Angel Alucard

Será que as pessoas não percebem quando não atendemos os telemóveis? Poderemos estar ocupados! Poderemos não querer atender! As opções são muitas e variadas e a pergunta que se impõe é: para quê insistir? Para quê? Para chatear? Chove e troveja, como se não fosse haver um amanhã. São cinco da manhã e a minha mãe continua a insistir com os telefonemas: no total, são 7 chamadas não atendidas! Vou sair agora e fazer o caminho para casa, para levar com gritos, levo com eles quando entrar em casa e não pelo caminho!

And it's raining as if the sky was tearing apart. Tears of Gods and/or Goddesses! Lightenings rippping the sky, thunders breaking the silence. My mobile vibrates, as my mum's calling me (it's 5 a.m., seems the world is ending and I do not show up, neither answer the phone. I prefer to stand the yellings at home).I look through the glass and I am seing the rain drops hitting the glass violently: there's a kind of peace way too big in this scenarium; far in the horizon, the tower of the church with the blue cross. I am thinking and daydreaming on one converstaion that a girl have had with me yesterday. Her idea of me immigrating would be due to the narrow minds in this country, the lack of chances: I am fine with the lack of chances, since I am in my country and narrow minds don't deal with me! But since yesterday, I have seriously thought on those girl's words: they're serious and honest and she was drunk. From the drunk's mouth comes the most honest tr...

I am at my friend's C. house. There are her boyfriend, his cousin and his cousin's husband here too. They are playing cards. I want to play too, but the game allow four people to play only. So I am here, in front of the laptop, typing this entry, right after I have been seing my Facebook, seing some pictures, posting some stuffs... Still pondering on deleting my Facebook account, althought I won't do it now. Perhaps I won't do it AT ALL , but still is a good thing to think about. Perhaps, I might think on creating the so famous second account, but without being the secret account that I was wanting to create, due to some ideas for another blog. I hear the cards hitting the table, after my friend picks them. I want to play! They talk, comment on the game and laugh. I simply get foccused on the laptop's keyboard and on the laptop's screen. They laugh out loud and do anoither comment and I take a glimpse and the gambling group. Card games... We could think on t...

...de costas voltadas para ele! E não quero que me digam nada. E não quero que me liguem ou que me enviem mensagens: sem quê, nem porquê, sinto-me triste, magoado e irritado! Pondero apagar a minha conta de Facebook. Pondero apagar também a conta do Twitter. Pondero apagar toda e qualquer rede social que eu tenha, porque já conheço a maior parte dos queixumes e do que se escreverá ali: no fim de contas, essas coisas não me servem de nada! Irritado com o Mundo, mas é para lá que vou voltar. Faço aqui o meu "log out" e regresso a casa, para sair para o Mundo uma vez mais!

And here goes the entry number 3! i will niot complain again on the computer which hasn't read my DVD, so I can not listen to the music. I will not complain on my terrible mood either. I will not complain on the €0,50 I have spent uselessly: they are spent now, so there's no turn back. Complaining will not solve it! I have exactly three blogs at this moment: I am planning on leaving a link to any other blog of mine, if I get a "central blog", where all the blogs will go. In the other side, I am also thinking on simply deleting these blogs: they are worthless, useless (are they?)! I think that they can be a waste of my time and money (yes, money, as I have to pay for half an hour of internet to come here), from times to times. I pay for the half an hour of Internet, simply to blog. There are days that I don't even open the Facebook or Twitter. What for? To see the same complaints over and over? To see some people seeking attention, in an endless quest?? Nah, than...

Looks like the clouds came down from the sky just to bring my mood down too! Looks like that people's attitudes serve the only purpose to hurt us! I don't want to walk all that way to go and drink one coffee, which means I am not good at all! I don't want to walk all that way, with you or alone, to drink a wicked coffee, and you said: "don't worry, I won't call you ever again!". Yeah, right, mum! I won't wake me up for that again, until the next time! I am moody! I am sad and rather depressed! Why? I don't know! I wish it was this easy to know the source of our sadness/depression, to cut the crap by the root/source! But I really don't know why I am feeling this sad... Perhaps, I am right when I type about the clouds: since Autumn/Fall started, that I have noticed a higher rating of bad/depressive feelings and days with me. I have never noticed this before, but I do notice it now! I like Autumn/Fall, but I love Winter even more: what if I g...

...tudo se transforma!" E penso mesmo que pode ser assim: uma atitude de importância transforma-se num gesto de desprezo; palavras diárias transformam-se numa ausência constante; um grande amor transforma-se na total inexistência de sentimentos; alguém que quer ser amante transforma-se alguém que mal nos liga ou quer saber. "Nada se perde, tudo se transforma!" E assim é a Vida!

SO my last computer wrecked... Tried to write something and the screen suddendly started shrinking, trembling and it only lasted a lightened line in the middle of the screen itself. I am not going to be paranoid... No, I am not... going... to... be... paranoid...!!! In the end, the computer simply reacted to the use it had: none, but gaming. And not online gaming, but stupid games that you put a CD running and you find out that most games are children games. No creativity at all and the last time that i have typed handwriten poems has been a while ago. But the wreck of this last computer also came to remind me that nothing lasts forever and that I can not count on anyone else to help/solve my problems for me: It's my dutty to move my lazy ass and improve what I have been pretty lazy to do so. Walked down the avenue and I was planning on what I wanted to write again. I realised how useless it was: in the end, what I have planned wouldn't come out. My mind could go blank. I c...

