Questions?!...

I do wonder, from times to times, what would my life be if everything had gone the way I wanted or expected. If so, at this moment, I would be a famous painter and rock start, based in Los Angeles, living my life from painting and singing rock hits. or my own rock hits.

Starting with the questions:

1. What if I haven't made so ,any mistakes, starting from allowing my self to sink so deep, that I am almost helpless and hopeless?
2. What if I have studied all I had to study?
3. what if I have worked ahrd(er)?
4. What if I have found someone sharing my dreamings (I did!) and have grabbed his/her hand?

It is useles to ask nowadays. time won't go back. And since time doesn't walks forwards and since I am aware of that, what the hell am I sitting here, at this exact moment, complaining, instead of being outside trying?

I am proud of myself in a sense: for a long time that i am saying that I need to cut off some addictions. Earlier ago, when that fussy dude was outside with a couple of "friends" of mine, I refused to smoke of their joint. Perhaps I keep that track and later, at night, I'll keep refusing it. Perhaps, at night they'll be pissed off at me, because I'll grab someone else's joint and I'll smoke from it! I wonder if, since i have been able to stop a 20 years old addiction of bitting my nails, I will ever manage to drop off cigarettes...

I wonder... I have way too many questions... But still too few answers...