Being Myself!!



Being myself, once again... Being what I was in the past, without leting myself go in a wave of depression and suicidal thoughts!! Though Death is the obsession of my soul, the obsession of my own, I know it'll come, so why to waste time thinking of her?? I know she's looking for me, I know she'll come when it's the time, so why should I waste too much time on her?? She know I love her right away, I'll spread my arms and let her embrace me!!

In one of these friday nights, my friend M. took me and one friend of her, S., to the beach at night!! There's nothing so grand as the sea, as it's envolving smell, as it song, laying in the sand!! I wish I was so drunk or so highed I wouldn't mind to go and let him touch me, let him love me, let him do whatever he wants with me!!

Of course I still wander around! Of course I still feel loss, or in a deep despair, of course sadness (one of my best inspirations to create) is still a nice company to a cigarette, together with a nice song!! I know that extremely beautiful things are inside of me, though I can't put them down on canvas, paper, words or whatever it is!! That's one of my final lines, to find myself, to find the rifght way to show the huge kingdom reborn inside of me, the huge sea that makes me dreams of songs of a rare beauty. That's one of the things that hurts me the most, being unable to show off my soul!! Maybe someday it'lll change... Maybe someday, I'll travel the world and it'll be cooler inside of me!!

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