Why??

Yesterday, I said to a guy that someone in my past broke my heart so hard, that when I have chances to be loved, I just run away. I turn my back and walk away. I just can not open the gates to my heart anymore. Those barrieres I created around me are too strong. Someone penetrated them, but I fought and could make that person give up.
Today, the reason for that barriers, shown up in my life, once again. Those eyes, settled in mine, again. That body, almost touched mine. That scent, entered my nose, invaded my soul. I saw him! He saw me! Does he loves me? Does he even reminds me? I would kill for him! I would die for him! I would take a shot or a stab for him! I would fly to the moon and return for him. So many years passed by and still I don't know how to let love come into my heart. So many years gone by and he is still the reason for the barriers around me. He still is the reason for the gates in my heart, locked and chained, so no one can penetrate it.
My mind... My poor mind siffered such a hit today. Smoked a little bit of pot, that I wasn't wishing to, just because I was wanting to stop thinking about him. Things gone wrong! I am no more the same Bruno. Once again, something changed about me. The time I lost him, the time he was mine, changed me. Learned and growned a lot with that guy. He shown me myself without the shell, he shown me myself!! He saw how I was... He left me naked, no clothes, no make-up on my bad things or in the good ones... He knew, even being drunk, exactly how I was, in the very first time we have ever talked. And i miss someone who can do that! Someone that wake me up with a single smile. Someone that drive me crazy like this. But, in the end, I was just nothing, just another one.
I'm not yours,
You're not mine. but why? Why things gone this way? Why did you destroyed the best that I had in me? And why have you decided to come into the café where I go every single night of my life? Why did you came and messed my world, without a warning? Why do you still affect me?
I feel ridiculous feeling something like this I feel ridicyulous to still dream of you I feel ridiculous of holding a vain hope of having you in my life again. I hate it! I hate you! I love you!

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