Everything's just fine


My life is falling apart once again: I have no job, I left school (I haven't even told my mother yet!), my bank account has been shut down and the bank demands €50 from me, that I don't have. But everything's fine! Everything's just fine!
In a few days, I'll do some regular blood tests and get my second dose of the COVID-19 vaccine (I think I should've written about those terrible days of the pandemic, when I spent days inside with my mother and our cats, watching opera soaps) and, perhaps, I'll be heading to the North once again, as I do once a year. I should, then again, perhaps head north more often, if I had a driving license and a car. Perhaps, I would be living in the countryside for a long time, if I had taken that damned driver's license and bought a car. Instead, I'm here stuck in a city, that I grew in and that I completely dislike, with my life falling apartn and not moving a freaking muscle to change it.
Guilty, guilty, guilty! I whip myself in guilt, without a real whip and without real guilt. The mood is more of some hatred towards myself, for allowing myself to go down the drain so often and not really moving towards a change, instead expecting others to solve things for me. This sums up myself and my life story quite well and it's a sad thing having to admit it.
Either way, everything's just fine!

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