What burns deep within me?

It all goes. It all goes down, from times to times.
I haven't written much here. I know, if I have nothing good to say, it's better left unsaid. But there is so much to be said. I just lack the words - the right words, I mean - to explain what goes and lies within my soul.
I like walking the streets at night. I love the daylight and seeing people passing by, I love the passing cars and all the life that city holds during the day... But the night is very special. While everyone sleeps, there are some people, and I am included in those people, who hang the streets. We're harmless, let alone some thugs, and just want to smoke our cigarettes, booze, chat, laugh out loud, go on swings like grown up kids. However, melancholy, nostalgia, whatever... However, it never vanishes. And our eyes are sad, even when we laugh out loud and light up a room with our inner light. Our souls are sad, no matter how hard we laugh, how easily a joke breaks us in cackles.
It's been a while. And there is so much to be said, even though I feel unable to. I don't know what words to use, to describe the cold in my soul. I can't explain the saudade deep within me - except for those who have died and for those forever lost times, I don't know why such a saudade burns deep within me. However, something burns and something is cold at the same time; something flies high in an imaginary sky and drags in the dirtiest mud; something can't speak and yet it sings.
Time passes and life doesn't awaits for anyone and you're right. But sometimes, it's impossible not to think the deads are the lucky ones.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I emphatise with lots of what you wrote in your posts: overthinking, just wanting to be alone, not beeing enough, being used.
Last year, when I was very ill physically, but it made me suffer mentally a lot. I thought I became a way too positive person to ever feel like this again, but I was proven wrong.
You can't run away from feelings, you're only able to accept how it is to break out.
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
It's not like this forever.
It doesn't have to be.

Lots of love and dozens of positive Vibes,
Lisa S., the baddest Bitch of all ;)
10/11/16, 1:53 PM
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