Useless Ideas

Everytime I decide to pay one hour or even half an hour in here, I always think on what and how much I do want to write. I settle some ideas for what to write, what to debate, what to say... And it ends up for not being anything of that special. It ends up being way different of what I have "dreamed" and planned... Anyways, I am always here, even when I do realise that there are only a few minutes left

Facebooki and Twitter have done their magic for today, so here I am, trying to write anything. Here I am, consuming my energy with things that will never ever lead me anywhere and if they do, they'll do that by accident.

I go deeper, further in my ideas and thoughts. They are not usable. I check facebook again and then I head here again... If I could be able to change the stuffs in the immediate day, I would be terribly pleased. But things aren't that simpkle and so I keep dreaming of evrything and of nothing. I keep seing my dreams as real things, as real people, as real situations... My dreams, my inspirations... They turn to be real inside my mind. I dream and when I wake up, I de realise of how disapointing waking up is! Real world could never compete with my fantastic inner world...

Yesterday, I have been in the beach. Enjoyed a real nice morning of beach and the awesome company of my friend Sofy and met her daughter. It's been a nice morning. Hash in the beach is also a great thing. Gettinmg high has been my support in so many times and situations. Been sobber for a while, but here I am, back to getting high. It's ok if I smoke... But it's ok either if I don't taste it for days. The feeling of being high is just better. Even if only for a few hours.

My ideas... Perhpas they'll die within me... perhaps I wake up someday, in the middle of something terrible, something worse than what happened almost two years ago (already? how time flies!!) and then I start scrapping stuffs within me. Days ago, I have listened to some old Cd's an ex-friend of a friend burned me years ago, with anime songs and some of my old ideas appeared... Who knows?? perhaps I should search in different places for different ideas...

I wrote some short gay porns... They're dying in my USB pen drive and possibly they'll be deleted. Maybe not. I just am not brave enough to assume those words as my own. And the boy by my side in this cyber store is giving me a kinky idea, due to the way he checks around, if someone is spying him... Will I write another one, inspired by him?? Cause he definitelly looks like a thug and thugs have inspired me "HARD" to write the porns...

Useless... Useless ideas...

Time to go... Good afternoon!!

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