After something... And After All...
I'm here writing this entry, after posting a comment at Fernando Ribeiro's blog. He posted one text about the most truthful things that happen in the Portuguese music market and I started thinking and decided to post a comment... I surrended to his words and my brain started working in all of that...
I posted a very short entry in the diary of my hi5 account and I am still numb, with no words... Things that are so real, that they could even scare the most common of the mortals... People usually to say "chase your dreams", but when you do it, they bite your head off.
About the gothics and the metal fans which wears their "metal" clothes, people also use to say that it's just a phase, but like I wrote on that comment, I'm here, after a huge storm of depression, self-mutilation, and a whole bunch of other things... I don't want to write them again!!! I'm here, I paint, I write, I sing and I do a lot of other things which makes me happy and I don't want to change it for anything, neither for anyone... I won't do that at all!!!
Anyway, besides of that, I'm a bisexual male and that's another thing I can't change to make this one, or that one happy, or even safer!! I don't chase anything; I long for my happiness and wellbeing only, if that's even possible at all!!! When y'all die, I still will be here, through my art, through my fictions, through my poems, through my musics, through my ethereal existance... No matter how, but I will be here!!!
After all... well, that's another story!! I am a truth that nobody can deny!! I am not a painter, I am not a writer nor a poet, I am not the guy which likes to hang around all night long, but which has to be at home at 2 a.m., I am not the one which, sometimes, smokes weed and laughs loud, I am not the guy which loves his friends, but that still can see throughout their surface, I am not the one which loves alcohol... I am all of them and none in specific!!!
No more pain, no more emptiness... Dying or living, making love, kissing a girl or a guy, having a BDSM session, going for car ride with a friend, listening to music, painting, writing, singing, shaking my bones and say "I'm dancing", screaming and saying "I'm singing", going for a train trip, walking the beach and talk and play with the sea, going to a psychiatrist, cutting myself, drinking, smoking (cigarettes or weed), talking, keeping my mouth shut, crying, laughing, running, walking... Nothing of those things are important, excep if I feel happy by doing them!!!
Thanks, Fernando Ribeiro, for your words!! Thanks, Elizabeth for existing and being my penfriend!! Thanks, Andreia, for the love you gave me!! Thanks, Neuza, for loving me, when I haven't been able to love you back!! Thanks to every single person in my life (even to my enemies), for helping me to grow as a person and for doing of me what I am today!! Every single person, every single event in my life, helped me to become who I am today!! To those who love me, thanks for being there for me, to those who hate me or just ignore me, thanks for helping to create me!!!
I posted a very short entry in the diary of my hi5 account and I am still numb, with no words... Things that are so real, that they could even scare the most common of the mortals... People usually to say "chase your dreams", but when you do it, they bite your head off.
About the gothics and the metal fans which wears their "metal" clothes, people also use to say that it's just a phase, but like I wrote on that comment, I'm here, after a huge storm of depression, self-mutilation, and a whole bunch of other things... I don't want to write them again!!! I'm here, I paint, I write, I sing and I do a lot of other things which makes me happy and I don't want to change it for anything, neither for anyone... I won't do that at all!!!
Anyway, besides of that, I'm a bisexual male and that's another thing I can't change to make this one, or that one happy, or even safer!! I don't chase anything; I long for my happiness and wellbeing only, if that's even possible at all!!! When y'all die, I still will be here, through my art, through my fictions, through my poems, through my musics, through my ethereal existance... No matter how, but I will be here!!!
After all... well, that's another story!! I am a truth that nobody can deny!! I am not a painter, I am not a writer nor a poet, I am not the guy which likes to hang around all night long, but which has to be at home at 2 a.m., I am not the one which, sometimes, smokes weed and laughs loud, I am not the guy which loves his friends, but that still can see throughout their surface, I am not the one which loves alcohol... I am all of them and none in specific!!!
No more pain, no more emptiness... Dying or living, making love, kissing a girl or a guy, having a BDSM session, going for car ride with a friend, listening to music, painting, writing, singing, shaking my bones and say "I'm dancing", screaming and saying "I'm singing", going for a train trip, walking the beach and talk and play with the sea, going to a psychiatrist, cutting myself, drinking, smoking (cigarettes or weed), talking, keeping my mouth shut, crying, laughing, running, walking... Nothing of those things are important, excep if I feel happy by doing them!!!
Thanks, Fernando Ribeiro, for your words!! Thanks, Elizabeth for existing and being my penfriend!! Thanks, Andreia, for the love you gave me!! Thanks, Neuza, for loving me, when I haven't been able to love you back!! Thanks to every single person in my life (even to my enemies), for helping me to grow as a person and for doing of me what I am today!! Every single person, every single event in my life, helped me to become who I am today!! To those who love me, thanks for being there for me, to those who hate me or just ignore me, thanks for helping to create me!!!
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