Há coisas que são completamente inúteis: preocuparmo-nos com os olhares dos outros é uma delas! Acabei de escrever uma entrada, por causa de uma situação dessas, que apaguei, nem dez minutos depois. De que vale isso? Fica o que gira dentro da minha mente e dentro da minha alma! Fica o que gira e gira e gira dentro de nós... Há coisas que são tão inúteis, que temos mesmo que acabar por nos destruir, para as percebermos. Cai a chuva lá fora e o vento agita as árvores, que começam a largar as suas folhas... Daqui a pouco, tenho que sair daqui. Daqui a pouco, tenho que agitar as águas dentro de mim: criar, criar, criar!! Isto é para vocês, coisas inúteis na minha vida, que passam a olham. Passam e olham. Passam e olham. Querem falar, mas simplesmente passam e olham.

Caring not would be the excellence of my actions, especially to myself! I would be better in my life and with my life itself! I would be happier! But no, I do care quite much with the others, that I almost forget of myself! I don't want to know why the fuck did you took such action: I do care and in other circumstances I would be looking for an answer for your action, little brat, but I don't want to be bothered with m,ore phonecalls like the one from your father last night, telling me that you're in the hospital again, possibly because you have tried to kill yourself again (you're 18!) and that you have run away from home, picked a train and did a trip of 3 hours and half inside a train, to reach almost 400 km's away! You want to go? Then just go! I do care, but I don't want to be bothered again! I have tried to reach this far, by finding healtier and happier ways to cross the surface of the planet and to go through this life. I do drink and smoke hash (no...

Sometimes, I do imagine myself living the same kind of Life that Julie Roberts on "Pretty Woman" and I do imagine my own richard Gere coming and rescuing me. Then I simply fall off the bed and do wake up! A while ago, got my eyes trapped in a very sexy man: the dude was with the traffic policeman uniform, my eyes were nailed at his wonderful face, arms and ass and I almost forgot my real intention, which was to cross the road!

...e hoje penso em ti! Pergunto-me se pensarás em mim. Pergunto-me se valerá a pena este desperdicio de energia a pensar em ti, a sonhar contigo, a não querer deixar ir embora todo o amor que sinto por ti. A resposta é simples: NÃO, não vale a pena! Mas apercebo-me de que estou tão obcecado com aquela ideia de ti, sempre que te vejo, perco-me em ti. Antes sentia-me incomodado e tu em paz, agora, parece que os papéis se inverteram um pouco. Mas ainda assim, cai a chuva miúda lá fora e penso em como seria andar debaixo dela contigo, provando o gosto dos teus lábios! Hoje chove e penso em ti!

Last nigh, picked up a few papers that I have written. Some of them, were with accounts online infos. Others, were self-suggestions of games I used to play, the ways to improve my "life" in such games. Instead having the papers occupying space in my desk, I decided to type them, add some new infos and save them on a USB pen. Better start from little things, than not starting at all! And that's not the only thing I am wanting to start doing... Writing would be a blessing, but most of my time in my own comuter is occupied by playing the same old game, that I have played countless times, before having internet at home. Now I am without Internet at home, once again, needing to pay €1 everytime I want to come around. But well... i typed around 800 poems (I handwrite them, originally, only type them and change anything that displeases me at the time), have a few more to type and it'll happen someday/night soon. I am already feeling that urge to type those that have been wri...

Num site de gays (novidades? Problemas?) encontrei um perfil cujo título é o seguinte: Estranha-se e depois entranha-se e o texto que se segue é o seguinte: "Quero conhecer pessoas estou a sentir-me sozinho!" Errado, errado, errado, usar a solidão como desculpa para essa finalidade. Mas não sou o melhor para falar, já que quando me sinto só, isolo-me mais ainda!

Meia hora na loja de Internet, não muito longe de onde os teus pais tinham as lojas. Vejo-te à porta e tu finges não me ver: não sinto mágoa, nem me sinto zangado. Inevitavelmente, a vida correu assim: eu não te falo, tu não me falas! Se ainda nos falássemos, talvez ainda batêssemos umas à custa do outra. Se ainda nos falássemos, talvez tivéssemos simplesmente encerrado esse capítulo e seguido a vida com uma simples amizade, sem toques sexuais! Tu! Agora tu! Ainda te vejo passar por mim pela rua! O que mencionei sobre ti, o que já escrevi para ti! O teu nome que oculto! Este que acabo de ver na loja da Internet, não é nada comparado contigo: enrolámo-nos de uma maneira simples e simplesmente nos largámos. Mas tu... Querias-me, sexualmente, mas não me deixei ir! Com o tempo, conversas, risos partilhados, aprendi a amar-te e venho a amar-te assim até hoje! Vejo assim a sofrer de cada vez que te vejo, chegando a fugir de um lugar cheio de pessoas que ambos conhecemos, arriscando a expor-t...

E nem sempre o consigo! Quero remodelar as coisas: a vida, real ou virtual! Mas nada parece sugerir uma mudança, por mais mínima que seja! E tenho, muitas das vezes, vontade de cair nos caminhos errados que corri outrora, só pelo gosto de serem aqueles que sempre me souberam melhor!

Simply logging out Twitter and Facebook! I have seen what I had to see! I have read what I had to read! I have found out what I had to find out! Tried to write an entry, previously, but nothing's coming out, so here I am, doing one last attempt, althoguh I have a very good feeling this time! The kid on the cdomputer by my side keeps staring at my computer and keeps getting up and sitting down. He goes and speaks with the kids two computers by my left. He annoys me! He botters me! I could get unfoccused of my point, but this is not happening: curse of the Devil or gift of the Gods? Who knows? And who cares? I just realised that the only place where my writings don't have any strings attaching my words and ideas, is here, on my blogs, or in my diary. In any other thing/support I compromise myself to write, with any other idea, I always choose carefully my words. I don't want to sound miseducated or careless about my writings. And my ideas wouldn't sound any bad or any w...