New Year's Eve: Madness!


New year's eve FINALLY passed by. Christmas and New year's eve is finally gone and perhaps, my depressive state of this season is finally gone too!
Last nigh, I was supposed to go out with my friends, but I came up so tired from my job, that I laid down in my sofa and I was supposed to sleep only 10 minutes, but I slept all night long. Mobile phone vibrated a lot, but it was in a table and I don't listen or feel vibrations. Silent mobile...
I woke up this morning and I wasn't feeling anything special. I wasn't feeling anything like a new year that has came by, anything like if I had a new life, cause it's a new year... I was just sadned, cause I passed one more night at home. But I am always tired from my job.
I work a lot... Sometimes, I make my normal time able of 9 hours, another days, I go till 12+ hours and its something which don't let my body get a "sleep timetable" and I am always worred with something, in the late weeks. I feel I am getting exausted, with no point of stop, with no way to rest, unless get out! An getting out of what? Of my job? Of home? Of everything?
I am more and more tired... Sometimes, I feel I need to get an emergency exit, but I never find that way!
Here I am, alone in the night, listening to Amália Rodrigues singing one of her Fados (Amêndoa Amarga)... In the middle of the dark of this dawn, in my living/dinning room, with the TV on and muted, Amália singing in the laptop, and one cigarette burning in my lips...
Night is going by and I have only two hours to sleep... I feel like I was a ghost... No one see me, unless he/she wishes something... It doesn't matters if it's a coffee, a look, a smile, a friend, a love or a lover, a presence in the room. Everybody's looking for something and tht's the reason everyone's sees me!
For those who still believe in a New Year's changing, HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Bruno Albuquerque
01/01/2009

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Loucura - há algumas horas atrás

Às vezes, poderia ter cinquenta blogs, com identidade desconhecida, com identidade patente. Poderia passar por cinquenta espaços diferentes e, ainda assim, não conseguir escrever sobre o que quero. Ainda assim, ser incapaz de escrever as palavras que me assombram, de dizer a verdade que tem de ser dita. Há umas horas atrás, iniciou-se uma certa mudança em mim. Nessas mesmas horas, apoderei-me de outro nome, outra vertente de uma outra existência. Se as coisas, por vezes, não fazem sentido, que se foda! Interessa que faça sentido para mim, que eu saiba o que digo, ao que me refiro. Interessa que, o que sinto, transpareça, sem muito compromisso. Há umas horas atrás, a noite fria presenciou algo, por esquinas, por becos escuros e húmidos, a cheirar a urina, que não imaginei alguma vez que fosse. Há horas atrás, morreram algumas certezas. Há algumas horas atrás...
Read more

The Blessing and the Curse of Technology

Technology is a blessing. And a curse. I am typing this message inside a very full bus. Few seats and not that much space for people doing this long hour trip on their feet. I am deactivating the cell phone's browser and Google Chrome, as I am sticking with Brave and have been for a while. And this process has been kinda painful: Google Chrome is the most used web browser and as most cell phones are part of Android universe, it's more than natural. However, it hands me a little too many ads and trying to read anything is almost certain that I'll end up hitting a surprise pop up ad. My cell phone is a Redmi, which gives me Mi Browser as a default. And although Mi browser blocks some commercials, it still allows pop ups; trying to see something on YouTube still gives me ads, despite the ad block. And although I'd like to use the easiness of Chrome or being faithful to Mi Browser, Brave wins. Wins because you block ads, because it blocks cookies without having websites ask...
Read more

The Idan Raichel Project com Ana Moura: "Sabe Deus"

Image
Directamente de Israel, chega-nos esta música, com a participação da sempre linda Ana Moura. Não poderia deixar de sentir o orgulho e a honra de tudo isto, de toda esta música, que me tocou a alma desde o momento da descoberta. Viaja a minha alma por terras de Além. E pela terras de Além (aonde, minha gente, mora a minha alma?), a minha alma sofre por estes cantos, a minha alma sofre por estes sentimentos. E sem bem saber como, a minha alma procura um jeito de desvincular-se de tanta coisa... Hoje, talvez seja a noite. Ou a manhã. E daí, talvez não... Tenho ponderado no encerramento dos meus blogs. Coisas temporárias, porque quero corrigir erros ortográficos, erros gramaticais... e escrever, entretanto, sem que isso implique que seja por aqui. Hoje, talvez seja a noite. Ou a manhã. Ou talvez não.
Read more