Still On Changes

In the last few days, I have felt so lost, so confused with a strange feeling deep within my soul. I feel like some kind of an end was coming and it's driving me crazy, because can not say if it is a good end or a bad end. So many things have changed, like I mentioned in a previous posting, some things in a good way, others in not so good way, but things changed. I changed, I started liking me a bit more, looking at the mirror and liking what what I was seing. But now, it's a strange feeling of being in a theater play and I feel like the courtains were going to close forever, with no more openings. And this is driving me crazy! I know, I am repeating myself, but I feel strange and I feel that those things are going to happen really soon!

Tomorrow! Tomorrow I am going to my grand dad's house, to see him for a few days and I feel happy with the idea. I am anxious for the trip. A trip of three hours in a train and the idea of not smoking during all those three hours is just frightening me, but to see my gran dad, I would spend all my life suffering, just to reach to him! HE REALLY IS THE MAN OF MY LIFE, THE ONE AND ONLY LOVE I HAVE EVER HAD! My love and my passion! He his my life, my lungs, my blood, my fortress, my sword, my helmet, my smile, the shine in my eyes! He's everything for me! He and the little tiny village where he lives at! Those are my passions! Those are my smiles! Those are my madness and my sanity! Those are my loves! And I am leaving a shitty city for a few weeks, just to be near to them!

I wanna make all this strange feeling get out of my soul and of my chest... I feel like I was going to explode! I wanna throw it all away! I wanna feel happy for once! I want so many things!

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