light at the same time... I feel like I could fly... I feel like I was being dragging down... I feel so many ways, I almost can't describe it!

I need to try to understand myself, I need to try to be happy, I need to try to do more than I really do! I am trying, I really am, but how can I be happy, if sadness is my nature?

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