I Burn My Cigarettes Like Oxygen


"I burn my cigarettes like oxygen". Nice phrase for a title... But it's the truth. I smoke since I am 16 years old and I never smoked like now. I smoke almost two boxes of 20 cigarettes a day, especially if I am like now, melancholic, searching for something which I don't know what it is... I feel myself like living a movie, working in that restaurant, killing myself of working, losing my personal life, posing like a mannequin, smiling all around, walking lightly like a butterfly, saying "good afternoon, here's your drink!"... I need more, I need action. I just watched a book store here in my city needing employers. Well, tomorrow morning I'll wake up earlier (today), take a bath, smoke a cigarette, walk to the store and deliver my curricula there. It's closer from home and it surely works in a better way.
Right now, at 3 a.m., I am sat in front of the laptop, in my couch, smoking a cigarette and thinking in a better way of kick the words onto here. I blow the smoke and stare it, grey and sometimes blue, going up and disappearing... I wish, sometimes, being like the smoke, disappear in the air, but that's not possible; science proved that, but magic still wants to prove it's possible. I am into a way of getting into magic, witchcraft and so on. But smoke... Smoke makes me feel something like happy. Not happy, the right word could be comforted. In longs hours of emptiness, sadness, melancholy (like now, I must say), it always feels good with good music. mLights are no longer needed, so I'll turn them off. An ilusion of a forever night, which will never worth a day, but day will come in a few hours and my cigarette won't last few hours. Few minutes, maybe, never hours. I stare at the laptop screen and smoke flies in front of me... It's mystical being inside the bath, all naked and the cigarette burning.
I am trying to go deeper in my point of view but I am not being clear, neither does my brain... Sleep, maybe... Insanity... Perhaps... But if I'm going to sleep, at least, may the cigarette be burnt?
I am a poet... A fiction writer... A painter... A fadista and singer of metal... I am everything and I am nothing... I am a smoker... I am a shadow... I am this... I am that... and the cigarette burns...

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