Do you belong...?!

I get amazed with people's stupidity... Sometimes, I might be meanic or unfair, when I judge some people, but I feel that I have something to judge... I look around, I look at people and I see emptiness; maybe I'm empty too, but I don't see that in me (we're always too blind when it comes to look to ourselves)! I might be empty to the others, but my art, my literature and music fullfils me with great joy, though on the outside I feel, sometimes, unable to express it... I think I might care a little bit too much about the others' judge; it just frightens me, because I don't want to be held down by their opinions again.

Yesterday, I went out to dinner at a restaurant... My friend's, Marta, birthday dinner, but I haven't enjoyed it properly... I wasn't feeling properly good, I have been depressed since I woke up, but the night ended well for me, because of the friendship and of the feelings I got back, when I had my friends together... I haven't felt that for a long time! We took some pictures and I could smile a while, when I was taking pictures with some of my friends... Really, things seemed better, but when some of the people walked away, their presence (or the lack of it) was felt... I went home and ended my night on the street 'till 5 a.m. waiting for my mother to come from work, taking care for the niece of her boss... It was so cold, but singing helps... People in the street pushing cars, the police passing by... People coming home... The moon wasn't shining, but the night was great, despite the cold...I was talking to the atmosphere or to myself (one never knows)... I sung and an hour passed by... I passed by the night and I'm here, now... Now... Who knows where I'll be in 5 minutes...?

After looking at some pictures on hi5, I see some people which call themselves of "gothics", or even the others and it gives me the impression they don't know nothing about the gothic. They need to feel they belong to somewhere or to something, like I do, as I dress up the gothic lifestyle, I live it... But the need of feeling that they belong somewhere is just human!!!

I am thinking about having one blog where the domain language will be my mother language, the Portuguese. I know I can always write in Portuguese here, but you'll have to look around for a while and you might not find it before your head blows of impatience!! If I do it, you'll have news!!!

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