Angel Alucard

This blog... This little space of my own, where I put my feelings down, such as i would do in a diary, has been a bit abandoned... Such as an attention whore, like any good artist, rulling three blogs, eventhough they're all about the same, doesn't gives us the "quality" sometimes to share what we're feeling, what we're thinking, what we're desiring, what's creeping us out, what's driving us crazy, when we're down and when we're in an euphoric state, such as I am feeling right now, though the sleep is putting a little brake on it now!! Ha! It's just insane that I've been swimming in a sea of depression, almost drowned in this sea of sorrow and laments, but today, without alcohol, without any drugs, I was in such a huge euphoria, that it seems I was able to touch the sky, to feel the clouds between my fingers, to feel the wind between my legs, such as a motorcyle, with it's vibrating motor, taking me away in a long highway to ...

Well, arrived one hour ago at home!! Went to the marina of Cascais to go to a club, but guess what?? I wasn't able to relax, to let myself go, to have fun, to feel the music in my soul, to feel my body just swinging with the sound of the music... Seems like i really need drugs or alcohol to relax, to have fun... I realised tonight that I do need those stuffs to help me to relax, to help me letting myself going with the flow, having fun, relaxing, feeling the music within my body, vibrating in each little bit of my bones... Most of this stuffs, I can feel them even sleeping,b ut not that happiness, not that will to be surrounded by people, especially with a company that I would prefer keeping away from me!! I thank you all, guys & girls, for calling me to have fun, but my smile to you was fake!! The smile to the pictures was fake!! I was sad, bothered inside, those people looking at me was bothering me, i haven't even lift up my eyes, I prefered to take a look through the wi...

This is a Painting by me!! :) I was about bitching. I was depressed... Am a bit sort of of depressed, but not needing to bitch!! Been talking on messenger all night long, been watching some videos to laugh and sharing them with my friend Xana. Been listening to Amália Rodrigues, my favourite singer, chosing some oif the most depressive songs, but it's a good pain!! I need this!! I need her voice, as my comfortable spot. i need to cry, when I feel in the mood to!! And Amália can be such a great help!! Just dropped two gross tears!! Just felt a chill within my bones, while i heard her singing in the excerpt of a movie!! More and more minutes, listening to Amáklia, to her wonderful voice, to her incredible presence in live shows or in TV. And when i say i am writing, it doesn't matters if i am bitching (I was seeing I wasn't doing it so!! xD) on my blogs or if I am taking care of my poetry or anything else i am doing, including painting, people should suppose that i want ...