From times to times

Things change. People change. The voices in the other side of the phone change. The steps on the floor change. The rythm of our lives change. But I don't feel this defeat feeling changing. I was hoping that things would change. Well, a smile comes down on my face, but things haven't changed that much. Boss still doesn't pays, I am still alone (no, I don't forget about friends, but it's not the kinda thing I mean), I am still a sadistic guy, I am still needing, I am stil longign for something bigger, for something greater, that I just can't understand. I still walk the streets with my mp3 screaming out loud in my ears forsaking the world all around me.
I feel like if I was having a fatal time; I mean fatal, just because I smoking about 40 cigarettes a day, I don't drink alcohol very often, but when I do I drink just too much, or I do like in the other night, I drank a lot and I smoke weed, so I felt bad. I am going a little bit suicidal, like my friend/costumer in the caffé said. It's sad! It's really sad!! I wanna change, but there's no way to. I wanna feel alive,but I am just too frozen inside. I wanna feel happy witgh the idea of viiting a disco or a bar, but I just feel bored there. People are boring and scaring me away, once again. What to do? What...?

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