Sad Without a Reason

Well, arrived one hour ago at home!! Went to the marina of Cascais to go to a club, but guess what?? I wasn't able to relax, to let myself go, to have fun, to feel the music in my soul, to feel my body just swinging with the sound of the music... Seems like i really need drugs or alcohol to relax, to have fun... I realised tonight that I do need those stuffs to help me to relax, to help me letting myself going with the flow, having fun, relaxing, feeling the music within my body, vibrating in each little bit of my bones... Most of this stuffs, I can feel them even sleeping,b ut not that happiness, not that will to be surrounded by people, especially with a company that I would prefer keeping away from me!! I thank you all, guys & girls, for calling me to have fun, but my smile to you was fake!! The smile to the pictures was fake!! I was sad, bothered inside, those people looking at me was bothering me, i haven't even lift up my eyes, I prefered to take a look through the window, to see the river or the sea outside, am not sure now! Prefered to think they wasn't looking at me,l prefered to imagine I was somewhere else!! i was wishing to go out for a long, long time ago, but I said this before, my soul ain't told me it was the right night to go out, to have fun, to dance...

Anyway, why the fuck everyone is now bothering me with the fact that I am unhappy alone?? Why the fuck is everyone wanting to see me engaged? I might not be happy with this choice of mine, but I said it all previously: IT'S MY CHOICE!! Happy or unhappy, it's me living with it, no one else, so please, people, leave my fucking mind alone!!

I've been blogging this matter previously in Portuguese, so most of what I was needing to say, is said and my mood is not going any better!! I am just giving a quick read in a stuff and then I am off to the bed!! Need to try to heal this broken mind of mine!!

Need to heal this sadness for unknon reasons...

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