Rambling and wandering

The words fail to me, from times to times. I search continuosly for the right words to write and yet it seems a hard task. I keep on trying and trying, until something pops up.

I recently bought a new notebook. I got one of those notebooks that I was seing on the post station. But they were more expensive than I could ever afford them, until the last time I needed stamps. I was prepared to spend an extra money and, finally, the colourful notebook rests untouched in front of me. I've been talking and typing about re-write by hand nine years of diary entries in old notebooks, of different sizes and shapes. Some pages have been ripped off, thrown onto the recycling bin and I've stopped myself before it was too late nothing was left from them. I will have to do a more careful selection of what to keep, of what to throw away, but that will have to be decided during the writing time. I need to start, though.

I see te world through the eyes of experience. I may not be not experienced in certain lifestyles, like some people, but my experience has offered me a very particular way of being and seing the world, even to deal with it. I see the world and the behaviour of people and what scared me yesterday is something very normal today. What was a normal thing yesterday, might be the most terrifying thing today. I see the world, I live life in a crazy way, you'd say. You call me to be more careful, to be more patience, yet you'd push me to work hard and right for whatever I wanted to achieve and to move away from whatever was that I wanted to walk away from. Some people are saying that they admire me and my way of being and seing things, particularly the world and life itself. I have no idea of what to think about this - so I live without thinking too much, loving those who I should love, despising the others and having occasional 'seasons' of wrath against the remaining few. I keep living, thnking, feeling, allowing myself to ramble and wander.

Not all who wander are lost.