New Year's Eve: Madness!


New year's eve FINALLY passed by. Christmas and New year's eve is finally gone and perhaps, my depressive state of this season is finally gone too!
Last nigh, I was supposed to go out with my friends, but I came up so tired from my job, that I laid down in my sofa and I was supposed to sleep only 10 minutes, but I slept all night long. Mobile phone vibrated a lot, but it was in a table and I don't listen or feel vibrations. Silent mobile...
I woke up this morning and I wasn't feeling anything special. I wasn't feeling anything like a new year that has came by, anything like if I had a new life, cause it's a new year... I was just sadned, cause I passed one more night at home. But I am always tired from my job.
I work a lot... Sometimes, I make my normal time able of 9 hours, another days, I go till 12+ hours and its something which don't let my body get a "sleep timetable" and I am always worred with something, in the late weeks. I feel I am getting exausted, with no point of stop, with no way to rest, unless get out! An getting out of what? Of my job? Of home? Of everything?
I am more and more tired... Sometimes, I feel I need to get an emergency exit, but I never find that way!
Here I am, alone in the night, listening to Amália Rodrigues singing one of her Fados (Amêndoa Amarga)... In the middle of the dark of this dawn, in my living/dinning room, with the TV on and muted, Amália singing in the laptop, and one cigarette burning in my lips...
Night is going by and I have only two hours to sleep... I feel like I was a ghost... No one see me, unless he/she wishes something... It doesn't matters if it's a coffee, a look, a smile, a friend, a love or a lover, a presence in the room. Everybody's looking for something and tht's the reason everyone's sees me!
For those who still believe in a New Year's changing, HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Bruno Albuquerque
01/01/2009

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