Seduction games and toothaches

Everything is a game.
Life itself is a game. A game from the which no one will come out alive.
In the last days, I've had several toothaches and today my face is swollen. A big bulge showed up in my right chin and under my right eye. I feel like I am a big ballon, whose holding rope is my (very) thin body.
Days are passing by. Oportunities are left to escape and then I read some quotes online that make me wonder and question. "The child you were would be proud of the person you are today?" If the child I were came to the future and saw my daily reality, would be definitell scared, shocked and sad. Perhaps, if that could happen, he, that little and innocent Bruno, wouldmake it through life. Perhaps if it were possible to get back in time and tell him that none of his dreams would become true, he would work towards it and would change all this reality. It's not possible. Time to deal with it and to face reality.
I have been in the datong website where I am at. I'm no longer in the website for gay men, but I'm in a wider website, from straight to open minded people to meet each others. Of course that I tend to look at gay and bisexual men. The pictures I see... pictures with the purpose to call other people's attention. Some can make us water from our mouths. Others are unpleasant. There is a game, the "dating game", where you see people's picture and you can hit three different buttons. "Yes", "maybe" and "no". I constantly press the "no" button. Some are too good, others too ugly. Some are too young for my tastes. Others too old. Some too chubby. Others too skinny (a bit like me). And the game keeps going, endlessly. I keep, like in life, pressing the "no" button. Denyong every chance or oportunity.
The temperature has increased. We've had about 20° C. It's pleasant to have such temperatures. It's pleasant to see how some people are positively affected by the warmer days and nights. And still at night, my desire to walk under the night sky is bigger. To think and to listen music blasting out loud in the earphones, under the stars.
It's a game.
Everything's just a game.
And I am doing the best of my own.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Loucura - há algumas horas atrás

Às vezes, poderia ter cinquenta blogs, com identidade desconhecida, com identidade patente. Poderia passar por cinquenta espaços diferentes e, ainda assim, não conseguir escrever sobre o que quero. Ainda assim, ser incapaz de escrever as palavras que me assombram, de dizer a verdade que tem de ser dita. Há umas horas atrás, iniciou-se uma certa mudança em mim. Nessas mesmas horas, apoderei-me de outro nome, outra vertente de uma outra existência. Se as coisas, por vezes, não fazem sentido, que se foda! Interessa que faça sentido para mim, que eu saiba o que digo, ao que me refiro. Interessa que, o que sinto, transpareça, sem muito compromisso. Há umas horas atrás, a noite fria presenciou algo, por esquinas, por becos escuros e húmidos, a cheirar a urina, que não imaginei alguma vez que fosse. Há horas atrás, morreram algumas certezas. Há algumas horas atrás...
Read more

The Blessing and the Curse of Technology

Technology is a blessing. And a curse. I am typing this message inside a very full bus. Few seats and not that much space for people doing this long hour trip on their feet. I am deactivating the cell phone's browser and Google Chrome, as I am sticking with Brave and have been for a while. And this process has been kinda painful: Google Chrome is the most used web browser and as most cell phones are part of Android universe, it's more than natural. However, it hands me a little too many ads and trying to read anything is almost certain that I'll end up hitting a surprise pop up ad. My cell phone is a Redmi, which gives me Mi Browser as a default. And although Mi browser blocks some commercials, it still allows pop ups; trying to see something on YouTube still gives me ads, despite the ad block. And although I'd like to use the easiness of Chrome or being faithful to Mi Browser, Brave wins. Wins because you block ads, because it blocks cookies without having websites ask...
Read more

The Idan Raichel Project com Ana Moura: "Sabe Deus"

Image
Directamente de Israel, chega-nos esta música, com a participação da sempre linda Ana Moura. Não poderia deixar de sentir o orgulho e a honra de tudo isto, de toda esta música, que me tocou a alma desde o momento da descoberta. Viaja a minha alma por terras de Além. E pela terras de Além (aonde, minha gente, mora a minha alma?), a minha alma sofre por estes cantos, a minha alma sofre por estes sentimentos. E sem bem saber como, a minha alma procura um jeito de desvincular-se de tanta coisa... Hoje, talvez seja a noite. Ou a manhã. E daí, talvez não... Tenho ponderado no encerramento dos meus blogs. Coisas temporárias, porque quero corrigir erros ortográficos, erros gramaticais... e escrever, entretanto, sem que isso implique que seja por aqui. Hoje, talvez seja a noite. Ou a manhã. Ou talvez não.
Read more