Tired... And so old...


I'm feeling tired... Yesterday, I finally talked to my boss... He said he wanted to make a contract to me, 9 moths after being in that caffé. I wanna leave. I told him that probably I would leave, I just needed to talk to my mother first. Cheated. But I came home with that little taste of freedom to come in my mouth and in my soul. But in the reverse, there's my thought on my costumers. I suppose that I don't want people that far as I thought. Lately, I find myself affraid of the idea of being alone. I am affraid, for the first time in a long, long time.
Tomorrow, I'll tell him I wanna leave. No matter how, I wanna eave, with no courts, with no anger, ith no fear and no regrets. I don't wanna look back. I just wanna leave and stop for a while. People lok at me and say I look way older than 21 and that's my age. I look way older, I feel the rides under my eyes... *hehe*, rides does not scare me! Anyway, I feel older than 21. There are some days I feel like if I was 10 years old and in other days, I feel like I was 90 years old.
I need to focs in the real matter... I wanna leave and I'll tell it to him tomorrow. I know my friend will be mad at me, but I feel to tired. Lately, I feel I smile much less than I already used to, I feel I think there's nothing happy or funny enough. I need to hange some things but thre's no more strenght for now. I justneed to leave.
Despite all of this, despite this wicked depression I'm feeling into again, I feel more trustful than never before. It's like this weariness is not strong enough to bring me down. But my body is exausted. I am too tired. It's like there were two strong weights in a balance and there were no balane point between the two of them. Or like if they were too heavy for that nd it was about to break. I need to rest! FRIENDS AND BUDDIES, I NEED TO REST! IS THAT TO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND??

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